The Wolf And The Shepherd decided that an untapped market is podcasts for Amish people to listen to, so they sat down and had a quick discussion on the Amish, including online dating for Amish, Amish doll manufacturing in China, and how they can make money using a new cryptocurrency specifically designed for the Amish communities.
welcome to this episode of the wolf and
the shepherd today we figured we
would jump into one of those topics that
a lot of our potential listeners are
probably following
but can't just seem to find a podcast
out there about their specific niche
their specific
topic their way of life so through my
research
i went to the wolf and i said i i found
a subset of people that need a podcast
about them
so they can listen so the one that i
chose was
the amish yeah now before we actually
start today
i just want to let our listening
audience know that
we do actually do a little bit of
research listening to other people's
podcasts
a little bit a little bit a little bit
like i think we've listened to four in
five months but um and no not whole
episodes
well now come on i mean there's
podcasters out there that we are
listening to oh no not the big ones i'm
talking oh
oh okay i'm talking about the
competition the nobody's
oh yeah that is yeah anyway so we
listened to about
three and a half minutes of a podcast
tonight before we started
um and let's not let's not name it
let's not be careful now i've forgotten
the name of it oh okay good i'm good
but it amazed me how enthusiastic
it was you know just like the guy who
introduced it he was just so
enthusiastic
now i know why we're not enthusiastic
at the beginning of our podcast it's
because we know what's in it we like to
get the disappointment out of the way on
behalf of our listeners before we start
well that's our delivery system right
yeah why
why should we try to flavor something up
that is going to be
so different and that's the point yeah
like you say let's get the
disappointment out of it yeah
disappointment's not the way up front so
anyway the amish which
until are you saying you're disappointed
in the amish
no oh okay you can't be disappointed in
the amish but even if you are they're
not going to find out about it
apparently
so anyway um as
normal we try and start off with a
definition for our listeners
because people kind of have a view of
what the amish are
well well before we even define that
should we talk about
how we had a conversation just before we
hit record that you kept calling them
the amish
and not the amish well i'd never heard
of them before until i
came to texas yeah so that that's just
kind of bizarre because you kept saying
amos i didn't know there was a silent r
ah
amish well y'all talk funny
well we don't have the amish or the army
nah
anyway wikipedia you know possibly one
of the uh
least reputable and unfat
check sources on the interwebs which in
our go-to for
all of our research needs work closely
aligns with our vision
yes so anyway it defines the amish as
such
a group of traditionalist
traditionalists i think i spelt that
wrong when i first wrote it down
uh christian church fellowships with
swiss german
and alsatian anabaptist origins
they are closely related to but a
distinct
branch from the mennonite churches
so that's going to be fun for the
automated transcript thing that we use
to try to spell those words well you
think after that
definition right you'd figure we'd have
looked up the definitions of the words
anabaptist and mennonite but i didn't do
either no i didn't do ideas
i kind of know what a mennonite is but
anabaptist
i would have just said uh chick named
anna goes to a baptist church yeah
well i thought men are like anabaptist i
thought a mennonite was a certain type
of meteorite so
well that that does make sense yeah yes
i i can tell you that um
in england an alsatian is a german
shepherd duckling
that's interesting so what a um alsatian
anabaptist
is i don't really know yeah it's a dog
it's a dog named anna who goes to a
baptist church right
yeah and eats potluck dinner on sunday
afternoon
that's fair enough okay let's go with
that maybe
maybe we should create a wikipedia page
based off of that
yeah and go ahead and fill that
information in well no we don't
solve that problem we can go in we can
actually um we can actually go in and
edit what they've got on wikipedia right
now and update it with our definition oh
because that's how good it is as a yeah
but accurate resource once again that
sounds like a lot of work it's a lot of
work yeah but if any of our listeners
want to go in and do that on our behalf
yeah yeah please you can actually
because of the way wikipedia works right
you have to cite a source
and so this podcast can be the whole
source
so there you go so somebody can jump in
and do that for us because
yeah we're too lazy to do that but if
you do go ahead and do it
send us an email from the shepherd at
gmail.com and we will send you a signed
copy of today's notes for the episode
yeah and not only that but because we're
so lazy i mean we do have our own
website
but we're just too lazy to set up the
email that comes along with our domain
name yeah so that's why we still have a
gmail address
so anyway i figured like i was a bit
confused by that definition
so i should probably go to a more
reputable source
okay which i fought that kind of
inclination for a couple of minutes but
thought i should go ahead and do it so
anyway i went to britannica.com which i
think
is linked to the britannica like
encyclopedia stuff
okay all right um so anyway it's far
more respected source of information
which is
probably why we avoid using it yes
exactly so anyway
it describes the uh amish like this it
goes out
amish also called amish mennonite
member of a christine group in north
america
primarily the old order amish mennonite
church which originated in the late 17th
century
among followers of jacob ahman
now it's one of those names jacob where
it's spelt with a k so he's
oh j j a k o b yeah he's trying to be
street i think yeah
that that sounds yeah yeah yeah
yeah okay yeah i i think that's a street
name
which is kind of ironic if you think
about it but
okay good for jacob right yeah
yeah no it should be j hyphen a carb
there you go j carb j yeah j
whatever that grammatical symbol is
which
i've forgotten yeah yeah jacob yeah
anyway
there you go he gave birth to the amish
nice
good for him yeah i mean so you got jake
cobb and you got
a couple other people in some other
different religions that
are you know fairly recent but j cobb is
up there jacob
he gave birth to the amish yeah so good
for him yeah props to jacob
so if our listeners at this point have
learned nothing about the amish which is
probably
accurate um other than jacob jacob
um i'm about to drop some kind of facts
about the amish
yeah just to get the factual part out of
the way before we start pooping on them
yeah
yeah let's uh let's talk some facts
about the army yeah all right
well again this was like first page of
google so this might not be as factual
as it could be
anyway the amish came to the united
states in the early 18th century
to escape religious persecution in
europe
like the rest of us yeah like pretty
much everybody's no bad shyvana that's
why we all ran over here well
okay well not everybody i can already
see the hate mail coming there
so it you know not everybody came over
here escaping religious persecution
well no i came over in 1999 to to escape
religious persecution and i was a
christian
well yeah but you like soccer too yeah
that's true
yeah so that makes sense yeah one thing
which actually shocked me
was uh because we we all have these
um i guess preconceptions of the amish
of not
wanting anything to do with like
anything modern society right yeah
modern technology yeah you don't want to
have any part of that
so um each amish community they actually
make their own decisions
when it comes to technology so whether
they're allowed telephones or cars
all that stuff so you might have one
community doesn't have any phones
no cars and you know i don't know how
far apart these communities
live but wouldn't it be weird if you
were like one side of the road and like
there's another amish community the
other side of the road and you
see them like driving around in open top
cars you know
talking on their cell phones right that
would be a little bit frustrating
that's frustrating that that's literally
growing up on the wrong side of the
track
i would ride over there and my horse and
buggy and shout out them
yes absolutely yeah uh shout with a
homemade megaphone but yeah you wouldn't
have one of the
yeah you know modern speakers that you
could yell at them
well you don't know but some communities
might consider that homemade megaphone
too much technology because you're
amplifying your voice
that is true right that's one way to
look at it a bit so
feel already feeling sorry for him yeah
now already feeling
now far from us this was not supposed to
be depressing
this was supposed to be you know another
happy podcast and now i'm already
feeling sorry for these people well i
mean far from us to make
light of the subject of the amish but
apparently
some communities allow bicycles right
okay but some only allow bicycles
with no pedals how do you ride a bicycle
without pedals
i don't know if you just push it and
jump on it you know it's like a
skateboard you kind of have to do
like a lot of the work i don't know but
yeah no pedals
now i don't know if they buy the bike
and like take the pedals off
or it's just a bike literally with no
propulsion system other than it just has
wheels and you have to do all the leg
work i i wonder if there is
a manufacturer of bicycles with no
pedals
that you know a couple of guys like you
and i were sitting around were like
you know what market we need to corner
the amish
no pedal bicycle market we can sell
four of these a year so let's mass
produce these in china
ship them over and trade them for
marbles
or something however they're paying for
this yeah mass produce them for a year
yeah yeah well actually no i think we
need to probably order five because
we'll
probably get a a bigger discount and b
that's true
as the number of amish keep increasing
that our market
might kind of yeah well and also if
we're going to have a
manufactured we got to make sure that
somehow
this bicycle with no pedal is going to
break down
and can't be fixed so they'll trade it
in to get a new bicycle
and somehow like redesign this no pedal
bicycle every few years to keep the
the model years fresh say oh i gotta
have the the freshest new
bicycle with no pedals my my thing with
it though is like if you live in an
insular community where you're gonna go
with it anyway
like 50 yards to like your best friend's
house
maybe so but i mean i'm sure there's
jealousy out there that it's like
oh well you know jacob the eighth
has this fantastic no-pedal bicycle and
mine's three years old i i want a better
no-pedal bicycle
i'll tell you what though i'd be showing
off if i had the one with the pedals i'd
be just
i'd be pulling wheelies and doing like
stunts on it
well you know what now i want to go home
and take the pedals off my kids bicycles
and say
you know we're gonna learn about the
amish
it's good enough for you so you can you
can have your bicycle with no pedals
they've figured it out
now go in the backyard and build me a
barn that's right yeah
so um um this isn't a stump the shepherd
question but how many um
armist do you think approximately you're
in the us canada
at the moment oh usa and canada yeah i'm
gonna guess
probably somewhere around like say 20
000.
it's actually 250 000. wow okay
now in 1989 there was only a hundred
thousand now we do know they like large
families and breed like rabbits because
they don't have
sling tv or xbox there's no distractions
yeah anything to do other than right
around although
although i did come up with an idea
about this right okay because they do
like to have large families right but
they tend to all live in the same house
so it must be off-putting knowing you've
got nine children
within about 20 feet of you and you're
trying to produce child number 10 or
yeah but maybe that's why they build
such big barns maybe they send the kids
out
they don't live in them well yeah to do
what i feed the horses all night yeah
i'd
shine the no pedal bicycles yeah you
know they gotta have chores
something like that to get them out of
the house i mean i don't know i'm not
amish i don't know
i don't you're supposed to be teaching
me these things i don't want to appear
judgmental but it seems like we're
actually
creating more problems for the amish
community than they already have at the
moment
yeah it's a good thing that they they're
gonna listen to this podcast
uh through their devices and and realize
we're gonna solve all the problems in
the amish community well the ones
when given some of the communities are
allowed telephones i don't know if that
was just kind of landlines or whether
they're actually allowed an iphone or
like a samsung or something
because they can actually listen to the
podcast can't they if they have like
smartphone
yeah but don't they have to have
electricity to charge up the battery on
their smartphone well maybe
maybe on their no pedal bicycle they can
do a kind of like a generator type thing
where
little timmy has to pedal for four hours
to charge up the iphone
feel sorry for little timmy or they
could get us well no i guess solar
powered technology is going too far
yeah i i think that's a little bit
farther than just a rudimentary version
of the
generator and capacitor and all that
stuff so um
about 63 of the amish
um they're actually located in
pennsylvania
ohio and indiana okay that's where most
of them are now how many
um amish people do you think there are
in texas uh
less than twenty five hundred sixty five
sixty five yeah i think we should so i
was correct i think we should go and
pay him a visit yeah uh we're out in
texas do we know
uh they're in town the internet knows i
didn't know they're looking it up
but i do think we should go visit them
because it's got to all be in one
community
well yeah right and you're talking about
these big families so you're talking
about like four families basically
i mean they're living in a cul-de-sac
somewhere basically yeah and they're
like hey
uh we're gonna all move here we're gonna
live in this cul-de-sac
and we're all gonna be amish yeah so
i know if there are any attractive women
in that amish community if you'd like to
uh drop us a line we will come in and
dilute the bloodline
for you i don't know about it through
our frozen
um remember we froze that oh that's true
we yeah we'll see if anybody would sign
up yeah we did
answer that email that came in and uh
see if anybody wants
our children from our frozen sperm
that's true right still waiting on the
check from that
well we i thought it was it they only
pay us if somebody
like has one of the no that's why we're
still waiting on the chat yeah
okay okay so um amish children
uh mostly kind of like go to private
school but they drop
but they drop out about eighth grade
which is what like age
14 yeah somewhere around so they missed
the whole high school
experience which probably isn't a biggie
but yeah they drop
out now thinking back to high school
what did you learn in high school
which if you hadn't have learned would
have been quite detrimental i mean if
you'd have cut your education off
at age 14 what kind of surprises would
there have been now remember this is the
amish so i mean it's
you know not like right some of the
things you learned in high school were
really that pertinent to life school
can't say
that i have anything that i had learned
in high school
that i didn't have to either relearn in
college or couldn't have figured out for
myself
uh trying to go through all my high
school classes
uh yeah i mean i took uh an autocad
class that worked out very well for me
uh since i've never used autocad since
then
so uh yeah i'm gonna go with nothing
before we end the facts on the amish
because i think we've already overdone
it in terms of facts
yeah i mean now now we've pretty much
said all the facts we need to know about
the amish yeah
we're now experts well the most famous
aspect of armist
social life which we didn't even know
they had a social life before so
we've even got to a fact before we've
even got to the fact
it's called a rum springer ah
so now i've i've heard about this rum
springer r-u-m-s-p-r
a rum springer yeah that's when the kids
get to go out and experience the
quote-unquote english lifestyle right
yeah well it
it actually translates as running around
okay yeah i don't i don't know that
means literally they just like
run around a barn in circles i
i remember watching some tv shows and
everything about this rum springer or
rumsfrogger however you pronounce it and
you know they get to go out and they get
to
do whatever they want for a while
experience what they call the english
lifestyle which is basically the
american lifestyle
and then make their decision as to
whether or not
they want to be a permanent member of
the amish community
so it gives them kind of a little taste
of temptation
and then they can make their decision
whether or not they want to be amish
now one thing i do remember about
hearing about this
is if they decide to go ahead
and we'll use the term americanized
themselves
they're shunned and they don't
get to communicate with their family and
friends and
and they ignore them basically so
they're all out on their own where
they have no money they have no
possessions they have nothing
and they're just they're on their own
and they got to figure it out for
themselves
now one thing i did learn which has just
come back to me from
accidentally watching some reality tv
show about the amish is that when people
do get kicked out of the community or
voluntarily leave the community
the amish actually send these kind of
people out like bounty hunters
to go and try and like win them back
into the community after
and but when they come back they have to
do all this kind of
attrition for their sins admit they were
wrong and they try and bring them back
in
it's like dog the bounty hunter but
jacob the bounty hunter
the amish bounty hunter yeah doesn't
that sound like a great
should be a great shot yeah like we
should be executive producers yeah jacob
the amish bounty banner
so there's some rum springer when i
when i looked it up and i'm sure i kind
of like skimmed across the paragraph
because this doesn't sound
as entirely thorough as probably
it should but it begins with socializing
with friends
and ends up in marriage there was more
to it but that's all i got out the
entire paragraph it begins with
socializing with friends at around age
16
and ends up with marriage yeah
sounds like uh some church groups that
i knew about when i was younger too yeah
i mean they kind of
along those same lines yeah crazy i
don't know if running around's got a
little bit more yeah
it makes it sound a little bit more
exciting than it really is
yeah you know other than that kind of
in-depth expose of the amish their
history
their lifestyle there are regular people
out there
who have questions about the amish right
about things which they haven't
necessarily got factually but you know
some maybe some misconceptions
right some ideas and stuff so i um
again went on google and researched
the four most popular questions about
the amish
oh got the answers yeah so this probably
covers about 83
of the population who have any questions
about the amish whatsoever
okay i actually got the questions and i
got the answers now when i say i got the
answers
i didn't click to see the source of the
answers but that's fine but they are
i'm sure they're i'm sure they're
accurate so what i was going to do
i was going to sneak in a stump the
shepherd thing here where
where you might not be wrong even if
your answer doesn't agree with what i
found out because
what i find out found out might be
complete crap so
true there we go okay so um this was the
first question
and i don't know why like if you were
very curious about the amish actually if
you were very curious about the amish
right what would be the
first question you would ask why
why yeah what what why
why do this i mean they're they're
sitting there
and they know everything going on
in the country well maybe they don't uh
no
i think they do yeah no i've got a
friend of mine
who used to live in ohio and he talked
about going to walmart and they actually
had horse and buggy parking and
everything i mean
they know what's going on outside their
little community
so my question would be why why
why would you want to live this life
why why choose this way when you know
what else is out there so why yeah
that's not what people wanted to know
apparently really
the number one question was what do the
amish do for fun what do you think the
amish do for fun
shepard horseshoes like play horseshoes
i could see that that shouldn't be
against a religion
uh i think they're a bit of a waste not
want not community do you really think
they're producing more horseshoes that
they've got a surplus
yeah but they once they take off yeah
but they have horses going down
we know that and i'm guessing they're
shoeing the horses
and you know when you have a farrier
that goes in and
you know replaces horseshoes that old
horseshoes
have to be discarded so they've got to
be playing horseshoes
so uh horseshoes uh
that's it yeah okay so so horseshoes
that's what they do for fun
well they play horseshoes well this was
a bit of a shock to me but um
games are big among most amish
communities right
and apparently they're very competitive
now there was a side note when i read
this and it said
there are some individuals and who are
not enthusiastic about taking part in
the games
really yeah so you get like real moody
amish sitting at the side there like not
want to take part well you know every
community is going to have something
it's going to be moody so well yeah it's
probably some equipment
of a millennial who just doesn't want to
get involved just right
but better one of the games yeah oh yeah
no
no it didn't mention all shows really so
it says here adults in big groups now i
don't know
what necessary a big
group whether it be like six or 34 or
obviously no more than 65 in texas
yeah um it says uh they will play games
like
charades right charades schrades
well charades charades yeah charades now
how do you play charades over here uh
what is it
uh you're supposed to start out with uh
movies
yeah now hold up stop right there uh
this is where the game falls flat
yeah no that's true
am i thinking of that i've never watched
yeah and you've never watched or
probably never heard of either
yeah so yeah so if we went in to play
charades with them
and white stripes wasted star wars yeah
yeah it'd take like 17 months we'd have
to actually act out the letters and let
them join the letters and then say the
word
yeah and then they would try to wonder
why
yeah and and why the sparkly items in
the sky are fighting each other yeah
um it's another one they play pictionary
okay
nothing wrong with pictionary okay um
apples to apples what's that i've not
actually heard of that one
is this like bobbing for apples no i i
was thinking it's some kind of
comparison game what am i
like a kind of what am i thinking of
type thing again i didn't bother looking
it up yeah
but apples to apples never heard of it
yeah
but anyway there was no mention of any
xbox so those are the kind of uh games
or horseshoes or horseshoes yeah you
would have thought i was a given but
charade
so come on yeah that's gotta be
yeah right so um it's the second
question
i typed this typed it i wrote it down i
couldn't be bothered open word
um why do amish remove
girls teeth not any girl they come
across within their own community
remember remove girls teeth yeah
that doesn't make any sense to me so
just girls i'm i'm
guessing yeah so obviously they're
assuming they're genders
uh so they're you know thinking that way
but
uh removing the teeth yeah
uh you got me first of all
come up with a theory think about
everything you know about the amish
why would they remove the girl's teeth
so they can't eat as much food and keep
them skinny
right no kidding moderate no modern
solution
modern problems require modern solutions
but that's not it
oh thank you dave chappelle for that
yeah but then that no
almost makes sense yeah admit and admit
to me right now
something that's something you would do
if you lived in the army community yeah
yeah yeah i mean i'll be an amish
dentist and i'll say hey
you know you've got slim pickings here
so
i'm gonna remove some of these chicks
teeth to make sure
they're gonna be like size four yeah but
your advert would be something like oi
fatty come here i can make you help
i can help you lose weight yeah i mean
that that would be the
ginny craig but there's no pc culture it
doesn't matter you can use those words
hey fatty come here i'm going to help
you lose weight
that's true yeah yeah yeah it'd be hard
to mass produce those advertisements and
you don't have tv
we're gonna have to hand write them yeah
with horse stung or something
yeah or maybe old horseshoes
and you just yeah maybe you could throw
old horseshoes at their mouths and bust
the teeth out that'd be
good past time maybe yeah man we're
going
south real quick on this one so anyway
um
the amish believe that vanity goes
against
god that that's their explanation vanity
goes against god right so they've run
with that
so they've run with that idea right okay
and it says um the appearance of teeth
in women is looked down upon in amish
communities
so a number of amish reality tv shows of
which i have watched a few episodes here
and there
introduced the concept of having a
healthy set of teeth
pulled out even at a young age okay so
all right you confused me a little bit
so
you're talking about not like taking out
the back teeth
or whatever and leaving you know the
front teeth
when you open your mouth and you see the
front teeth you're talking about
no kidding just yanking them all well
you know well you know what
i don't know because if we're talking
about vanity nobody really kind of oh
yeah they've got a nice pair of back
teeth it might just be the front ones
anything which makes them look
attractive they might just knock out
so they might keep all the ones at the
back which you can't see
again probably should have done more
research yeah probably you should have
but
it there was a question yeah at the same
time i'm sitting right down the cliff
thinking it you know there must be
a kind of insider
industry outside of amish communities
when these girls get these teeth yanked
out
that they're gonna turn around and go
get new teeth yeah so
i mean you could set up a dentist shop
somewhere like a cosmetic dentist
somewhere
and put new teeth in there man that's
that
that's gotta suck yeah i don't remember
what part of the
bible it talks about taking the teeth
out well
that's why i think that's why i think
they run with the kind of
belief of vanity goes against god
okay you know that that one's that one
to me is up
it kind of it kind of um led me to think
well do the amish women kind of
shave their armpits and shave their legs
or is it just like
the whole her sweet approach of you know
if i turn into chewbacca after the age
of uh
puberty then that's right but if you've
ever
met an amish person you've seen their
haircuts
and it's like okay well
you don't need any additional help i
mean they're not wearing makeup
so there's not that much vanity
probably explains why most of them live
in pennsylvania
yeah that's true there's a lot of
pennsylvanian women even the non-amish
ones are pretty basic
they don't really wear
congratulations to us we just lost every
listener in pennsylvania but
uh sucks to be y'all because y'all are
here in texas
where the women are yeah beautiful
beautiful yeah so um
is one which i figured you might have
some
input on what the amish not allowed to
do
amish women are not allowed to brush
their teeth
so it would be easier for the amish
dentist to remove them
so i'm going to go with that with number
one
how long do you think dentistry school
takes in the amish community i mean
if you're an orthodontist there and
you're just responsible for knocking out
the front teeth it's going to be like a
weak course
oh no not even a week i'm thinking you
know
big breakfast big big breakfast meeting
right
everybody's eggs and sausage biscuits
and gravy
all that and then dude gets up there and
says
okay uh bust their teeth out who's ready
for lunch
i think that's how it goes yeah i could
teach that now
you gotta think they probably don't have
anesthetic or any of that
so do you think they pull them out but
like pliers bash them in with the
horseshoes or yeah but i wonder
you know like you say with the
anesthetic uh
do they drink have we looked that up i
don't think they do
interesting you'd figure though with you
know if they're
more agricultural or rural they could
find a way to
make some alcoholic beverage
from fermentation of say that right
natural produce right
that's true yeah but i don't think at
any point
during that paragraph i read about why
did the amish remove
girls teeth it was inferring that
they get young teenage girls drunk then
hit their teeth out with a brick
but we can't prove but we can't prove
that so it's a possibility
so go on more things what the amish not
allowed to do
ah drive cars again we know that's not
true some communities they are
oh really because because you always
picture that you know horse and buggy
thing
right well yeah that that's that
stereotypical amish that
that they've got the horse and body and
they're driving around there and they're
not allowed to
drive cars uh i'm gonna guess
they're not allowed to you know it and
we kind of joked about this before but
you know watch movies watch tv
what watch any kind of entertainment put
out by
the hollywood machine so do you think
when it comes back to the telephone
thing then
then smartphones are definitely not
allowed because i would think so i think
if they if they
just be honest i mean they can do
anything with an iphone yeah but
but if they've got a samsung galaxy yeah
if they've got
phones and they're allowed to have
phones you would honestly think they're
either
landline phones or their flip phones
like that somebody's bought a box
like a case or whatever a motorola
razors from the
late 1990s and are finally letting them
have phones
and that's it bet they don't pay the
bill online though
oh that's true maybe they got to do the
prepaid thing yeah
maybe they pay in straw
yeah well i know a lot of them sell
their furniture
so maybe they trade furniture for you
know 7-eleven flip phones
this is where an etsy or an ebay store
would really work in their favor
yeah it would if they had a computer
yeah that's right
so anyway the answers from the interwebs
about what they're not allowed to do
it says uh old order now we did
establish before the show began that
there were four
different um types of amish there was
old order new order and i forgot the
other two and we didn't bother looking
up see what those other two are but
anyway old order amish communities um
they actually
um won't allow you to have buttons or
zippers
you can't button anything up can't zip
yeah so no buttons
no zippers draw strings only son oh
wow okay so can you use a belt
i i don't know okay it'd probably be a
drawstring again
if you're not going to use the zipper
you might as well just use use a piece
of string for every function all right
so
so so walk me through this so so you're
an amish dude
right and they're making their own
clothes and you want
a wife that's going to be able to sew
those clothes
she can't use buttons she can't use
zippers
i think you just do holes and put the
string through don't you yeah but
okay now follow me here but all her
teeth are busted out
so she can't take that thread and just
can't hold it in a teeth and yeah
she can't do that so isn't that kind of
a fallacy
and what they're trying to accomplish
here oh i don't know
um this is getting very complicated so
anyway i thought this was going to be
simple
now now i have all done there yeah
yeah for men they regulate the hair and
the beard length
okay can't have your beard too long
can't have your hair too long whereas
women are not allowed to
cut the hair at all and what about beard
length for the women
well again i'd be more worried about the
armpit and the leg
hair really because you can close your
eyes to the beard you can't really
ignore the hair everywhere else thing
if you're trying to make a large family
and that this is uh
man this is going south i i'm really
feeling sorry for it well no actually
it's a it's an uplift
the last question actually was quite
uplifting
i don't know how we can make this one go
south let's put it that way okay well
good because we
we need something on a high note here in
this section so
please end this on a high note so uh why
do
amish get married on thursdays the
wedding venues are gonna be cheaper on a
thursday because everybody wants to get
married on a friday saturday or sunday
but i don't think they're
too worried about well they get married
in the amish community
exactly well that's what i mean they're
not too worried about paying for that
so thursday okay well i'm guessing
they're going to church on sunday right
so is this a thursday
night you know going into friday and
saturday kind of like a
two-day honeymoon
doubtful you know consummating the
marriage
thing i very much doubt there's any
honeymoon involved
unless they're going across the road to
the other community
well when i say honeymoon i'm not
talking about a trip i'm i'm talking
about
you know the consummation of the
marriage type deal
to give you know this poor kid that's
looking at his new wife that has no
teeth and can't sew
two days to try to consummate the
marriage
because maybe he needs 48 hours to make
it happen i mean i'm not trying to be
crass but
you know use your imagination maybe it
takes that long to
go ahead and and you know make the magic
happen
so to speak we can't say they don't sew
because i think they make all their own
clothes
well i know right now they must be out
so
it's not like they're putting because at
some point you've got about as so
well okay so follow me here
i don't think you need teeth to sew i
think at some point on the interwebs
you've found this correlation between
sewing and having teeth and decided one
cannot happen without
the other that's true yeah i don't think
that's true i think you're talking about
threading the eye of a needle but you
remember
when you're sewing big clothes it's not
a thin needle it's not fine stuff i mean
it's probably one of those
needle eyes where you know even somebody
with uh parkinson's disease can thread
the needle
yeah but but but follow me here let
let's take the sewing out of it
so it with everything you've described
you have to consummate the marriage
yeah and you know what you're facing
yeah
maybe it takes you a little bit of time
to be able to
be quote unquote up to the challenge
and so that's maybe the thursday i mean
i'm shooting in the dark
here i mean you you hit me with this
it's on thursdays
so hopefully you're gonna tell me why
it's on thursday this is where jacob
needs some alcohol
yeah um so anyway amish weddings they're
normally on thursdays sometimes on
tuesdays actually
depending upon the community um because
it's actually the least
busy day of the week in terms of farming
i don't know why so all of a sudden
thursday's not a busy day for farming i
don't have the cows kind of
it's their day off or right are they in
some kind of a
cow union where they're like we're not
going to do anything
all the animals all the animals have
trade unions yeah the chickens
chickens and the cows kind of lay down
tools and don't forget about the ducks
the ducks are probably the ones that
started this yeah yeah
little mini hitlers um so apparently
for a wedding right it takes a full day
to prepare
and a full day to clean up for the event
so
you can't let your parents know on a
wednesday that you're going to be
married on a thursday you have to kind
of give them two days so they can
spend like so if you let them know on
tuesday they can prepare on wednesday
right you get married on thursday
yeah so so when wednesday all the prep
work's done
thursday's the wedding friday they gotta
clean up
yeah and that's it and then you got
saturday night and they're not waking up
and watching cartoons
there should be a reality show on the
amish wedding planner
do you think they wear wedding dresses
and have all that type stuff oh i
guarantee there's no bachelorette party
no no night
let's be honest that that would be
pretty boring based off all the stuff
that you're talking to me about right
now but
uh yeah i mean what are they doing on
saturday right i mean are they just
going back to normal
i was thinking about that and i was
thinking about the hmm
i thought well yeah be a pretty cushy
and easy job to be an orthodontist
in the amish community and wedding
planner might be an untapped
resource for us to go into and do so i
was thinking about
some entrepreneurship that you and i the
wolf and the shepherd could do
to provide services for the amish
community
right and let's be honest you could
probably do
both of those jobs and still do another
job
yeah well because if if you're a wedding
planner right
i mean you gotta make sure that you're
there for
wednesday to get everything set up
thursday make sure everything's good
friday make sure everything gets cleaned
up
saturday you take a day off sunday you
go to church
monday and tuesday you run your dentist
shop
so i mean now two jobs
why not well i do want to say that if
this is
about the amish community in texas where
there's only 65 of them
we're going to have to be salaried
because there's not going to be much
work there mostly you can have a lot of
days off
no that's a good point that's a good
point
you've got to be able to make a living
yeah so uh
i mean with 65 people maybe
once twice a year you're going to have a
wedding right
because i forgot to mention the amish
aren't allowed to get divorced so you're
not going to have to remember
so with those 65 other than the one
person who's going to be sadly left out
best you're going to have 32 marriages
yeah so
so you couldn't add amish divorce
attorney
to that list because you're not going to
make any money okay now marriage
counseling yes
you could see how this one guy is this
yeah he's gonna wear a lot of hats
yeah yeah and i'm i'm guessing you know
they all wear hats
yeah so i wonder if they switch out hats
depending on
you know literally what hat they're
wearing now it doesn't i mean i can't
remember
from uh watching um the reality
tv shows do the women wear those bonnets
because i know the men wearing those
hats the women will have
bonuses yeah the little white blonde
braided braided hair and bonnets
yeah yeah well i don't know about the
braided hair but i know about the bonnet
i don't know anyway so i was sitting
there thinking
how can you and i make money from the
amish
yeah that's the goal here yeah how can
we monetize
the amish community well first of all i
kind of went the rogue route of thinking
well we could just go rob them because
we're not going to be caught on security
camera
oh that's a good point yeah but if they
have no money
chasing it off with pitchforks yeah but
if they have no money
teeth to sell on uh ebay to witches
for um rich okay um some horses because
horses always go for good money
true um past that i well i didn't get
past that because i actually came up
with some really good ideas where we can
make money in the amish community right
okay
so number one create a social media
platform ex
exclusively for the amish because the
amish are now
found in 30 states plus your favorite
country canada
ah so it might be useful to connect them
i think we could go to mark zuckerberg
and he would hand this off to us i i
really do
amish book yeah i mean we could have
amish but we don't need his permission
to make
amish book amisha graham yeah but we're
so lazy
we need to steal the code i mean we're
not gonna write a website for this
we we need something to spin off for us
that we can just
you know drag and drop go on godaddy.com
maybe we should just make it a facebook
page or a facebook group yes
yeah no that's a good idea let's do that
so it's just for amish people a facebook
group for amish people
i'm sure we're going to have
zero people on that group well the
problem is the feed
the news feed is going to be pretty
boring when you've got your friends
connected what did you do today
um built upon
i picked some crops yeah
uh yelled at the ducks sprained it
sprained my leg right in my no pedal
bike
um busted the teeth out of my door
so she fell asleep playing charades
because nobody could guess the movie i
was thinking of yeah
yeah yeah there's not going to be a lot
of content there well anyway
it's just an idea it might be money
anyway the other one
came up with again this does involve
having a computer so i don't know how
many of this was
will relate to but then i thought well
you know what this
doesn't have to be done on computer this
can be done with good old
manual pen and paper right okay online
dating or
offline dating okay now in case of those
communities the old
order communities where maybe they're
not allowed like um cameras and stuff
right i figured you and i if we can't
take profile photos we can do profile
drawings knowing our talent
in artistry especially portraits
of faces yeah because i'll be honest
with you i don't think it's really gonna
matter
i figured yeah either online or offline
dating
and i figured why it'd be such a hit
okay
okay you think of regular dating apps at
the moment
they fail because people were looking
you know
for people who they find attractive and
they have something in common with
gotcha and it is that second bit i
figured well
let's take the guess work out of
everything right similar taste in music
check right similar fashion choices
check like bids check
like large families check like building
barns
check so there we go so i mean already
the interests are like
oh my goodness we have so much in common
that is now
the men all have beards and hair of a
regulated length
the women are wearing the bonnets and
they've got the long hair anyway
remember none of them are going to be
fat because we've knocked all their
front teeth out
right right so i mean it's an easy match
pretty much everybody as long as they're
kind of single
is an easy match so i think we could do
this so how do we get past the uh
swipe left or swipe right if they don't
have this
is it uh you burn a fire
in the backyard when you
have decided yes this is a match and you
burn a fire in the front yard when it's
not a match
yeah how do how do we determine how the
matches are and
we'll track that well i'll be honest
with you i don't really think past the
eventuality that anybody would actually
say
no yeah that's true this is this is your
match more like it's more actually like
an arranged marriage
type things like this is the person
you're going to marry yeah or
or like yeah certain friends of ours
where it's like
okay well i know my choices are kind of
limited
so i'm just going to take what i need so
anyway so i think we could
do a like i said if they're not up for
the online day and we could do the
offline day yeah for the army
yeah i mean we could put like a a spiral
notebook together
and just kind of pass it around yeah
that could work
i think i'd actually like to date an
amish girl because outside of my
adversion to hard work
i think there's actually less chance of
me disappointing her that's probably
true yeah
the the problem with your theory though
is i think it'd be a lot of hard work
to date an amish girl cause you're gonna
have to infiltrate that we don't have to
worry about our sexting somebody
well no that's true but if you're
already
going to talk much differently than the
community
they're already gonna look at you as so
much of an outsider so
that because they're all basically
except for the canadians they're
americanized so they're gonna know
you're from the outside
it and you don't have any hair on your
head so you don't have that goofy
haircut
going on i'll just wear a hat with a wig
built into it i think
oh i think that's i mean i can grow i
can grow a good beard i've got
hair on my face yeah but so so maybe
that is how we can make money on this
that you can sell hats with the fake
amish haircut underneath that's the
point you've got to figure some of them
go board right some of them have got to
have a mutated gene where they go bored
and i have to they can't grow long hair
if they're boring
so they've got to have the wigs that
that's true yeah
that's a good point yeah but but then
you have to learn that
you know german version of pennsylvania
dutch or
whatever that they speak but you're so
hard to understand anyway and maybe you
can get away with that
i don't know i don't know good luck to
you i i think if anybody can pull it off
it's going to be you i think i could
become a king in the
amish community because because if i had
because if i had my phone
secretly and especially like once um our
friend elon musk gets all his uh
you know wi-fi everywhere in the world
right yeah you know i can connect
i can have wi-fi always on i can connect
and anything they have a problem with i
can secretly go
you know into the woods and pretend i'm
going to be taking a poo
in a hole yeah and i can look up the
issue on youtube come back and come up
with
with a solution or any problem they have
or
the this might work better rather than
being the king
you could be a sorcerer and you could
have type of wizards but
no i think they're very i think they're
very much against any
kind of supernatural thing you know that
necromancy
consulting with like fortune tellers i
think they're hardcore on that
okay no magic allowed yeah yeah this is
what this is why when they play charades
they're not allowed to do any of the
harry potter movies
uh yeah that's terrible yeah yeah
because there were a lot of good harry
potter movies
think about that though it's one way to
kind of sell yourself out a little bit
when you do charades and nobody guesses
it and it's
oh my goodness people it was harry
potter and the goblet of fire oops
uh idea number three this one might be
pushing it
um because i don't know how familiar
they are with the blockchain
and stuff uh cryptocoin right okay
it's um cryptocurrency just for the
amish and i'm gonna call it
the uh amish mennonite coin or amc
for sure and uh we won't get any
problems from
american movie classes like doing that
well they won't know
yeah yeah and they can use it to buy
like wooden
stuff you know wood and wood and well
the stuff that make horseshoes out of
yeah
yeah wooden metal yeah and that's pretty
much all they're buying maybe
you know some corn i guess and that's
pretty much it
yeah so crypto coin i think that's the
thing we we
could control that whole cryptocurrency
market
for the army but you see it doesn't even
need to be electronic i figured if we
just get some card
and just like maybe print out before we
go there we can print out the coins and
just hand them out
but what if we use chuck e cheese tokens
yeah we could do that
yeah just tell them it's we'll just
write amc on the back of each of them so
they know it's
not really a mouse who's going to give
you
access to games
all we need is a chuck e cheese employee
and a sharpie and we could get like a
box of chuck e cheese tokens
and write amc all over these tokens and
say this is your new currency
done yeah i mean finally we're figuring
out a way to make some money off
yeah last idea i had right okay it's an
online clothing store
now again presumes they have access to
the interwebs but
or some of the communities in the new
order
actually have uh smartphones where they
can have access to the internet but
anyway
obviously it's going to accept amc as
one of the forms of currency
has to after because we've got to
increase the value of the uh
coin because we're going to short the
heck out of that so yeah launches
yeah sell it all and just like gamestop
stock
on reddit yeah absolutely we're going to
corner the market on that
because we're going to benefit from this
yeah so i figured like
to save the women some time in the amish
communities
um we get those kind of funny outfits
that way kind of outsource them to china
so we get them real cheap right and we
sell them on this online clothing
store and i figured like i don't know
lumber handling gloves
reusable cloth diapers that type of
stuff
and have it on an online clothing store
for the bush okay
so i like where you're going with this
but what if
we take it one step further and we get
somebody like
a kylie jenner to wear
amish outfits you know because she's
always in like some skimpy bikini or
whatever
in in people blindly follow her and want
to buy
whatever she has so if we get all these
cheap clothes
right and then we just get kylie jenner
to wear an
amish dress one day we could be
billionaires
yeah just selling this they're not going
to recognize it it's just going to look
like a [ __ ] in a dress
okay and that's how most clothes are
sold right now
so once again you didn't shoot any holes
in my theory
so if you've got any more ideas for
entrepreneurship
which can you re actually before you
answer that
okay to give to kind of remind me to
talk about this i did write down
entrepreneurial
it did i spell that correctly or is
there like six more letters in there
than there should be
no i i i think you left out like 12
letters
and added eight letters yeah to that but
uh
at least you know with the notes and i
was filling it out and it had like eight
syllables when i was spelling it out
you know in in one of these days you
know we're we're working on actually
getting cameras in our
studio and everything so y'all can see
what we actually do while we're
recording but uh this is one of those
moments where we're probably glad we
don't have cameras going on right now
when uh if somebody was to look at your
spelling of
entry
reality
with spelling yeah uh it's probably a
good thing that we
actually didn't have the cameras going
bit shot the amish don't play scrabble
actually scrabble
would be a good one although they're
probably the thing is though
they probably only know like they
wouldn't even have to use most of the
alphabet because as long as you've got
enough to spell like horse
right and stuff like that then or are
they gonna
play scrabble with the pennsylvania
dutch version of german that they talk
so it do you have to turn around and
you know put that in immediately yeah
well i think we
solved all of the problems that we
need to with the amish but uh
as far as what i would do
as far as what kind of
businesses i would run with the amish
gosh i mean that's such a
a tough topic to try and figure out but
honestly i think number one they have
the horse and buggy
right so they they have these buggies i
i would still try to figure out a way
kind of going back to the
bicycles with no pedals i would try to
figure out a way to create
the better buggy some kind of
a i don't know what you want to call it
some kind of feature
with the new versions of the buggy that
you have that would force people to go
ahead and trade in their old buggy and
get a new buggy
you see the same buggy and it's been the
same buggy
for ever i mean anytime you see
that buggy online in pictures or
whatever you're like oh yeah that's an
amish buggy
that that would be mine i i would be a
used buggy
salesman and try to figure out a way to
do that
and of course i mean you you got the
horses that have to pull those buggies
and so maybe if you buy one of these
used
buggies then maybe you get new
horses to be able to pull the buggies
whenever you trade your
used buggy in for a new buggy
just you know hiding the fact that you
you tell somebody hey this buggy gets
more gallops per
oat bag than the last buggy did
and just kind of fool them into
believing that this
is the reason why you need to come to
the shepherds used buggy
salesmen well i actually came up with
two more ways we could make money out of
the armish actually
number one horse racing they can bet
their amc
crypto currency that's a good point uh
obviously you and i would be the bookies
to
take a cut off the top yeah there's got
to be some percentage involved
where we take a little bit off the top
and my other one was um what episode was
it we were talking about the american
girl doll
thing it's a few episodes ago about i
can't remember the context
yeah it was so random i can't remember
what episode it could have been on
anything could have been star wars could
have been
right i do remember anything about this
yeah anyway
so i figured what about amish american
girl dolls because you see the great
thing about american girl dolls at the
moment
in terms of making money is that you can
customize them
but again we can have low quality ones
just purely made to exactly all the same
specifications so again we can just get
made in
mass made in china and we can sell the
equivalent of american girl dolls
there'll be pennsylvanian dutch dolls
to the amish children but couldn't we
have
the amish people make these dolls and
pay them
in our amc currency no they're going to
be more expensive than the chinese
remember they only earn like about
two dollars a full day i'm pretty sure
the armies are going to want
more money than that and that's because
if they're selling their furniture and
they actually build um
barns and houses for outsiders as well
not just within their community
so you've got to think they're getting
paid they've got to have some concept of
money yeah you know because you're going
to run out of trees they've got to buy
lumber from elsewhere
right you know so they've got some
concept of money so i don't think we can
pay them more
than we can pay the chinese for making
our pennsylvania in dutch
dolls right no no no true
so anyway that makes sense if anybody
does have any extra
um ideas send us an email at the wolf
from the shepherd at
gmail.com um we will pick out our
favorite ones and then forget to mention
them at a later date but we might
actually add them to the facebook page
on there uh
yeah yeah we would post this as we do
now i'll be honest with you
right 80 of what i learned about the
amish actually
comes from a tv show i watched uh called
amish haunting amish harmish taunting
yeah it ran on the travel channel back
in i think it was about
2013 2014.
so um i just wanted to quickly there was
only six episodes i only ran for one
season
um i just wanted to read you the titles
of the episodes
right there's only six episodes okay
okay six episodes six episodes right
and i want you to give me a quick one or
two sentence
thing of what you think each show was
about so remember this was hauntings in
the amish community right
episode number one every episode has a
title and then like hyphenate and then
maybe a little bit more description of
what's going on all right so are you
only giving me the title or are you
giving no i'm giving you the full thing
okay because actually the second part of
it
sometimes kind of uh makes it even
harder to work out what's going on
so episode number one was named faceless
doll
the witch's grave i seem to remember
something about the amish in them having
dolls that
have no face that's probably the ones we
sold to them which were made in china
ah yeah well it's cheaper that yeah
so draw your own face yeah so so the
faceless doll and what was the second
part
the witch's grave remember this is
connected this same episode i don't
think it was like two different things
in one episode
well you lost me on that one i i don't
know how you take the faceless doll and
the witch's grave and tie those together
well actually now thinking about it i'm
wondering if each of these episodes was
two separate stories
oh well and and of course once again
i can't remember this was like seven
years ago oh yeah this is
crack research yeah so anyway so well
either of those ones then
faceless doll or the witch's grave which
ones do you want to
run with giving us an idea i i would
rather watch the witch's grave then the
face will start
probably thinking now that's gravel
which was buried yeah yeah
easy number two crybaby bridge
and the witch's tree now i don't think
this is the same witch which was an
episode yeah
i'm wondering is there a theme running
where it's like oh it's a witch yeah
it's a witch yes
christ is the same as a duck yeah i feel
like a monty python sketches so
crybaby bridge and what may have been
another episode within the same episode
the witch's tree which one of those do
you want to kind of guess what they're
about
can't be a tree belong to a witch that's
too basic yeah i mean crybaby bridge is
probably somebody that
wanted to walk across a bridge and
started crying about it because their
doll didn't have a face and they were
thinking about
uh they just left the grave of this
witch and now all of a sudden there's
the tree
right all right so episode number three
possessed boy
and buried in black yeah but aren't you
typical for yourself explanatory but you
have to remember this is the amish
community buried in black i don't know
are all people buried in black i i
thought you were supposed to
be buried in well and i'm thinking of
men right now
you know buried in a dark suit uh if
that's
you know which way you want to go uh but
uh
possessed boy yeah he's probably
possessed yeah well he's probably all
wound up because of the faceless doll
and crying about going over the bridge
well episode number four
this one kind of takes a little bit
further possessed barn
and the dark art okay so now you have
the boy who's possessed now he goes to
the barn
and now the barn becomes possessed and
so good for the boy
he gets rid of his possession so
good for him and the dark art part it
has to
be with the buried in black and now all
of a sudden we're gonna put pictures up
in the barn
about uh people being buried in black
now um
by the time it got to episode five the
titles got a little bit more ridiculous
oh
okay episode number five sinner's death
electric lies
electric lies yeah okay that that's uh
reliant does not save you as much as txu
in energy costs and free nights and
weekends
given the rate of per whatever yes i i
don't think it's about that
i think it's about something else
electric lies might be related to
lightning
well it could be related to the fact
that if you have electricity you
live a life of lies because that's uh
the possessed void and the possessed
barn
made you have electricity and so you
have this magic
that you have light in your house that
is
not naturally produced right well i'm
interested how are you going to
tie in the last episode even though none
of these episodes were continuing
had any continuity to them episode
number six
entitled goat baby evil
taxi wow okay so uh
goat baby is probably the possessed boy
walking across the uh the bridge
and evil taxi kind of sounds like
uh that reality show about
when you get in the taxi and you have to
answer all the questions and win money
and if you get into a taxi then that's
evil
but i wonder if there's some amish
people that maybe not everybody has a
buggy
and so there's like amish uber and so
they're
taking people around in amish uber and
dropping them off places
it kind of makes you wonder why this
show didn't run to season two to be
honest
yeah uh it it it sounds a lot like
keeping up with the kardashians
uh i think they had the same production
staff but they
got a little bored with the amish so um
you know before we end
today if there's any amish you want to
complain about today's episode because i
realized we did say a few things which
might have come across as a little bit
ignorant maybe a little bit
um but if they want to complain um if
they want
if they want to record a video maybe
complaining on their smartphone and
upload it to our facebook page well no
we will watch it
right but but let's back up they need to
go ahead and record a video on their
iphone
upload it to their youtube channel yeah
and send us a link maybe post the link
on our facebook page yeah
post the link on our facebook page and
send us an
email with the link at the same time so
we can verify that
yeah then we'll go ahead and watch it
and we'll go ahead and set up a zoom
call with them yeah so we can talk about
it before we come back
on the podcast and talk about it i'm
going to be very specific about i do
want
them to have some biometric stuff
because they all look the
same with the same length hair cutting
beards and wearing the hats
i don't want to be fooled by one person
sending in multiple complaints so we're
going to need some biometric data
yeah we're definitely going to need some
way to verify
their identity yeah uh maybe
a face id on their iphone yeah and
send us that data so we know that
it's actually the person that we're
talking to so
well with all that said uh thank you to
all of our friends in the amish
community
who have listened to this podcast and we
hope we accurately
depicted your community and once again
i mean please reach out to us and
we know we're trying to provide podcasts
this year
to different sects of the community just
like we did with vampires
uh we we would love for any amish to
reach out to us who are listening to
this podcast right now
and talk to you and we'll catch you on
the next one