Episode 58 - English Dating

welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we're going to

tackle the controversial subject of

english

dating it's not very controversial in

england oh

well it is over here well english dating

is controversial in america because they

have a

entirely different approach not in that

they don't want the same

end result but some of their methods are

a little bit different in

dating that just seems so bizarre to me

that it would be

different over there dating i mean

wouldn't we have got

our uh what do you want to call them

traditions of dating

from everybody coming over from europe

no

so what do you consider dating in

america how do you know you're dating in

america

i think nowadays you have to fill out a

form well consent form yeah yes

no but what used to be the traditional

when you're at high school

what how did you know you were dating

someone the way that i always looked at

it was there was

member of the opposite sex that i said

hey you want to

go somewhere and do something and that

was pretty much it i

guess i had a fairly loose definition of

it yeah i think my definition when i was

at school was any girl who would

actually talk to me going out with her

then

oh and that's the thing in england they

call it going out with they don't call

it day in

yeah well like you say back in the whole

high school days whatever it was always

will you go with me right and kind of

kind of that same

thing and then once the girl said yes i

will go with you

oh now we're boyfriend and girlfriend

okay yeah that was pretty much it

because then in england it's not

official you might have gone on like

900 dates as such but you're not

officially dating until one person asks

the other one

will you go out with me and if you say

yes then you're now officially dating

now you can actually do that with no

dates

haven't occurred whatsoever so some

random girl comes up to you and says

will you go out with me and you say yes

you're now officially boyfriend

girlfriend

yes and that was the way that it worked

early on

in my middle school high school days i

think i actually had a girlfriend

way back in middle school and i said

will you go with me and she said yes and

then we didn't speak for a week and then

one of her friends said well

she wants to break up with you and i

said okay so

we dated for a week but never actually

spoke after

i asked her to go with me and then she

broke up with me that is tragically

similar to my first

dating experience there was this girl

she was the most beautiful girl in

school

her name was alison locke real cute

blonde girl

and she asked me on a field trip will

you go out with me and i said yes and

then

for whatever reason for the next four

days at school i completely blanked her

didn't

didn't speak to her and then one of her

friends said oh alison's dumped you so

that was my first dating experience

like i said very similar i i don't know

how i remember this

but i remember the friend who told

the friend of the girl right that told

me that she wanted to break up

didn't actually even tell me in like

words

she was writing on the chalkboard and

wrote on the chalkboard that her friend

wanted to break up with me

and got my attention so i could see the

message written on the chalkboard

and i nodded my head yes and then she

arrested the message

so there you go now i know you were

dating your wife long before text

messaging was a thing and

email and stuff but that's true you know

i

broke up with a lot of girls via text

as kind of you know just not not meanly

just i'd make up excuses and just send a

text and then block the number and never

talk to them again

don't they call that ghosting now yeah

well yeah if you ignore

all their communications yeah i came up

with i don't know how long that word

ghosting has been in effect but yeah i

did my fair share of that because

remember there was a period when i went

i think we mentioned on some of the

earlier podcasts there was a

time when i went on quite a few like

dating apps because they were never

what you know they said they were in the

app either by

photo description or anything else sure

that after the first day

i didn't want to go on a second date and

so i just didn't contact them and if

they contacted me i either just ignored

it or just kind of made some lame excuse

i mean i can't tell you how many times

my grandmother who was already dead at

the time re-died

oh you you went to a lot of fake feet

she she died like 20 times

yeah hey but thanks for granny yeah

helping you out there yeah she still

kept voting democrat though

yeah yeah so from over there as well

yeah it makes it more shitty so um in

the early 2000s i used to hang around

how did we take a podcast about english

dating

and somehow make it political for five

cells because it's funny

oh well there used to be this forum

really popular forum called football 365

and that's english football soccer

super super popular forum right it was

uh

a bit like reddit except can well

a little bit of moderation in there and

there were multiple

threads on various things and i think um

one of the most popular ones ever was

this one on dating strangest dates

you've ever been on

and it went up to about 300 pages and

again like the

you know podcast we did on biology minus

101

i actually copied and pasted a lot of

these stories because i thought they

were really funny and then

again when i got bored last week i

actually found this text file

and started reading through them so i

figured i would bring up

some of these dates and these are all

from the football

3665 forum yeah people who went on

strange dates now

i don't go on that forum anymore because

it's gone a bit

woke and it's really heavily moderated

now so basically it's just x football

hooligans

talking about their feelings on downton

abbey but it still exists

oh it still exists yeah but now it's

just crab gadget yeah it's crap

i actually make no apologies whatsoever

for any misogynistic attitudes portrayed

or practiced

in these stories but i just thought they

were funny and there's only about eight

women who listened to this podcast

including my girlfriend so i thought i'd

just run with it anyway yeah there you

go yeah but but better safe than sorry i

mean it's probably good that we did a

little disclaimer there

when have we ever been better safe than

sorry we're normally kind of a mix of 50

50 and then we just kind of edge our

bets and then we were oh we didn't mean

any offense

that's true yeah i guess it's only when

we remember to do it which is

very rarely yeah we kind of apologize

after the event yeah well actually

well what's the old saying better to ask

for forgiveness than permission

i think we basically do everything that

way yeah

so the first one i think kind of sets

the scene as to what to expect

now this story does actually raise far

more questions than it answers actually

it doesn't answer any of the questions

you might have but

this was one of the best ones so i

figured i'd start with this one and i'm

actually reading this verbatim from the

story from the forum

it says on a first date i knocked on a

door and a dad answered it in a

wheelchair

i knew then i was in for a rough night

we went to her room later that night and

she showed me a baby teeth that she kept

in a pot by the bed

now do you want to add any comments

there before i finish the rest of that

story

well i just want any questions well i

just want to make sure this isn't a

typical english pastime what keeping

your baby your teeth

in a pot by the bed i have not come

across it okay

i just want to make sure because maybe

that was something that was just normal

and you

added that in there to explain to

everybody you know she was normal she

kept her baby teeth next to her in the

bed just like every other

english girl does over there so well i

didn't have that many girlfriends so i

wasn't i'm not the best

person to ask really oh so maybe that is

normal maybe it's a one in five thing

yeah but maybe the girls that you dated

over there didn't keep their baby teeth

next to their bed and that's why

you didn't have such good luck with it i

just i just kind of destroyed your whole

dating life over there now didn't i no

it was already crap

so he continues on well not one to

discriminate i had sex with her and

stayed the night

next morning she came into the bedroom

with a bacon sandwich for herself and

nothing for me

she ate it on the bed leaving crumbs

everywhere then she said can you drop me

a dance class

i said okay and she said i'll just

freshen up pulled a razor from a shelf

sat on the bed and dry shaved her

armpits so once again i'm gonna have to

ask

that that's not normal not that i know

of that's

okay you know yeah that uh that would

make me kind of scratch my head probably

do the uh

break up via text you know drop her off

at dance class and as she's walking in

she gets a text message saying uh

yeah i don't want to see you again and

then do the whole uh block the number

thing

unless you're into that which if you're

into that type stuff hey

that's okay wait they're we're not

judging here so

uh there there's some there's probably

some guy out there that's extremely

happy

with her right he's like turned on by

the sound of some girl

dry shaving her armpits can you imagine

that sound well

whatever floats your boat so story

number two this guy writes

started chatting to a girl sitting

outside a nightclub after it closed

which actually in england i just want to

interject here this was a common way of

approaching girls because

really yeah because during the night

you'd kind of figure well i'll wait till

she's had a few drinks right

and then it gets late on in the night

and then you kind of forget all about it

or you've got like three or four girls

you want to kind of target

and so you wait to the end of the night

you try and get out early wait for them

to come out and then try and talk to

them and that's where

there were actually i think more i don't

want to say relationships

acquaintances um achieved

after the nightclub had closed then

actually during the time the nightclub

was actually

going because you'd wait outside for

them i know that sounds a bit rapey but

you know that's when actually you'd talk

to them you wouldn't talk to them in the

club that was stupid because they might

want you to buy them a drink

well not only that but i'm also guessing

maybe it was kind of loud in there and

you couldn't hear no that wasn't that i

think they just didn't want to buy a

drink well

you know more power to them there yeah

thrifty

yes yes hey there is nothing wrong with

being thrifty

yeah so anyway this guy start chatting

to a girl sitting outside

nightclub after it closed he continues

she started going on about her boyfriend

who died in a car crash about six months

previous

then she started crying i said i was

quickly going to the chip shop and i'd

be back immediately i got around the

corner got into a taxi and went home

that's not really a dating story but but

it does kind of go to show you

some of the things that can happen along

outside that nightclub hey

just think about it this way though if

that guy would have bought that drink

while he was in there maybe he could

have found out early not wasted his time

well

no no i i think he maybe wouldn't have

had enough money

for the cab fare so it was buy this girl

a drink

or get cab fare home so he decided i'm

going to save my money for the cab fare

and make sure i get home okay well i

think if you're going out

you know this isn't in the go if you go

out you kind of try and necessarily make

sure you have more than six pounds

50 on you but so you can afford a drink

and a taxi sure but

okay so let's say drink in a taxi right

but what if you buy her a drink and then

all of a sudden everything's going well

you finish that drink and you want to

have another drink now you've spent your

cab fare now you got to walk home

the worst thing would be if like you

start chatting to a girl and she turns

out

to be a complete alcoholic so it costs

you like about 400 dollars in drinks and

she's still completely sober

so that guy was smart yeah well he did

the right thing well i mean that story

does actually make me a little bit sad

it kind of touched my heartstrings not

because of the girl left alone or a dead

boyfriend

it's just because i don't have a local

chip shop to go to anymore i don't even

know what a chip shop is well

like fries you know thick oh that's

right yeah they cover them in vinegar

yeah salt and vinegar over them and

sometimes fish and chip shop you know

some cord in

batter and some thick cut fries

long john silvers yeah but not close i

can't walk to it well i could walk to it

not in today's weather i couldn't but

well

but if you plan ahead you can have cab

fare to get you back and forth

from long john silver's yeah but the

problem is with long john silva so i

think we actually

mentioned in an earlier podcast and

asked them to sponsor us but we didn't

get any

reaction from them so i'm going to poo

on them a little bit here

actually if you go to walmart and buy

thick cut fries

and the actual battered cod you know the

frozen stuff and do that in the oven and

put some malt vinegar on it it tastes

better than long john silver's

fish and chips anyway i could see that

yeah so forget you long john silva's we

don't need your sponsorship

unless of course you do want to sponsor

us and you didn't hear our original

shout out on the previous podcast we can

just edit this immediately so

so day in episode number three got

friendly with a girl i met in a park in

dublin

which is in an island which is in

ireland for those geographically

challenged well

home of the otherwise known as americans

there we go yeah

yeah true he said started kissing things

got heated i went to touch her boob

and she pulled a knife on me are you

sure that isn't an american story

no because that sounds like something

that would happen in america before

it happened in the uk well you know that

probably happens like daily in florida

well sure went to touch a boob and she

pulled a knife on me and then there was

no other explanation from it

well do you really need any more

explanation than that i mean that's uh

pretty much an end to that relationship

saying oh you pulled a knife on me

because i tried to touch you

i think i'm going to go ahead and block

that number that's where i think the

consent forms would have come in useful

don't you think like you can we can kiss

you know and you can pat my back and run

your fingers through my air and kind of

like could you create an

app that has like a concealer

electronically sign it and exchange it

right there and then see if there's a

snapshot so you do it like airdrop

right you better drop this deal and say

hey

you know you're allowed to do the

following things and you check those off

and

airdrop it to the person they have a

record of that and

it could be kind of a live file almost

like those google sheets

you know that you can go in and you can

update the numbers on the spreadsheet

back and forth

so it's like oh okay well i like him a

little more and now you can do

this this and this oh so you have to

keep stopping to update it yes

absolutely yeah that way or the more you

drink at the end of the the

last consent form is just i'm up for

anything there should be in all of the

above yeah

that that way you know everything can go

quicker of course

but you could parse it out yeah consider

benefit

from the you can touch my bum but don't

touch my boob otherwise i'll stab you in

the face well you could have one of

those

what do they call it like a little pivot

table where it's like touching then you

can

expand that list out and say here's the

following things you can touch

yeah and you know you can use one hand

or two hands i mean you can make it as

complex or as simple as possible

so story number four this is a good one

this guy writes got intimate with a girl

from topstith

now if you don't know where topstiff is

which i'm sure you don't it's in

liverpool in england

yeah yeah topstiff is the equivalent of

like

south central in la i mean it's like

drugs gangs and although england has a

very strict

you know no gun policy there's gangs

with guns and stuff and toxic if you

want to get

beaten up robbed raped murdered then

probably raped again

and then they search you again in case

they missed anything to steal from you

the first time round

topstiff is the place to go oh okay is

that where jack the ripper was from

no he's in london mate well and that's

the same thing no

oh so anyway he got intimate we all know

what that means

he touched a bum but maybe not a boob

yet with a girl from topstiff and stayed

at her place for the night

wonderful body pleasant face which

pleasant face yeah that's an english

degree she's got pleasant face it's um

there used to be this

thing uh body from baywatch face from

crime watch

crime watch used to be the show where

all the uh police stations around the

country if they were looking for

suspects

they'd put up all these you know like

photos or like drawings

right of these you know um people who

they were looking for

but a lot of them were like pretty ugly

so that's why they say you know body

from baywatch

face from crime watch i got you there

was a guy that i went to high school

with that had a

fairly decent music career and he played

mostly kind of country style music

and he he could play and sing anything

he's really talented his name is cody

robbins

and he wrote a song called butterface

right because that's what we always use

yeah everything is great

butterface and he actually wrote a song

called butterface

right and so i'm sure it's somewhere out

on youtube or

maybe even spotify something like that

so hey if you if you got a minute check

out cody robin's song

butterface it's an old song it was he

wrote that song

quite a long time ago but it's a good

song so check it out and another good

saying actually from england do you know

what a burglar is yeah like a robber

somebody breaks things

yeah yeah and typically burglars you

know if they did

own a pet specifically being a dog it

would be like you know pit bull or

something like a you know vicious

looking dog

if you had to think that person is a

burglar i want to wonder what type of

dog they own it's probably one of those

you know

fighting dogs or something so another

saying in england was she's got a face

like a burglar's dog that's amazing

dogs though wouldn't it i mean couldn't

that be border on

animal abuse no of course is there pita

over there do they have that pepper pta

people eating tasty animals um no we

have the um

royal society for the prevention of

cruelty to animals the rspca

ah yeah it's kind of along the same

lines

is the aspca over here maybe yeah

so somebody ripped off somebody else oh

yeah i mean it's the same thing you know

you make a donation the people who own

the

organization take 99 of it and they send

one p to the local shelf uh

dog food yeah or do they have sarah

mclaughlin singing

songs in there oh yeah it comes on at

like 1 25 in the morning it makes you

all sad it's like

now i hate that song because you show

all these sad animals and you play that

song

in the eyes of an angel you're like

i'm still not going to send you any

money but now you're making me just

depressed then

then you look over at your dog and

here's what i do when that commercial

comes on i go over and i pick my dog up

and i make him watch that commercial

see how lucky you are exactly see how

lucky you are

see the kind of life you live versus

those poor dogs on there and they can't

even get 50 cents a day

yeah i think disney junior kind of

missed a trick there with that whole

thing because

you know you think of mickey mouse's

clubhouse when they when those um

pound commercials come on they should

have the hot dog

dog diggity duck

they should have that instead of that

depressing music because then all the

kids who grew up listening to that

they'd look up from their phones and be

like oh i know this song and then they'd

like

instantly get engrossed in the

commercial and be more likely to donate

that's the cash app but i think once

there's a sad commercial you

automatically turn off they need to get

you in a little bit

before they throw the brutal truth at

you well not only that but think about

the fact that they're probably

also either near their parents phone or

they're probably playing on their

parents phone while they're watching

this

and then they all of a sudden text you

know

donate to one two three four five and

ten bucks comes off of

the parents phone bill and they're like

oh i don't remember donating to that but

maybe i did

yeah you know text 25 cents to this

doggy probably maimed its last 10 owners

and feel better about yourself exactly i

mean we're here to help charities out

so anyway this guy gets intimate with

girl from tucson

stayed at her place for the night

wonderful body pleasant face we've gone

over that

but really really wonky eyes so

basically

a poster child for sunglasses well

sit on the front like those big

sunglasses yeah like the jacket yeah

yeah yeah

well sit on the front porch and count

the chickens in the backyard is i think

one of the first

terms i heard in texas for you know

wonky eye

not kind but you know is what it is it

could be i mean

if it's factual it's factual yeah so in

the morning i made an excuse

and i was going to the corner shop but

immediately got in the car and drove

home

turns out she was a taekwondo champion

nationally

and knew a friend of mine she turned up

at his house while i was there and

started assaulting him while i hid under

a table until she

left wow i mean you know you have to

take one for the team sometimes if

you're the mate answering the door and

like just get beaten up because

he just got beaten up but she'd have

probably killed him so he did the right

thing hiding under the table i'd hope

that you'd do the same thing for me if

you're in that situation

probably get a few broken ribs broken

nose you know no

no i probably wouldn't probably never

walk straight again but at least you

saved my life and i'd be eternally

grateful well

for a few weeks or so yeah i guess

that's the good thing with social media

he could have looked her up on social

media and figured out that she was a

taekwondo champion

all of these stories were before i know

social media

but that's my point now you've got that

so he could

fact fact-checked her so to speak and

found out a little bit about her

it's a i mean that would have been a red

flag let's be honest yeah here's a story

actually which reminds me of a girl

i dated a few times from match.com

story goes dated a 17 year old girl who

was a rampant alcoholic whose favorite

pastime while i was with her

was playing card games with her

invisible dead grandparents

while giggling continually so what kind

of card games do you play with

invisible people i mean was she playing

solitaire but well no it's got to be

something where you can not once

for yes not twice for now it can't be

like complicated it can't be like poker

or something

go fish because you know your um poker

face

when you when you're invisible is

probably pretty useless if they're

invisible

how did she not know that they're

getting up and looking over her shoulder

and seeing what's in her hand

yeah that's true that's probably why she

was giggling all the time yeah

so from that she probably lost yeah

those games

yeah as she was an alcoholics well she

probably didn't know hopefully she

didn't

bet money on it that'd be terrible

betting money were dead grandparents

getting screwed over because they can't

count all that stuff

not only that but the whole time she was

written out of the will anyway so

everything that she loses goes to her

brother that's kind of the

anti kind of definition of inheritance

you suddenly having to give money to

like

relatives who are dead while you're

alive sounds kind of like taxes

yeah my story along these lines when i

was on a

match.com there was this lawyer who i

went on a couple of dates with and she

was

really pretty which is why even after

this incident i think i still went on

one other day

until something happened which i had not

previously noticed before which makes me

sound pretty shallow but i'll be honest

with you i'm pretty shallow so we were

at dinner this was the second date and

we're sitting there

waiting for the starter and she says do

you believe in ghosts

and i paused for a moment because i

didn't know whether it was a serious

question and i said

well you know i kind of believe you know

in the bible and stuff so obviously i

you know believe in a spiritual realm

and so yeah i believe they're ghosts

they're entities

you know i don't understand all the

different dimensions and what all these

ghosts are etcetera but yeah i believe

in them

and she said well i see them all the

time and again i kind of looked at her

to see if she was going to crack a smile

which she didn't

she goes yeah and my son she had a

two-year-old son and she said yeah my

son sees them you know i'll sit on the

bed and just point and

laugh and try and get my attention to

you know the ghosts he sees and i'll

look and sure enough there's a ghost

there so that was that so i thought all

right fair enough but like i said she

was quite pretty so i still went ahead

and went on a third date to her

with her to the movie theater now this

was where i noticed something i had not

previously noticed hopefully you didn't

take her to see the sixth sense

no okay well should have given it away

immediately yeah we were sitting there

in the movie theater

and i turned around to glance at her and

this is the first time i'd ever seen her

from the side

and she had a nose like the great gonzo

from the muppets

ah it but it's one of those you know

crafty noses because from the front

you honestly couldn't tell but i saw

from the side and like i said

it was ridiculous i mean it looked like

a toucan could it have been one of those

lighting things

no because i double or i double and

triple checked

okay but it's the worst part of the

story oh

how can this get worse but all right

here it comes well

about halfway through the movie i said i

was going to the bathroom

and i just left and didn't come back and

then i blocked all the actual

numbers i think that's honestly the best

part

not the worst yeah so you know yeah i

feel i say i feel a little bit about it

i don't

so so ironically you ghosted

i go i ghosted yeah the ghost [ __ ] yeah

so do you think she

still sees you like maybe you're a ghost

around her i don't know but anyway story

number six

had a friend in a band who pulled an

absolute swamp donkey which is again

another english phrase for

like an unattractive lady yes yeah nice

personality

did you ever use the term homely in

england no

okay no i i learned that term from my

father

and i had never heard it and my dad had

told me

one time that he was very proud of me

for

befriending a homely girl and

i kind of looked at my dad and i said

well

dad i'm i'm confused what do you mean he

said well

um you're being friends with a homely

girl

and that's that's probably very good for

her that

she can talk to a guy that she probably

doesn't get to talk to many guys because

she's homely

and i said dad dad stop what do you mean

by homely

and my dad hesitated and he kind of

looked at me and he said well son

i'm trying to be nice but homely

is a nice way to say very

very very ugly and i said well why

didn't you just say

i'm proud of you for befriending an ugly

girl he said well i'm

i'm trying to be nice but just keep in

mind she's homely

and that was basically my dad's way of

saying don't take this any farther i

i don't want this to go any farther yeah

i don't want i don't want my

grandchildren to look like that

yes exactly so it was shortly there

after that

well actually your dad was kind of a

little bit of a plato in terms of like

relationship advice and the others that

sex

i mean i know we're running out of time

because for those of our listeners who

don't know here in texas we've been

having a lot of power cuts and we're on

a rolling blackout

at the moment so we've got to get this

over in like 10 minutes if it sounds

rushed at the end it's because we're

rushing it

but anyway the shepherd's dad was once

driving with him in a car

listening to the radio the shepherd was

sitting in the passenger seat

and his dad turned down the radio

station so max i've got something very

very important to tell you and of course

he thought oh my goodness this must be

serious

and his dad said all women are nuts

then proceeded to turn the radio back up

because that's pretty accurate

what happened that is the most accurate

portrayal of that story yeah i heard

without myself

yeah telling that story yeah yes so your

dad is

yeah he's a go-to in terms of like

relationship advice and women and stuff

he cuts to the chase there's no pc

language involved in that

so anyway this guy had a friend in a

band who pulled an absolute swamp donkey

while he was drunk

so in the morning he catches a glimpse

of her in the light and

freaks out so he grabs all of his

clothes and sneaks out the house and

runs around the corner

after a few minutes he kind of sobers up

and realizes it was his own house i just

left with no keys

that's kind of fuel yeah and uh he later

described her

as one of those girls who if she was

sleeping on your arm you'd rather chew

your own arm off

and risk waking her up what was that i

want to say it was

a commercial but it could have been just

like a joke youtube video or something

where the guy wakes up right and he

looks over at the

woman that he's in bed with and he's

like oh man you know

and kind of sneaks out of the bedroom

slips his clothes on he's walking down

the stairs and then he looks

and hanging on the wall is like a family

picture and he realizes it was his wife

i can't remember that one so here we go

this is actually i said the first story

was actually the best one i think this

one might actually be the best one i'm

going to read this one verbatim

before you get a chance to interject on

this because

it takes a little bit of a while to

digest to be honest okay so here we are

was with a friend at a club and had a

competition in the urinals

to see who could pee the highest he

comes out of the restroom yelling

yeah i hit the ceiling this girl close

by

grabs him and says come show me and

drags them into the girl's toilets

she tells him to close his eyes and he

stands there for two minutes

he opens his eyes and she's standing

there and she's taking off her tights

pooped in them and proceeded to beat him

with them about the head and the body

he came running out of the toilets

covered in poop

begging us to take him home so we rushed

him outside

ran around the corner and made him catch

taxi so what are your thoughts on that

one that's quite a bit to digest

there so yeah let's uh let's kind of go

through this one step at a time because

first of all props to the guy for

hitting the ceiling i mean

i don't believe him well yeah but you

kind of

with all that guy had to go through

let's give him the benefit of the doubt

let's

let's say he accomplished this

monumental task so

this chick decides well come show me

right totally get that but doesn't she

realize

that he just did that he's got to go

back to the bar

or wherever he's at right and get some

more liquid in him so we can have some

more ammunition so to speak so what

exactly

was she expecting by him showing her

while at the same time why did the guy

decide well yeah let me go ahead and go

in there and do that knowing full well

he wasn't going to be able to perform

well a lot of the error in this story

occurs

in the opening parts here because

perhaps if he hadn't boasted that he

could pee and

reach the ceiling that this girl would

never have grabbed him maybe she would

have but also

well now hang on because wouldn't you

go out and boast if you were able to do

that i mean i know i would

i don't know actually but again he's dug

his own gravy a little bit

because also a girl who grabs you and

says come show me

and he knows full well he can't show her

he's already again made another kind of

schoolboy

error there so what you're doing now

is blame shifting i am shifting the

blame on to him for this because

as much as a mentalist she seems i think

he kind of set himself up for this

sequence of events you know what i hate

to say this but i think i'm going to

agree with you on this yeah

i think i'm i'm shifting the blame over

to him as well

now close your eyes for two minutes i

mean

no peeking no nothing like he he didn't

say you know gee i wonder what's going

on he

literally let this happen it it took her

two minutes to

um well she was obviously softly

squeezing it out because otherwise i've

hit her heard like

well okay then you know good point it

might have given the game away so she

was probably kind of do one of those

soft squeeze things you know

now i'm gonna have to blame shift back

to her because couldn't she have

gone ahead and got this part ready i

don't know she's a bit of a genius to be

honest

yeah she planned it well she did maybe

it was an off-the-cuff

thing but she did a good job of it then

you kind of wonder

how many times did she hit him

with her tights before he said stop

well how long did it take him to realize

there was poop in the tights

i guess depending on the material of the

tights maybe it took

a few swings to kind of start bleeding

through so to speak

but if there were fishnets that had been

over pretty quickly that's a good point

that would have been

that would have been a little on the

messy side so let's be honest but

maybe they deserve each other i hope you

know it doesn't give anything add

anything there's no update on this story

but i hope one day

later they kind of met in a mcdonald's

or something and formed a loving

relationship will be

an unpredictable one well not only that

but let's say that they did

right in and maybe these two are made

for each other

and it was one of those serendipitous

moments right that they finally

eventually cross paths again

don't you think that dude is probably

looking in the laundry basket and saying

hang on a second i think i remember

those tights for some reason

i don't know the shelf life of tights

don't you have to throw them away like

after a few wears

i don't know i don't know i don't have

the those ones i should expect

would have had a shorter shelf life than

normal tights well now

hang on let's make sure we're talking

about the same thing so are you talking

about like

pantyhose yeah when you could say yeah

yeah

yeah okay it so i'm thinking more like

yoga pants

no like well what what else do they call

them

uh leggings that's that's good so you're

not talking about that

pantyhose yeah that that's a little bit

different

because they're apparently pretty easy

to rip anyway so imagine if you're

swinging a whole bunch of poopy around

and hitting somebody with it

you'd have thought that kind of like

burst open unless you

bought the expensive ones maybe they

were like victoria's secret ones or

something but then you think well bit of

a waste of money in it

then there's yet another problem in line

with that one so that's it basically

that's english dating in a nutshell

like i said it's not exactly the same as

american dating on

some levels some different language

involves some different approaches

trying to woo the ladies well i think

this can serve

as something especially let's say you're

listening to the podcast on the airplane

ride over to england you're thinking

about picking up chicks so

i i think that you now know what you're

facing

right with what's going on with us with

all that said thanks for tuning in to

this episode of the wolf in the shepherd

and we will catch you on the next one