Episode 24 - Bollywood

welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we're gonna be

talking about

hollywood oh wait hang on uh

oh i misread that today we're

gonna be talking about bollywood

uh gotta be honest with you

i don't know anything about bollywood i

i thought this was just a typo on the

sheet

apparently not because now i'm kind of

reading our you know little sticky note

that we have

as far as our information about what

we're going to talk about

and you have bollywood

written on all of these so you you

didn't make a mistake you know

and say we're going to talk about

hollywood but then replace

the h with a b so we're going to talk

about bollywood what

what what is bollywood well first of all

i thought the other day when we did the

podcast on the gay asian disco

non-scene as such that we weren't

currently

banned or unwelcome in enough countries

around the world so i figured we might

as well add one of the largest ones

to the list uh the no-fly list is

growing ever stronger

but i was actually aware of bollywood a

long long time ago

because i would download those

apps which gave you free tv

but it wasn't free tv as in fox or espn

and all these other stuff i'd get a lot

of

indian channels and there'd be a lot of

movies which i just couldn't work out

for the life of me what was going on so

i actually researched it a little bit

and uh bollywood is actually the name of

uh india's

main film industry it's more commonly

known as

indie cinema uh indie cinema

hindi yeah if you wanna hindi hindi

h-i-n-d-i

um the reason it's called bollywood is

because it's mainly based in bombay

in india okay and they just combined

bombay with hollywood and called it

bollywood so i mean i think

you know good for them i mean you know

play on work

nothing wrong with that whoever came up

that was definitely worth the two

dollars they paid them for

you know the creation of that that that

seems like a lot to pay him but

okay yeah but you know despite the fact

i know

you know you're not really uh up to date

on bollywood and a lot of

americans aren't it it is actually a

huge market in the world for movies i

mean they produce

i i know absolutely nothing about

bollywood

we do now it's based in bombay mainly

okay so now i know 75 of the knowledge i

need to know about bollywood whoa

so fill me in on the other 25 well

i mean it produces anywhere between like

i think it was

fifteen hundred and two thousand movies

a year on average now i don't know if

it's done much

this year or whether that

bothered about the covet or not maybe

they've upped it up to 3 000. i'm not

entirely sure

but you know in the average year from

hollywood studios

it's only between 507 and sorry

500 and 750 movies from hollywood

so okay hollywood of course being

in the united states we're cranking out

500 to 750 movies a year i mean that

that's still honestly impressive think

about it 365 days a year

that's two movies a day i wouldn't say

we're because we live in texas and i

don't know if i want to claim ownership

of a lot of those movies

no no we don't but but still

california basically let's let's admit

that

most of them are coming from over there

they're cranking out

on average two movies a day that's

impressive

hey they're cranking out more movies

than we're cranking out podcasts

yeah so good for them yeah but also you

have to remember you know there's a lot

of stuff that comes out of hollywood

which isn't

that good i mean you know and because of

the marketing episode

yeah episode 8 of star wars uh fine

example well

the fact as well i mean we only

discovered maybe the greatest movie ever

made the velocipaster

the velocity earlier earlier this year

oh

such a great movie yeah such a great

movie and that had a budget

of less than our normal qt run on a

tuesday morning

yeah yeah exactly yeah but good on that

guy yeah i don't want to set you up for

failure immediately on this because i

love to play the uh

let's get the shepherd completely guess

stats wrong okay but given bollywood

you know comes from india

what percentage do you think bollywood

represents of box office revenue in

india

i'll give you a clue it's number between

1 and 100 because all other numbers are

fake

okay so box office revenue

yeah in india yeah bollywood movies

meaning those movies are made

in india yeah i'm gonna say

80 percent only 45 percent

see oh and this is this is this is this

is why i'm terrible at gambling i know

and this is why i always set you up with

these questions anything which i think

you'd actually have a realistic

chance of guessing remotely in the

ballpark i don't ask

you're never going to throw me a

softballer yeah this is just the way

this is always going to be

yeah you're never throwing me a software

this is fast pitching pre-k

yeah yeah um that's terrible but

um amazingly one of the great markers

especially during well i guess now

they call it the new bollywood because

they've kind of gone off in a little bit

of a

new direction but how old is the old

bollywood

uh it stretches back to like about the

50s when it

first started becoming popular but one

of the biggest markets was actually

russia

and a lot of their top movies would get

translated into russian

interesting well interesting and crazy

but yes

well i was i was trying to put a nice

spin on it interesting i

i would have went with the crazy deal

yes

and uh putin hasn't tried to stop the

influx

of bollywood movies so well maybe

putin is a huge bollywood miami

that's why he's not stopping it right

makes sense yeah

now um bollywood movies uh mostly

musical so i know you said you didn't

really know much about it i have watched

a few

like i said mainly down to desperation

and growing up in england with not many

tv channels

i did have to you know via the internet

have to look at some

you know other film genres but yeah um

mainly musicals

and it's not unusual for them to be

three hours or more long but they have

intermissions in the movie theaters okay

so so

real intermissions not joke

intermissions like monty python and

holy grail where yeah you know they're

crossing the bridge

and they're like oh intermission because

intermissions were a big thing

way back in the day you know you did go

to the movie theater

you'd see a movie it was kind of long

and then all of a sudden they'd have an

intermission

but now you're saying in bollywood they

actually plug these intermissions in

right yeah i mean it's three hours i

mean you have to

really yeah you know i can sit through

the godfather which is over three hours

with

without getting up but i wonder what do

people in

india do during intermission well you

have to remember

if they're drinking probably the indian

knockoff version of coca-cola

then probably they need to get the

toxins

[Music]

but is it true that like in america uh

back in maybe 50s 60s 70s they actually

used to have intermissions

during the middle of regular movies yeah

no they did because

i think i saw that thing let's all go to

the lobby

right yeah this black and white thing

which would appear like yeah

well it and it was also in i think we

talked about this on a podcast before

kind of with the uh subliminal messaging

in the movies you know they

they wanted you to go back out and buy

more popcorn buy another coke

you know whatever it might be to try to

get a little more revenue

and most people they sit down they watch

a movie they don't want to get up they

want to see the whole movie because

we're a little bit spoiled with netflix

and things like that that you can

pause the movie and go to the bathroom

go to the kitchen

get you some food or whatever then

restart the movie but if you go to a

traditional movie theater

you don't have that benefit you end up

missing

some of the movie so the intermission

allows you to go ahead and get up

stretch your legs

run to the restroom grab you another

coat grab you another

bag of popcorn or whatever and then sit

down and then

continue the movie well your cat in your

house because you've got six people so

if you waited for the official pause of

the movie

you might as well just sit there and

wait yourself to be yeah that's

i'm kind of i'm kind of i'm kind of glad

they got rid of that intermission thing

though because that

all of that kind of um i think it was

dancing popcorn

the thing i saw on it this uh let's all

go to the lobby that would have really

ruined schindler's list if they'd have

kept that on

yeah that that's probably true no

now you you think about well you don't

think about bollywood because you don't

know anything about no

this is at first i've heard about it but

you know the most expensive

bollywood movies are roughly around 20

million dollars and the investment

tends to come from private sources and

there's a few kind of

maybe what they consider big movie

studios but nothing compared to like

paramount

and universal studios over here whereas

the average

cost of a hollywood movie

in 2019 was between 70 and

90 million dollars whereas like i said

the most expensive bollywood movies tend

to be around

20 million so they're doing it for a

fifth of the price over there

yeah good for them they

figured out a way yeah now you see there

are actually more people in the world

who watch

bollywood movies than hollywood no i

don't believe you yeah 2.6 billion

as opposed to 3 billion overall wow yeah

yeah that that one's hard to believe

yeah i don't know if that counts for

people watching it twice because there

was nothing good coming out that week

but you have to remember also there were

more movies remember i said

you know you can have have up to 2 000

movies a year produced by bollywood

whereas

you know in a very busy year about 750

is

roughly the maximum hollywood so like

when we were going back

hollywood's popping out two movies a day

yeah

bollywood is popping out six years a day

yeah

wow they're busy over there they're

getting it done

they are busy but also i mean it's not

like we've done a lot of research on the

country but i'm not sure what else they

have to do

technical support well yeah yeah

yeah yeah we've outsourced all that

right there yeah

so basically that kind of explains why

the technical support isn't good because

i'm guessing the people that they punt

down to

technical support weren't good enough to

be in the movie business

because the movie business sounds very

busy over there it does

i mean the actual highest paid bollywood

actor is a guy nader

named uh salman khan and i think

actually salmon or salmon salmon

salmon yeah when i first heard his name

salmon

does he swim upstream well it's the

highest paid actor so you can guarantee

he's a good swimmer

okay yeah but um he makes about 14

million dollars per movie

wow um whereas 14 million american

dollars

yeah they had the original figure in

rupees

and i don't know how much a rupee is if

i was trying to sell a car and they gave

me 14 rupees i'd be like

sounds fair enough but apparently it's

not that kind of yeah it's not yeah

i i i don't know i i know dollars and

that's about it

yeah where it's like i'm even keanu

reeves when him

i think it was a yeah it was the second

and third matrix movies because they

filmed him kind of simultaneously

right he made like 30 million from those

two movies

and that was back 2002 2003 when they

wrapped up the filming

and like i said even today you know the

highest paid bollywood actor

despite how many people you know the

worldwide box office watch these movies

still only gets about 14 million and

he's the highest paid

now who do you think in the last few

years

again this is a fast pitch towards

maybe the miracle league kids yeah um

who do you think

over the last few years was the highest

paid american

actor and what did he get for

okay so so you

you helped me out a little bit because

you said he

yeah so so now i know it's a male actor

uh i'm gonna guess

robert downey jr yeah with uh

all the iron man stuff well actually

that's what i thought originally because

i

read and because i didn't do my research

i just took it as

fact that he got paid 300 million for

iron man

3 which is not true at all apparently he

only got paid 10 million dollars for

that movie

but he had a whole bunch of writings

with like merchandise and future sales

up to a maximum i think of like 300

million

but um the movie which he wasn't even

the star enroll in for captain america

civil war

he got 40 million dollars just for a bit

part well i mean he had a decent role in

it but i mean he wasn't

it wasn't his movie it wasn't man it's

captain america

yeah he's just a member of the yeah

whatever it avenges yeah the avengers or

whatever

40 million 40 million dollars now um i

think which is enough to make two

bollywood movies

well i mean why not the highest uh

movies in terms of like how much money

they spend i mean in terms of average

expenditure you could probably make

about 10 of them

true but given the titles of some of

them i think he could probably make

about

30 of them because i think part of the

reason they haven't really caught on

even when they've been dubbed into

english and put on netflix and

everything over here in the united

states

is because some of the titles when they

literally translate you know sometimes

when you're scrolling through netflix

and you see the title and it might

inspire you to just to read that little

bit further

but some titles are like yeah i'm not

watching that crap yeah

yeah well here's some of the titles i

came some of the most popular bollywood

movies right

okay some of the highest grossing movies

my particular favorite was one which

translated as

salt bastard

no kidding yeah that was a very popular

movie apparently

and uh five of the other really popular

ones which again if you see this on

netflix i don't

know if you're gonna bother reading the

description one was called uh

peacock on robber peacock

on rubber now what robber no not rubber

robber robber yeah as then like somebody

who steals stuff

oh okay yeah peacock on rob what do you

think that movie is about

i don't have a clue maybe it's the

nbc app that they're

a little bit upset and so they're

going against people that

steal for a living i don't i didn't i

don't know

i didn't actually even read the

description of that movie

i just thought peacock might be the name

of like a villain or a character

and so that may have meant more sense

than that onward didn't translate

properly so it's like peacock is a

robber or peacock

but you know what peacocks get a bad

name i

i remember you know my wife and i are

are looking at maybe buying a house and

here in texas

there's a lot of areas where you can buy

what what we call ranchettes and

there was a a neighborhood that was out

there and you could get

five to ten acres of land

blah blah blah and you ended up with

what they call a barndominium shell

which basically gives you a barn then

you build a house later on

and they had kind of a makeshift hoa

and they were asking questions about you

know what kind of animals can you have

and the explanation was you can have any

kind of

animal you want except peacocks

yeah and that bothered me why can't you

have peacocks well i mean given we're

allowed tigers here in

texas exactly we can have tigers we can

have

ducks which we've determined they're

evil uh

why can't you have peacocks and and so

maybe the bollywood people are on to

something

and they're trying to let everybody know

that peacocks are

terrible animals right i don't know

anything about peacocks no i know

now i know we normally don't go off on

tangents on our podcast

we never go off i just noticed uh you're

drinking

miller light and it says on the can it's

got a picture of a dallas cowboys

player and it's saying celebrating

60 years of greatness now

for the last 20 years have been very

mediocre so

did they actually start before 1960 when

they were established

are they really trying to count these

last 20 years well i

i think part of the problem and let's be

honest

is if we were drinking alien ale right

now which is one of our sponsors and we

just happened to run out so yeah we had

to run to the gas station and buy some

beer that the gas station down the

street doesn't have alien ale

but if alien ale was sponsored

by the cowboys they would probably put

something on there

to say guys you

gotta get your stuff together and

actually try to win some games well i

actually think jason the owner of

alien ale would actually be honest if he

actually put the cowboys on the can

and be like celebrating 11 years of

greatness it wouldn't be 60 years

yeah well well let's be honest jason

would

probably have a baltimore ravens lego on

the canyon

and based off what the ravens are doing

this year i gotta hand it to him and i'd

probably do the same thing

right but uh jason if you're listening

yeah we're out of alien ale again

we need a refill yeah um another great

title

for one of the movies and i thought this

was somewhat

related to cartman in south park at some

point

it's called charming cart woman

charming cart woman yeah explain that

one to me

well again i didn't spend the time to

look up what it's about what do you

think it's about

charming cart woman i'm guessing it's a

woman who she's a car

and she's charming yeah yeah i mean that

would be my guess i

you have this woman that's pushing a

cart down the road

maybe she's selling

i don't know trinkets that you

normally find in a convenience store

and because she doesn't have the real

estate

to have her own store she's got to

relegate herself to a cart

but she's charming yeah you

you like talking to her so

charming carp woman right i i guess

that's where that's going in

and how bollywood made a movie out of

that good for them

yeah because i i couldn't figure out how

to make a movie out of that

well you haven't heard the next one uh

this one i might actually

download uh illegally over bittorrent

because i'm not paying for this crap

i don't know what that is it says that

this is the title of the movie

translated

fish without water electricity without

dance

so one tile fish without water

electricity without dance

that sounds absolutely terrible well

but interesting we're gonna find we're

gonna find out because i'm gonna

download it and i'm gonna bring it to

the studio maybe later on this week and

we're going to sit and watch it

and we might actually you know like

we've done such great musical reviews on

you know the smiths and rem's shows in

my religion we might actually do a movie

review of fish without water electricity

without doubts

i like that idea yeah but

at the same time i hate that idea yeah i

i don't know

we'll have to watch it first because

remember first of all when we heard the

title of the velocipasta we thought oh

this is going to be terrible

true in the top three greatest movies

ever made absolutely

i mean imdb is missing out

because citizen kane

okay you get a pass on that it's a great

movie

whatever it's good for you because

you're colorblind so

yeah and especially because it's in

black and white right i don't have to

worry about that

in translation but number two should be

the philosopher yeah i mean

great special effects great costuming

great writing everything fantastic

movie and this next one i think was

supposed to be a version

honestly stanley kubrick

is probably rolling in his grave right

now that he didn't make the velocities

oh yeah he died a long time ago i didn't

know if he kind of killed himself

after watching the velocipaster and

wished it oh no now what was it

uh the tom cruise nicole kidman movie

not the ice white shot no yeah yeah eyes

shut that that was his last movie and he

all right

it was getting wrong fantastic movies so

underrated by a lot of people as well

yeah

yeah incredible but you know what i

think

if he wouldn't have passed away stanley

kruber

wouldn't have passed away his next movie

would have been the velocipaster yeah it

would have yeah now um

this one like i said i think it was a

bit of a rip-off maybe of pretty woman

i think because actually a lot of uh

bollywood movies

they copy almost like the scripts of a

lot of popular

hollywood movies mess around a little

bit with it

and this one was called cheap bride

expensive groom which makes you think

the bride's a bit of a

and um the groom is too good for her and

so i kind of thought it might be along

that

pretty woman let's be honest that that's

something that is obviously overseas

because in the united states it's

always the opposite it it's the groom

that's

cheap they don't want much it's the

bride that wants everything

so i i can see why bollywood

kind of you know lost out on that one

with the american

audience because it any man knows said

hey i'm here for my wedding give me some

free booze and

you're gonna make me wear this penguin

suit fair enough

but you know i'm worried about what

happens

after the ceremony and the party's over

and we go to the honeymoon suite

well i actually felt kind of guilty

after i first thought

that about that movie because i thought

it might just be a really nice lady who

you know wants to save some money

realize that she's under a budget but

wants to save the money for an audi or

alexis

about six months in i don't know and

then you realized you were absolutely

wrong well i didn't look it up so

there's no no

well there you go there's no way i'm

gonna look it up after this podcast

finishes

either and the last one i'm going to

leave you with in terms of the titles of

some of these great movies is lie

and the crowbites lie

like live like you're telling a lie yeah

i don't know yeah i don't

well actually i'll say that that's what

it translates so i don't know

it means lay down on your back

google translate might have messed this

one up so so say it again

lie and the crow bites

you can't trust crows well to be honest

i don't know

ducks ducks are evil but crows

they're even more evil you know they

gang up on

people and they not people but

animals and you can't trust crows yeah

you you can't trust crows more than you

can't trust ducks

now i can guarantee in any of those

movies going from the classic which we

definitely need to download the salt

bastard one

because that's a hugely popular movie

apparently yes that

and i think we can watch the fish

without water or electricity without

doubts one

what you need to understand you know in

a lot of bollywood movies other than the

dancing

they actually involve a lot of poorly

choreographed

martial arts where the hero is normally

outnumbered by about six to one or

something but

you know they do the usual thing if you

know they attack one at a time and punch

like an 18 month old toddler who's like

sworn to life for pacifism and he

kind of after he's taken like about 90

punches and fallen over a few times he

kind of kicks butt

but that outside of the singing and the

dancing is mainly the kind of theme

for a lot of uh movies regardless of the

genre

regardless of genre yeah we're gonna

we're gonna i'm gonna touch on that a

lot

and it might actually surprise you about

that but yeah

they i think almost every bollywood

movie i've ever caught

a little bit of outside of the singing

and the dancing

which they have brilliant choreography

for well

well let's talk about the singing and

the dancing you keep

kind of glazing over this i mean

is the singing and the dancing good the

choreography is good okay

the singing and the dance so so you've

got somebody in the background you've

got

paula abdul sitting back there and

saying you know here's how you're going

to dance and

all this looks good yeah but the singing

it you're saying not so much singing and

the dancing is terri

well i mean terrible in terms of it it's

if you want i think if we really want to

figure out where

tick-tock came from i think they just

bollywood

yeah bollywood because most of the

dances on tick-tock i think are just

like bollywood rip-offs of things oh

because

but mike said solving problems well

the wolf and the shepherders are solving

mysteries here

so that's where tick-tock came from is

bollywood which surprises me because

china aren't really renowned for ripping

people off

oh no not at all they're original yes

absolutely

they never take a product and put a bad

name on it and

try to sell you a fake version so i mean

it never happens yes i mean it's

actually quite amazing that

you know bollywood has this box office

audience

of you know in 2019 3 billion people

but you know outside of hollywood

you know the markets are not really that

competitive it's

very uh localized you know like

um you know we go we're like chinese

movies

um we saw that advert for that one

earlier

um which i looked up because i read the

title and i thought

oh my goodness this must be the

equivalent of an r-rated movie right

sure absolutely not uh it was called

raped by an angel four

so there's been three previous movies

yeah and

good for them yeah and well i mean if

the first three are that successful why

stop at three i mean look at the friday

the 13th franchise i mean that went on i

mean

you know almost forever same thing with

the nightmare and elm street ones

yep you know yeah halloween same thing

i mean there's lots of halloween movies

yeah but those ones are actually still

quite good i think outside of the third

one which

was terrible they were actually actually

pretty decent you know i could say

but they have that sequel following yeah

right yeah um but anyway yeah raped by

an angel for

the rapers union um

and as we discovered the main actor

plays a role named the human drinking

doctor

now i did actually after i spoke to you

about this earlier i watched the trailer

and i thought it might be a documentary

at first but it is actually a comedy

which i think explains it's kind of like

an offensive rating

let's be honest i i might have thought

that was a documentary right

yeah the human drinking doctor well i

couldn't i couldn't understand what they

were saying so i couldn't tell whether

it was serious or not i'll be honest

with you

yeah i could see that yeah totally could

see that

yeah but um i actually wanted to move on

to maybe an area of bollywood where

it was kind of a true or false section

okay so this might be

uh crap so the i don't believe you

section basically okay but uh true or

false

i have a 50 50 chance of winning here

which is more of uh 50 50 90 10

meaning got a 50 50 shot and i'm

90 gonna probably be wrong

well this depends how well i've

researched this because whatever

even if you gave both answers you still

might be wrong yeah that's true

well anyway apparently bollywood has the

superhero genre

quite a decent and i guess true yeah

well hold on i'm finished yeah oh

sorry well i mean given you know the

birth or

overdoing of superhero movies over the

last decade

you know it's not like disney you

haven't milked that cow till it weighs

four pounds

and they're having to get you know life

support to keep it going

but um one of the most popular uh

bollywood superhero movies is called a

flying jet

j-a-t-t what is a

jet i don't know but do you want to hear

the um

description absolutely a flying jab

i need to know what this is yeah well i

again it might be his last name j-a-t-t

it might be like

you know fair enough whatever but anyway

it's about a man who gains

super powers after falling into a toxic

lake while he was trying to avoid a

sacred

tree trying to avoid

a sacred tree well he tried to take the

long way around

and slipped and fell in the lake and it

was full of toxins and pollutants and

then gained superpowers and i'm guessing

from the title

he can now fly but this might surprise

you

he has a love interest and there's

singing and dancing in it and a little

bit of a

poorly choreographed martial arts

i you know i'm not surprised it based

off of

all of the things that you've told me

about

these movies that one doesn't surprise

me at all

well you'd think you'd actually think

that bollywood uh horror movies would

cut out the musical singing and dancing

right

well but based off what you're telling

me that's an

integral part of the bollywood movies is

the

dancing the singing and all that good

stuff yeah but you think they cut it out

of horror

why well imagine like i don't know like

say

something like halloween two or the

exorcist and all of a sudden

they break out into some singing and

dancing

well the exorcist that's

yeah the classic horror movie i mean to

me that's the best horror movie ever

made

but every once in a while even in a

uh a crime movie in a drama movie

some comic relief might not be too bad

but you can't overuse it

well this when i was looking at

bollywood horror movies

a lot of the return results were the

scariest

bollywood movies ever made so apparently

there are scary bollywood movies

but having said that they release a lot

of albums

kind of along the lines of now that's

what i call bollywood horror songs

volume 12 and that type thing oh wow

they still do have the songs in the

movies and they've

actually got compilation albums of your

favorite yeah just like those

those terrible you know now that's what

i call music

and yeah you know you would buy those at

the store

or or you know order them online or

whatever

so they have those as well well i'm

thinking oh i'm thinking like

and as we were talking about the

exorcists the other day actually on i

think one of our halloween podcasts

that scene is her name reagan in the

movie

yeah reagan yeah yeah well when she's

walking down the stairs and she kind of

pisses herself i'm thinking

that might be a great time for a musical

number to break out with oh

get them get them up get them up get

them up mop it up mop it up

that would she pissed on the stairs you

know that kind of bollywood equivalent

and then she just jumps up and like oh i

came down the stairs backwards in this

crab walk and yeah i'm gonna dance

around like this

yeah now you know there's a remake of

that coming out

right i think it's at the end of this

year or next year no i didn't know about

that i

i know there were yeah well i know there

were

sequels to the exorcist which were not

good

the second one was like was it exorcist

to heretic

or something and then actually the third

one the prequel to the exorcist which

was made a long time after was actually

pretty good

the third one was actually decent yeah i

i'm pretty sure i saw him but yeah i

don't

really remember too much about it yeah

the second one was like a warm

mcdonald's shake i mean it's still a

milkshake but

it's wrong but um what we did discover

as well

and actually you know i tried to

convince you of this and you had your

doubts and you actually went on

google to fact check me but a lot of

bollywood actresses are insanely hot

yes uh i i will admit that

uh when you hit me with this topic i

said

i know nothing about bollywood

honestly i don't know if i want to know

about bollywood

but then he said well you know look up

some pictures of the

actors and actresses so what i did was i

went into

google and i did an image search and i

literally typed

bollywood actresses and

i got to admit lots of beautiful women

oh yeah

incredible beautiful young beautiful

women

in these movies now the funny thing is

in the movies

the uh lead actor at least it used to be

i think with them

[Music]

well we don't know whether it's called

sam and khan or simon carnot i'm not

sure it matters at this point because

he's still swimming streaming and he's

on

and he's he's trying to fight the mantis

apparently he's the greatest

well nobody can fight man no they can't

um

but maybe bollywood actors could well

maybe they could yeah

yeah with our superpowers by avoiding

the sacred tree and yeah

and what if they did a dance and it

confused the mantis shrimp no it would

join in

you have to remember the dancing in a

lot of bollywood movies

it's not just the good guys dancing and

the bad guy's dancing it's not like a

dance off

right so it's not west side story it's

not like

step up two or three or whatever those

movies are like

it's actually yeah everybody kind of

dances together and gets along for about

two and a half minutes

before they start trying to slap the

crap out of each other again well

that makes just as much sense as these

movies do but a lot of but a lot of

those actors in those movies seem to be

about at least

twice as old as the actresses wow

you know i mean i've seen some and like

honestly i thought

you know until i watched a little bit

more of it that this was like a grandad

or something but that was the love

interest and

one one of the most frequent kind of

romantic things in

bollywood movies is love triangles there

never seems to be this unrequited love

or blah blah blah

love triangles as far as like one guy

two women two guys one woman

that'd be too good to be true now

normally it's like the male actor having

to fight for the ladies

affections against another guy and so

you know yes

a few punch-ups and stuff and that's it

but um

i thought there's absolutely no way on

this

earth that singing and dancing

invades every single bollywood genre

right

so i looked this up and i was wrong

even the war movies some of the serious

war movies

the war moves yeah yeah wow even the

ones which have

won awards and like serious ones they're

singing and dancing so i was kind of

like looking to see if they've got a

version of full metal jacket because i

think that might be a bit of a blast

actually to work yeah yeah

i mean this isn't memphis bell right

where harry connick jr was in the movie

and so

even though he was the tail gunner they

had to have that scene where he's

playing the piano and has to sing a song

yeah

that this is more where we're just gonna

put this ridiculous scene in here right

just to have some dancing and singing

around right

ridiculous so do you feel you've learned

everything there is to know about

bollywood today

i'm sure the audience have yeah i i

think

if i wanted to i would

hop on a plane i'd go over to india and

i would just start a film company

i mean why not it it would be so much

cheaper than trying to make movies over

here we have our friend that made the

loss of pastor and i say friend you know

we think we know him because we

love his work imagine if he had the

budget right in india yeah to make that

movie

versus what he had to do over here right

and

what could have transpired with that

because you talked about the martial

arts and everything but

can you imagine the velocity pastor with

like this little

dance-off scene right that would have

made the movie it which

honestly the movie is perfection but

if there was a step beyond perfection

if that was a bollywood movie wow

i mean it's gonna unseat citizen kane

as far as the number one movie of all

time

well i don't i don't think bollywood

could ever come up

with such a great tagline as the

philosopher i don't know if you remember

what the tagline was it was

he's a man of the claw yeah yeah

yeah you can't beat that no that's true

maybe bollywood is always gonna be a

little behind

hollywood but you never know

right i mean with with the day and the

age we're in with netflix and hulu and

all that stuff going on uh

amazon bought the borat sequel

didn't go into theaters they bought the

movie

and and released it uh amazon's been

buying up movies

left and right uh movie theaters are

dying

it's kind of sad actually i mean i used

to like going to the movie theater and

and seeing

movies and you and i we've went and

we've seen

star wars movies together and everything

and the whole

movie theater thing is no i've seen i've

seen star wars movies you've fallen

asleep every movie i've ever been to

yeah that's true i i do falsely during

the movies

i fall asleep during anything i'm trying

to watch but

well with all that said thanks for

tuning in to this

episode of the wolf in the shepherd we

hope that you

have learned everything you need to know

about bollywood because

apparently i have and now i am a

bollywood expert and we'll catch you on

the next one