In Other News - April 9, 2021

welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we're gonna do

another one of our in other news

segments

and with us today we have from

on an island with pat beeman pat beeman

pat

it's great that you're here with us

again today oh max tristan i'm just

it's the highlight of my week how was

the uh island over easter mate is that

good

easter island very good yes yeah

bunnies eggs yeah pretty typical well i

didn't know if it was one of those

robinson crusoe

sized islands so there wasn't much fun

in a easter egg hunt because it was only

like by about 10 by

12 feet or something yeah you know that

would kind of circle yeah

especially well given it's just him

because he's having to hide his own eggs

as well so

if i close my eyes when i hide it makes

it harder to find yeah

all right so let's go to the first news

story

well once again i found the articles

which true journalists are too scared to

touch because they're relying upon a

paycheck

of course thankfully we don't have a

paycheck based upon what we read out so

yes yeah so i've gone straight for the

throat here

you know i'm not a big fan of meghan

markle right who's that

um that's the one who married that

ginger prince from england

oh that's a uk thing yeah yeah anyway so

she married him and she was like a

d-rate actress at best if she

literally if she'd have written us an

email two weeks into us recording this

show

i would not have had her on i guess

that's how connor now that i'm thinking

about it i think i saw a picture of her

on the internet isn't she kind of

halfway pretty

she is she is decently pretty she's just

pat do you think she's pretty

sticky issues no she's really good

looking okay perfect

okay so two against one she's pretty

yeah remember he did say that about that

girl we spoke about in the last episode

who was growing with the beard i

i think i said she was better looking

she would be better looking

if she's shaved oh wow that's a good

point so anyway

i just want to kind of say that i know

this is an issue which

you know a lot of our listeners face but

meghan markle

she's furious a british friend who

mistakenly

sent her a whatsapp audio message

complaining she uses too many emojis

so this is like what's an emoji it you

know that kind of smiling pile of crap

the stuff you send me all the time and

the text messages and the guy unicorn

okay rainbow stuff yeah that's an emoji

that's an emoji yeah but they made a

movie about that

yeah did you watch that movie no

okay but yeah neither did i offended

meghan markle if

um you'd have sent it but now apparently

she's just um she's furious

that somebody said you use too many

emojis so if you

really want to know what it's like what

the tough life is like

being rich being married to a royal

getting upset at a friend

for so many years too many emojis is

apparently kind of the highlight of uh

i wonder if with the royal family if

they

have some kind of like handbook where

they say okay

you know you got married into the royal

family

you know it at least they're not trying

to marry within each other i think

that's the reason why most british

people have problems because of the

interbreeding but outside of that

intro enter yeah something like that

yeah something so outside

yeah or above well y'all invented the

language

we just speak it correctly over here so

is there some kind of handbook that

meghan markle should have actually read

to realize

she is not supposed to put so many

emojis

into her text messages i should probably

read you the quote on this because just

in case people think i'm making this

up because i hate meghan markle well and

we never make anything up

no we just miss source and misquote

a bit a bit a bit so saves my source

one of megan's british friends fell out

with her because megan was writing all

these

messages with loads of emojis the friend

dictated a whatsapp

voice note saying god megan is so

annoying with all of her emojis

she keeps sending me all these emojis

but then the friend sent the voice memo

to megan herself by

accident instead of sending it to a

mutual friend

see now i don't know if i believe this

story no i don't think i do

either kind of pissed on it really yeah

so what it what about pat

pass the smile test i'm really confused

about the whole thing

yeah megan i still hate you but i

actually gonna take side on that one

because i do not believe the sauce

yeah but you can't hate her too much

because she's pretty i can't

why because she's doesn't she get some

kind of a pass because she's pretty i

mean

isn't that the way hollywood and

popularity

and celebrity works that if you're

pretty then you get a pass

but you're forgetting i don't like

popular people or celebrities saying

that's not right

oh i think that's a good point so here's

one immediately it's not

funny by the headline one person is

killed and five are injured after mass

mass stabbing at vancouver library

where is the wolf going with this one

yeah yeah so this one's not funny

but it's actually an editorial

mistake in the um comment underneath

this it says

one person is dead and six people have

died

in a mass stabbing in vancouver so

sounds like typical

canadian reporting yeah you know how i

feel about the canadians

so one person is dead and six people

have died

yeah one a dead person has not died yet

i don't know it feels like one of those

tests i have to do to like access some

of those sites you know we have to like

click on either the icons or they give

you those math questions yeah that

recaptures yeah like if one person is

dead and six others have died how many

dead bodies are there right or that

trolley question

right you know they always have that

trolley question where it's like okay

you're at the switch track

and you know there's one of your family

members laying on this track but if you

switch the track you're gonna kill a

hundred people which one would you do

that on the dark web i've never seen

that

oh no you've seen that i've not seen

that

yeah you have but you haven't seen that

ultimate battle simulator yet either

i've not

no no no that article wasn't funny

except for the

poor grammatical effort of the

editorial staff is it bad if i find it a

little bit funny

we laugh at the person writing the

comment no i laugh at the fact that

they're canadian

well it's in vancouver vancouver it's

not french

canadian province it's still canada

isn't it in vancouver and canada

yep okay well then it's funny did you

say they were dead canadians oh

that's a good point maybe they were

americans from washington oh

no now i have to backtrack a little bit

you see this this is like all those

hundreds and

thousands of people who die all over the

world who

american media does not care about

now i feel bad now we might have to care

because they might be american

yeah now i feel bad yeah because i mean

like they could have been american or

indian

oh so we might have to care oh if it was

the indians we would be

very upset oh we've been sackcloth and

ashes yes

yeah we we don't want to see our indian

friends

coming to any harm especially being

stabbed

right yeah in canada double factor of

the

inconvenience being stabbed in canada

absolutely anyway amish community in

pennsylvania becomes

first in the united states to achieve

herd humanity

after reopening churches led to a 90 of

households being infected with the virus

last year

now being honest with you i don't know

where i was going with that it just had

a nice picture of like an amish

couple in a cart and another amish car

pool

pushed through and along a child and a

push chair so well i wonder

when did we let the amish community know

that coveted was a thing

well i think we told him on that podcast

we did about the amish oh that's when

they listened to the podcast

well that makes sense yeah where they

all kind of like went in droves to their

local best buy

kind of stood in there and like turned

on all the stereos and were listening to

our

podcasts right oh wait there's a panda

so but the amish community

yeah is safe now no just this one in

pennsylvania apparently

lancaster county well we know that might

be screwed we just don't know

well we know there's some random amish

community in texas right now

that did you research them and make sure

they're okay

we're supposed to be getting in touch

with them and going and live in there

for a weekend

and we're going to do that documentary a

day in the life of

the amish in texas it's going to be me

and you going down there and like

spending an entire weekend

no electricity no running water

no woman with makeup it's gonna be

awesome so kind of like texas

snowmageddon was

yeah but i feel like it's our

responsibility to take care of the texas

amish

well yeah where is because we're they're

only linked to the outside world

right because they listen to our podcast

yeah yeah

so pat you got any amish friends i'm

not aware of any amish people friends or

foes

all right so there's not any uh contact

you via text or anything

i don't think the how much text yeah

no i've seen some shows on tv and i

think we talked about this last time

i think there's some rogue out they get

they get hold of those cell phones they

go buy them from like kroger where the

prepaid

cards that's when they've overthrown

amishness and they've

they've shunned the amish community yeah

but then you get trapped down they have

like

amish bounty hunters who come and bring

it back that's scientology that's not

the knowledge that's true

i think that might be scientology yeah

it might be that's tom cruise and john

travolta

i'm pretty sure no i'm pretty sure also

it's uh the amish but

i know why i know why it's true because

i didn't actually bother watching that

documentary where a couple of them like

moved to new york or something

you know what's funny we're recording

this and i forgot to turn the bluetooth

off on my phone

and so my ringtone actually just came

through and it's the

cantina band from star wars so

i i i was hearing that i'm like what's

going on

we're still trying to figure out the

road caster i mean it it's a

complicated piece of machinery

apparently because

i forget to hit buttons on there yeah

some of these

ones you might just have to edit or

delete so pat what do you know about

little kim little kim i believe little

kim is a rapper

i think she's a woman and that's the

extent

well that's the little kim you know of

there is a little kim it was actually a

police canine

but there has been some pressure this is

in oregon

oregon police changed name of canine

little kim after activists say it's

offensive to use the black rapper's name

due to history of cops using dogs on

people of color

so now the dog's just called kim is the

dog

little or big i mean i picture a police

picture okay i was gonna say i picture a

police dog as being like a german

shepherd

i'm really glad they put a picture of

little kim next to it so you don't get

confused though look

which one's which um well the dog's got

more clothes on

yeah yeah you have two tongue apparently

yeah but do you have

two types of police dogs you've got the

german shepherds

they're the workhorses then you've got

the bloodhounds and they're the ones out

there

sniffing out everything yeah they're

just high 24 7.

they're not even sure like whether

they're working in an 11 day week

but i don't see a problem with that i

mean

if i was going to be a dog i'd want to

be a bloodhound dog

that's a police dog because like i'm

just gonna

go out here and i'm gonna sniff some

stuff up and try to find some stuff

look do you want to know the facts of

this case or not oh absolutely

so community leaders complained the name

for bend police dog i guess that's the

whatever in lancaster county police dog

was insensitive a local activist said

i don't want to see lil kim out there

biting people of color

well i don't think anybody wants to see

that but you know what else is in

bend oregon no the last blockbuster

is it yeah there's one blockbuster video

currently operating right now it's the

very last one

and it's in bend oregon so basically

it's the most

backwards town in the united states even

outside the amish

i'm pretty sure all the amish

blockbusters have already closed

well i'm surprised they knew about lil

kim then well

i'm sure the amish knew about little kim

and they got rid of that but apparently

that so i've got some news on harvey

weinstein

not normally a funny topic to be honest

but uh is it weinstein or weinstein i

don't think it matters at this point

i just want to make sure not to mess up

his name

all right yeah so one of his accusers

said she stabbed his genitals with her

broken nail

and made him bleed when he told her to

pretend i'm

zac efron and attacked her isn't that

just foreplay

well yeah but but couldn't

that get blamed on the nail technician

that

did a bad job on her nails well i mean

why you got a broken nail anyway i mean

she looks pretty well put together her

name is

haley grip grip with two p's

uh maybe we need to show pat a picture

of this

yeah uh so he thinks everybody's pretty

is that one on the left

harvey weinstein's one on the right

thanks for pointing that out yeah

uh again she's a passively attractive

young

lady yeah you're gonna kill it if you

ever get on match.com

which way do you swipe on match

on match it's not one of those it's not

one of those kind of trash can kind of

swipe

to be really good friends with me what

do you do like

click clicker accept button no you've

got to do that old stuff you know the um

talking to them thing no you've got to

like send them a message oh you actually

have to communicate with the women

before you actually yes

it's ridiculous but no that sounds like

a lot of work well it is because you've

got to pretend that you've read the

profile and not just looked at the

photos for one thing which

come on that's a lot of work let's be

honest

if you've got one photo and you've got

four other photos

if three of those photos are of

mountains

or your family pet you know that's the

only good photo of that person

in existence that has ever been there

right

what if there's a photo of enchiladas

well if she cooked them that might be a

plus but if it's just a case she likes

eating enchiladas that's

explains why all of her photos are from

the neck up oh

now that makes sense yeah so anyway do

you want to hear more about hayley grip

yes all right she claims a female

associate of

introduced them in a hotel room game

lost a lot of details there how she got

in that hotel room

anyway she briefly blacked out

after drinking half a glass of wine

i mean come on now i mean she was only

19 at the time but

that's past high school half blacking

out after drinking a half a glass of

wine

i think she's alluding to the fact that

there may have been some a substance

other than wine oh our friend rufus

oh that could be true so pat paler poo

was involved

maybe let's not go down that rabbit hole

but pat

when did you have your first alcoholic

beverage

wow uh well i grew up

in a in a catholic family and we were so

four years old

well we would have a family reunion

every year and

and these people made their own wine so

yes prob i don't say four but eleven or

twelve

probably is having wine at the sunday

dinner

okay so just at dinner but then you were

allowed to

actually have a little bit of glass of

wine and of course i mean

yeah last name beeman you're irish

so you're not italian i mean most

italians yeah they try to go ahead and

give their kids

wine and everything irish i i think

they gave you wine before they gave you

guinness definitely

ah well it's hard to kind of involve

guinness in the holy communion at nine

months

to be honest well it probably depends on

which

church you go to in ireland yeah i mean

guinness is probably

yeah exactly i mean i can see st james

gate brewery

sponsoring different churches so back to

hailey grip

yes all right then grip says she stabbed

weinstein

on the bottom part of his scrotum with a

sharp broken nail then fled

grip who has tourette's syndrome which

i'm sure is

relevant maybe she casted him multiple

times before she left

yeah uncontrollably here's the problem

with tourette syndrome

so there was a documentary that came out

about tourette syndrome

i think like four or five years ago and

i watched that documentary hoping

to laugh because of tourette's

and then it turned out sad and my wife

told me he's like oh you thought that

was going to be funny was actually sad

i'm like yeah

yeah i thought it would actually be

funny but tourette's kind of sucks yeah

and i know you have a touch of

tourette's syndrome yeah well i'm

english

we all have tourette's and dragons

that's why we kind of cuss everything

yeah all the things i have to edit out

when you just

yell out just random topics and bitched

out the channel of nickelodeon junior

last

year i know it for like 20 minutes

but tourette's should be funny but it's

actually

not fun it's not always funny it's

sometimes funny it is sometimes

it's funny especially in movies but

anyway so yeah she's got

tourette's syndrome told her should be

put in a mental hospital

if she spoke of or ordeal so this stuff

and the reason why i kind of bought this

article out was that harvey weinstein

is continually facing all of these

accusers i know the story came up last

year and people thought it was dead and

married but

there is this conveyor belt of accusers

coming up and

you know saying yay sexually assaulting

many years ago and so

the evidence against him is kind of

overwhelming right

in fact and this was the first time

actually i'd seen an individual

witness in the news for maybe about

three months but then it gave all this

list of all these other people

who had actually been testifying against

him recently so this thing is just like

going on

yeah but but a lot of this comes from

like 20

25 years ago right i mean

jeffrey epstein no no no no no i'm

thinking of harvey

i mean how often no on what occasions

um several times a day no no again no

he's been

no he's been molesting people for

decades now truly right

right yeah so some of these people are

coming up and saying hey

20 25 years ago harvey weinstein

did this or whatever so you know you

spent a lot of time in the uk

and then you came over and then you were

in new england for a while

did harvey weinstein do anything with

you

i'd never heard of him until all this

come out so unless he was my my scout

troop leader i don't know

yeah but that's what i'm asking you i

mean maybe you have a case

maybe i didn't do you have a case

against your scout troop leader

no i forced her of anything um

during this trial one accuser told the

jury

weinstein's genitals looked like it

being cut

and sewn back on and he has no test

cause so i'm thinking she did some

pretty decent damage

she should have joined the ufc well i

mean if this is not a lesson to all

women to keep at least

one broken nail on each hand

well i remember years ago my dad telling

me a story when he was in the navy

and this was kind of in the infancy of

the navy seals

and so this and my dad wasn't a navy

seal by any means

but he had some friends that were in the

navy seals in the

infancy and this dude had a kindergarten

navy sales what do you mean in it oh you

mean when navy seals first started dizzy

yeah

because because yeah it started out as

like a underwater demolition or whatever

and then it

evolved into the navy seals and and did

all that

and so my dad being in the navy he had a

friend that was actually in the navy

seals

and he had his thumbnail

sharpened to a point and my dad always

asked him

why do you do that and he said because i

can take that thumbnail

and i can slit your eyelids and make you

blind

immediately and my dad said ah no that's

not true

that wouldn't happen and he said i can

put you

on the ground before you can say your

name

and my dad said okay i'll call you on

that

and he couldn't even get the first

syllable

out of his first name and this dude had

him on the ground

fingernails are powerful do you think we

can get him for our new year's pie

i'm pretty sure he's dead it's probably

still harder than most of the people who

will

invite our new years point yeah are we

gonna have a new year's party

not new years oh it's too expensive

well you've got to go like november

because the restaurant prices are

outrageous so you try and book them like

towards the end

well we're definitely not going to spend

any money

well no it's not pat living on an island

what plants do you have to eat of on the

island

i have banana plants banana plants oh

cactus is in luck because uh i found an

article and it says

why plant owners are using chemical free

banana water to make their greenery

double

size in weeks and all you need is some

overly ripe skins

so about that do you think that will

kind of like get a little garden growing

more on the island until the

everything i have is really active

kind of washes it off and stuff because

i kind of picture it

being like one of those cartoon islands

where it's like got an eight-foot

circumference

and it's just him sitting under one palm

tree do palm trees

produce bananas banana palm trees do

what do you think bananas come from

i guess banana palm trees right okay

i don't know well that's why i'm just

letting you know

on your island if you want to plant a

banana tree

and from my research they grow like in

two to four days

uh you can have that and you can use the

water from the bananas

to actually grow the rest of your crops

there on the island

and you can be eating more food than

you're already eating on the island so

gardeners are describing it as the new

holy grail of natural fertilizer

oh so indiana jones is trying to find

this

no but i thought indiana jones was

trying to find the holy grail

when he found that and then his his dad

at the end of the movie got you know

healed

by that and then was supposed to have

everlasting life but then

they made that next movie and he's dead

wasn't that a shock to find out that

james bond was his dad

that makes sense because indiana jones

was

a badass like the mayonnaise shrimp

we've ordered some banana

trees on amazon hopefully they're not

going to ship them at their

full size because they don't have to pay

their shipping cost well

in if we're going to be responsible for

keeping those alive

we're not going to be able to do that

because here at the studio there's a

plant

outside that i was apparently supposed

to be responsible

for putting water in that plant to keep

it alive and i forgot about that

so it died pan i know nothing about

that story you just by um so anyway

here's another one which is going to be

a struggle to kind of

get any humor out of i just felt it was

like one of those

oh my goodness how crazy is the world

type stories so

neither of you laugh at any part about

this story uh

pastor's wife 47 and her lover

26 uh arrested for murdering her husband

after they had multiple hotel threesomes

together

now again like i said that's not a funny

headline but

initially she told police that had been

killed by an intruder who then fled

the she then confessed it was ca

carlill who's a lover and she had left

the door open for him

all three had multiple threesomes at a

super 8 hotel over the last few months

christian carlill then launched into

their own private romance

she told him her husband a pastor was

was verbally abusive to her and she

wanted more freedom so

that's it pat i'd like you to guess what

state that was in

it was in oklahoma and i believe it was

in a toca oklahoma if i'm not mistaken

i may have the city incorrect no it's

oklahoma right

well i know that wow wow so what kind of

crap do you read on that island pat

i think you got that i read

here's my problem with this you're

running this

sex ring basically and doing that and

then you go to the super

i mean can't you just ring it's just a

threesome oh

to me that's probably the only hope it's

more

kind of a sex triangle rather than this

i think i'll be honest

but i think pat's a little disappointed

because it wasn't at the red roof inn

pat let's be honest you love the red

roof and i do i'm a big fan of the red

roof so

we do we do obviously we're going to

tampa staying in the red room we do

obviously

because there's a lady involved need to

get your opinion on how attractive she

is she's the one on the left i've

actually seen her before and and i'll be

honest with you

not uh not more not more than an eight

out of ten

the uh the girl with the beard uh

much more favorable than this woman yeah

she's got a face like a disappointed

haddock wow oh

yeah yeah that's uh

yeah that's hard to look at yeah pastor

looks disappointed even

in that picture before he was murdered

she isn't even

worth taking the chili's for dinner and

doing the two for 25.

all right you know that you know her

lover 26

he was just in it to get a free

playstation 5 on launch

oh sure there's no way you're gonna be

like i mean let's be honest though i

mean

maybe i might do that if i had to

just say yeah i need a new xbox

take one for the team the team being me

and then i get my xbox but beyond that

i can't see myself doing anything beyond

that

in a connected story bears

with no fear of man are found to have

mystery fatal disease that swells their

brains

this isn't the bear that snorted all the

cocaine

and like went nuts for like 20 minutes

and died right

no not that lucky bastard no this is

other bears they've apparently got brain

disease

it swells up a bit like what was that um

mad cow disease thing that bovine spongy

spongy spongy not lovey thing with

brains because like deer and stuff could

get it right

and their brains swelled up and it

crushed against the skull or

yeah probably making that bad but you

know sucks for them i think it caused

tourettes yeah

well a number of bears in california

have been found with

fearless behavior fearless behavior

yeah one instant reported in 2019

so this is up to date saw a cub

approaching humans on a ski

slope and yet we were informed at the

time can you remember back then this was

even before coving

they had to really fill the news out and

we weren't informed that a cub

approached somebody on a ski slope maybe

he had lost his

board and looking for some help well

bear was captured for a further

investigation

revealed it had a disease known as

enzyme

a lot of words it causes the bears brain

to become inflamed

other symptoms include lethargy which if

it's winter it

kind of could have been hibernating i

don't think uh low weight and a tilted

head

i wonder what questions they asked the

bear

well a total of four bears with the

disease were captured in a few months

however most of them were actually

euthanized due to the disease's severity

so those bear lovers of kind of like

think this was going to turn out good

it's just like our uh

homeless dog shout out story it didn't

turn out

yeah so we can't fault the bears because

they're out there

trying to steal picnic baskets well now

apparently they're trying to ski

i'd love to watch a bear ski

they ride bicycles in the circle oh yeah

yeah the russians put them to good use

yeah but so archaeologists right we know

they're a group of people who have

literally got nothing better to do than

they made a career

at digging up stuff yeah so boring so

boring

but they get paid for it which is a

bonus well i think a lot of them

think they're gonna be indiana jones you

know it and not to bring him up again

but

a lot of archaeology is yeah digging

around in the ground but a lot of it is

research and

everything and they all think they're

gonna find the holy grail

or the ark of the covenant or something

like that yeah and ironically most of

them are doing it

to earn money so they can buy an iwatch

series six yeah yeah

nothing archaeological about that

archaeologists

they've discovered a 3 200 year old

shrine

to a knife-wielding spider god which

sounds bad enough but he's associated

with rain

and fertility in peru so like i don't

really like spiders i'm not the biggest

fan to be honest with you but

what's wrong with spiders i just don't

like them yeah but

they kill bugs yeah they also kill

people

what crazy country or spiders killing

people

i mean if well it better replace

yeah but if you see a spider and you

don't know

how to take care of the spider or

whatever

you just leave it alone no i killed them

no they're in my house

no it's castle doctrine rules son no sir

no i kill all of them

um see you're wrong because we had a

garden spider that

spun a web outside of our house we

named it renee after my sister-in-law

yeah

and then i used to go out there and

catch grasshoppers throw it in the web

and everything

renee was not bothering anybody

no literally i'll tell you like last

halloween we had a kid dressed as a

spider come up

um to our porch i shot him in the head

with a 22 so i gave him a pound of

skittles so his parents didn't force any

kind of lawsuit but no i just don't

like spiders now the thought of spiders

with knives

that actually makes them to me less

scary because i'm pretty good with the

knife

so i figured that's a good out and out

battle me and a spider with a knife

it's just when they creep up on you but

they've got a knife and it's a 1v1

like me and him you know in the kitchen

he's got a knife i've got a knife

so you're worried about spiders that are

actually going to have knives trying to

attack you

not really i'm actually more worried

about them when they don't have knives

because then they use all their ninja

tactics

spiders have ninja tactics yeah because

they're all creepy and stuff and they

creep up on you so

when they have knives are kind of like

all right well i have knives also so it

gets into that kind of rock paper

scissors scenario

how do spiders play rock paper scissors

what does it matter because other yellow

pages and i just drop it on the head and

kill them

oh yeah that gets that out of the way so

anyway this spider god right is

associated with

rain and fertility now i don't know

whether you should be worried about

fertility how do you end up

being in charge of rain and fertility

well remember he's a spider god and he's

holding a knife

and it's like what else can we get him

to do yeah that

that seems like he's in charge of rain

and fertility and

i don't know maybe outward bound

shipping yeah that

that seems like this poor spider's

wearing too many hats

i know he's got eight legs but he only

has one head

well he had a temple dedicated to him

nice

yeah um it says most of the relic

should have said relics but maybe they

were talking about just one

has been destroyed by farmers trying to

expand

their land uh site is now registered and

will be protected from

further vandalism so the uh spider god

is gonna have a shrine

basically kept intact for future

generations to enjoy and appreciate and

have nightmares about i don't know yeah

now what country is this

peru came from

do you know what the capital of peru

well i was just thinking of the song

that i had to learn in spanish class in

like 8th grade nobody cares about that

yeah

i know the world has been shocked by the

suez canal recently being blocked

right well okay so

i figured we were gonna eventually grab

a suez canal

question yeah so we all know about the

panama canal

no yeah you know i've heard of it yeah

you've heard of it pat you've heard of

the panama

now absolutely and you've heard of the

suez canal

yep okay and pat you've heard of the

suez canal

i have heard of it can you name another

canal

root yeah root canal that's

pretty much where i'm at i mean so

there's basically

two canals in the world the panama canal

and the suez canal

there is probably more though don't

think

no because we haven't heard of them so

there's only two canals

yeah that's true that makes sense right

yep okay

just clearing it up so you've got two

canals

suez canal is not as important as the

panama canal

because there's no suez jack

shirts but there's panama jack shirts so

we buy panama jack shirts because of the

panama canal

you sound exactly like a man who is

about to sell pat and i

another canal maybe i will sell you a

canal

private canal you've kind of gorged out

of your backyard

yeah maybe in like fort worth on the

trinity river

would do the trinity canal there's a lot

of work goes into a canal

yeah probably not well i don't know i

don't know they're naturally formed

actually yeah but

i think the suez canal is older than the

panama canal

but surprisingly it looks like two guys

dug the suez canal on it yeah

on a weekend that is true actually i

should have made that wider

as it is to world trade they could have

used some good explosives and made that

thing way

way wider maybe moses

should have dug the suez canal while he

was part in the red sea

that would have made it much easier and

he could have just stood out there with

his staff and said

yeah hey okay well i'm gonna bring the

water in

boat goes through bring the water out

let people walk across

i mean it's like a drawbridge canal

everything gets taken care of moses is

just sitting there

hanging out and doing this thing you do

know the red sea and the sewers canal

are more than

one day's walking distance apart right

it depends on how fast you walk

well he ain't walking there okay one day

so anyway what were you going on about

oh yes is canal so

it got unblocked and the good news about

it being unblocked

ship carrying 20 containers filled with

sex

toys that have been caught in sewers

canal traffic jam

will now be able to complete its

delivery as

crisis reaches its climax

well stated yeah so at least your

delivery is going to get there on time

now

well i get mine delivered by drone

through amazon so i don't rely on the

serious canal

you trust that yeah in texas yep

i shoot those things well yeah but

you're a bad shot

so um edc retail

which is what's going to appear on your

bank statement when you order these sex

toys just in case anybody's kind of like

thinking

oh i need to order a sex toy but i don't

want it coming up on my bank statement

as sex toy

apparently if you buy from edc retail

it'll just come up a cdc retail soon

just be like oh yeah that was a new

shirt i bought or blah blah blah in

stage you've just bought a whole box of

sex toys which hopefully didn't

you didn't have to wait to come through

the service canal because then you'd be

disappointed and frustrated and

so do you think that you're gonna get

some kind of

refund for the delay in all this

i'll call it post masturbation tax or

something

yeah yeah i mean something i mean you

got to say hey

i i want this item

and then this dude decides that he's

going to try to

drift through the suez canal and then

get stuck

shouldn't there be some kind of

reparation

for your order i mean if you're on

amazon prime and you're like hey i'm

supposed to have this next day

and some dude screws up and gets stuck

in the suez canal

shouldn't you get some kind of money off

on this

maybe 20 off next delivery oh that

worked for me right yeah

i think what you're looking for is

delayed gratification yeah

a man gets the fright of his life when a

python emerges from his toilet

while he was sitting on it and then a

firefighter is called to pull the animal

out

why is that the job of the firefighter

to take care of a snake

well i want to know if he tried flushing

the toilet first because it's

hard enough having to kind of like

plunge it when there's some poopy in

there

what about if there's poopy in there and

you've got your hand down there trying

to pull a python out of the toilet okay

so

who's putting their hand down in the

toilet

when there is fecal matter down there

and a snake

i don't even think firefighters do that

well listen to this one right

some chai only one name 45 which is

relevant

from thailand also relevant was

poked by an eight-foot python slithering

in his toilet

do you know some chai i don't but i'm

not sure i'll be going to the bathroom

anytime soon

i'm worried about going to the bathroom

now

a rescue team was called out to remove

the snake from the plumbing

volunteer

grabbed the snake in the toilet with a

gloved hand so he protected me

protected himself from the ppe and the

poopoo

snake was driven in a bag away from the

village and released

into the wild says a happy ending not

many happy endings around here

not the typical asian happy ending

though no

no right in thailand you don't normally

get very many happy endings and that was

a happy ending

but isn't thailand in asia yeah

somewhere around there

yeah but not india no we wouldn't want

to do that

in summary we hope we caught you up with

all of these nice little news

articles and we will have another

episode of

in other news next friday so we hope you

enjoyed that

and thanks for tuning in to this episode

of the

wolf and the shepherd and we will catch

you

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