Sharks

welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we are going to be

talking about sharks not

baby sharks thank goodness not daddy

sharks i didn't even know that was part

of the song

so we are actually gonna be talking

about

sharks yeah we've entitled this episode

baby shark

just purely because we're looking to

ride off the back of the success of the

song baby shark and hoped

somebody would type baby shark into like

youtube and accidentally click on our

videos so we got some money oh that is

smart that we're actually thinking about

doing that yeah

so i figured we ought to educate our

listening audience about sharks but

i made an absolute error because i went

to wikipedia for a definition

of sharks and since we last went there

they've kind of upgraded

the use of their words because there's

like at least

five words in the description i can't

understand which

if you think about what is a shark you

shouldn't have five words you can't

understand in the answer

uh big scary fish kills things yeah

that's that's five words right yeah

well so here we go sharks are a group of

elasmo

branch fish characterized by a

cartilaginous skeleton

five to seven gill slits on the side of

the head and pectoral fins that are not

fused to the head

modern sharks are classified with the

clade celechamorpha under the sister

group to raise

yeah this sounds like a biology class or

or what is it marine biology yeah this

sounds like something you would learn in

marine biology

i honestly thought marine biology would

be a little bit more basic but

apparently it's not now probably so

scratch that off the list of careers if

this podcast thing doesn't work out then

right right so i checked out the

britannica kids definition which

honestly i should have gone to

to start off with yeah why didn't you

start with that that's more

our pace it's my go-to now this is where

i'm always going to get the definition

of stuff

okay good right and it's obviously more

suitable to our listening audience

sharks are fast swimming fishes that

have a skeleton made of cartilage

instead of bone

they are related to rays sharks are

among the oldest animals on earth

you see why couldn't they have just done

that yeah no that makes more sense so

basically what you're saying is

wikipedia should just say hey

britannica kids write all our articles

and now everybody can understand them

yeah i think

just because anybody can go in and edit

wikipedia somebody went in there to show

off

and say hey i know a lot of big words

but didn't help me understanding why

shark is

so do you think somebody went in that

was

maybe studying for their phd or whatever

in marine biology and said hey

i've learned all this stuff so now i'm

going to put all these fancy words in

wikipedia to confuse everybody honestly

i don't know

i'm just not going back there yeah it

that that's so disappointing

is because that used to be our basic

[ __ ] go-to for definition

right it's ruined the problem we've had

in the last few podcasts is you've

kind of depressed me a little bit and

now you've hit me with another

depressing thing that we can't even rely

on wikipedia anymore

like what are we supposed to do it's

going down this downward spiral of

just depression of the way that we can

find our information

yeah well thankfully

i did a little bit of research to

children's website so i found out some

really interesting facts about

sharks [ __ ] level yeah in fact this was

all from like a couple of

kids websites and because i've kind of

remembered most of it word for word i'm

not really going to kind of

name check the websites in case they

want to sue us a copyright infringement

no no we don't want that so anyway first

thing

sharks are made of the same gristly

stuff that your ears and nose tip are

made of

my nose tip and my ears yeah not the

bounty bits

and it's grisly because i i think about

gristle

i remember my dad whenever i would eat

this

horrible meat that we would cook and

my parents would call it steak and then

i'd sit there and i'd be chewing chewing

chewing and

i couldn't chew it up and it might be

two minutes later yeah

and my dad would say well that's gristle

it you can't chew that up you just spit

it out on your plate

and so we had this little section of the

plate that we spit out the

so-called gristle so you're saying this

is what sharks are made out of

is the stuff i used to spit out on my

plate yeah pretty much

mind you have you seen um those trucks

around dfw which sell all those cheap

ribeye steaks yes yeah like five

for like ten dollars or something well

they have those facebook ads and videos

like hey

show up and pay five dollars and get 20

rib eyes i'm like

i'm thinking i'm not sure it's a lot of

gristle on those i think so

you know i don't think they're rib eyes

i'm thinking there's like a follow-up

thing like in latest news family dies on

toilet i don't know

right yeah that makes sense so although

sharks don't have

bones they can store fossilized which to

me didn't seem like

a very surprising fact given wait no

insects

and stuff sharks have no bones no none

whatsoever

wow either they have so few they've

decided to say none

or they genuinely don't have any bones

because regular fish have bones

i mean if you catch yeah well if you

catch like a catfish right

and you do a catfish fry i remember when

i was a kid

we would catch catfish we'd fry them up

and my dad would always say

hey be careful because we're not at a

restaurant

so there might be a little piece of bone

in here so you got to be careful when

you're chewing it up so you're saying if

we would have caught a shark i wouldn't

had to worry about chewing up a bone

no but you'd been eating a lot of

gristle yeah which is better

i don't know choking to death on a bone

or chewing for

four days on some gristle choking to

death on a bone yeah

that's always kind of worried me about

eating fish actually

fish with bones in it because i end up

chewing it like

about 10 times in more than you normally

would chew anything else and by then all

the flavors gone and it's pretty much

like broken down to atoms in your mouth

before you right

which is a giant pain it is i mean you

just want to sit

and enjoy a meal why do you have to

worry about

getting some kind of piece of bone

caught in your throat or something like

that don't you just want to sit down

and say i got my fork i got my knife i'm

just gonna sit here i'm gonna cut my

bites out i'm gonna

savor each bite i don't have to worry

about some kind of bone getting caught

in my throat and killing me

but even when you buy fish which has

been filleted all the bones taken out

i've probably still only came across one

or two pieces of fish in my life

where there still wasn't one bone or two

bones in it you still find it

oh atlantic fish like cod and all that

stuff

well it doesn't matter i mean those

bones are gonna slip through the cracks

literally so to speak i mean no matter

how

well people can fillet the fish

whatever they do to carve it all up

every once in a while

little bones gonna slip through the

cracks it is a tough tight rope to walk

yes now most sharks have good eyesight

now when it says most sharks it didn't

discriminate in terms of saying certain

species of shark it just said most

sharks so there's a lot of them out

there which are just like swimming into

rocks and barrier reefs because their

eyesight's crap

ah i feel sorry for those sharks now i

think

nerd sharks they've probably got good

eyesight because they wear glasses

very thick rimmed wait stop nerd sharks

that's a thing no it just sharks them

and nerds

could be any species of shark they're

just sharks which are really good at

math and science and probably

inquire or something but you know they

don't have quite

sorry eyesight but you know like i said

they wear their ring glasses and

get wedgied often by members of the

athletic shark team

well hopefully none of the nerd sharks

are hammerhead sharks because they have

those eyes

way out there and imagine going to the

optometrist and trying to get some kind

of glasses

fitted for those hammerhead sharks

that's got to be expensive

although i think they're probably on the

athletic team because you imagine with

that type of vision what a good

quarterback you'd make

absolutely i mean other than the lack of

arms to throw a ball obviously but

well they can spit it out their mouth

but at least they can read the defense

extremely well

blitz really well absolutely so shark's

skin apparently feels very similar to

sandpaper which is shocking

sandpaper yeah that doesn't make any

sense because they look so smooth

yeah i don't know if they're greasy

because that's that might not make them

look

shiny no i wouldn't say they're greasy

but they look smooth

they don't look like they would feel

like sandpaper

apparently they've got all these little

like teeth-like structures on them i

think it's uh what was the word

placoid scales or something and it

points in the direction of the tail

and so it helps it to be more

aerodynamic under the wall well that

makes sense yeah but

sitting chase you down and bite you in

the ass a lot quicker than it otherwise

would

sure but wouldn't you like to have a

pair of cowboy boots made out of shark

skin

but you wouldn't want to cut your hand

trying to put your cowboy boots on

yeah well i don't think you cut yourself

as this rough like sandpaper

well you could cut yourself on sandpaper

depending on how rough sandpaper is and

also how

many times you actually rub your hand or

whatever you're rubbing with it

yeah it takes repeated infringements

with the sandpaper to damage your skin i

think

sure but then you could actually take a

shark and smooth out wood

so killing two birds with one stone so

sharks could put the sandpaper industry

out of business yeah that's another you

could use for a baby shark then and then

yeah smoothing off the table right you

need sandpaper i mean you just throw a

baby shark on a table

and now it's nice and smooth then you

put it back in the aquarium

well i've figured then i'd cook it and

eat a bunch of crystals i don't think

well

that's true yeah so if you flip a shark

upside down it goes into a trance

no kidding yeah and so marine biologists

or anybody who feels the need to operate

or do any type of medical procedure on a

shark

they'll normally flip them on the back

and it's called something um

tonic immobility so they don't thrash

around or try and bite your arm off or

something so that's how

shark veterinarians get to actually work

on the sharks by flipping them upside

down

so do veterinarians that mess with

turtles

i mean are they in the same thing

because you flip the turtle upside down

the turtle can't go anywhere

i don't know how many turtle related

deaths there's been though among

humans so it's not like it's not like

it's going to run away from me

very fast either is it yeah but remember

the ninja turtles

little bit different how so because the

superheroes

in a half shell well yeah but once again

i mean you have this rat he's going over

there he's training

these four turtles to be ninjas we've

figured out

that you can train turtles to be ninjas

there's no shark ninjas well no but

again sharks have got a lot of teeth and

i guess with the teenage mutant ninja

turtles you risk being hit round the

head with a pair of nunchucks so that's

that's true that's just a risk of the

job in between them eating pizza

right yeah do sharks eat pizza sharks

see

anything i've seen these photos of where

they've cut sharks open and there's

things like

uh tires pieces of boat machinery they

literally will almost eat anything i

think they have this um

thing where they just can't stop or

differentiate between what

is and what isn't digestible right but

if a shark was to eat a pizza

what kind of toppings would they want on

their pizza

well not mantis shrimp sure well no but

what about

anchovies no is that why we still have

anchovies on pizza because i still can't

figure that out

i mean pepperoni salami sausage

bacon mozzarella cheese i get that

vegetables don't get not gonna admit

that you should have vegetables on pizza

but

i can't figure out why people want

anchovies on pizza

it doesn't make sense being guaranteed

unless

sharks eat pizza well i guarantee even

the sharks are not going to eat

pizza with a pineapple on it no no no

person no sane person is eating pizza

with pineapple on right

yeah so sharks first appeared in the

ocean about

450 million years ago which

i think was roughly about 20 years after

nancy pelosi was born

were you there to witness us no i think

now my ancestors were

saying oh okay well yeah hanging out on

a tree but you know

right he's still he still saw it no i

believe him yeah

why'd you nancy place he does look a

little bit like a tree monkey a little

bit

yeah a little bit she looks like one of

those monkeys which steals

cameras and stuff from tourists in

thailand

do you think those monkeys that steal

those cameras and everything

walk up to a pawn shop and like trade

that for like bananas well you'd think

so wouldn't you

how many bananas do you think a stolen

camera is worth

well it depends on the brand i mean like

if it's a cake yeah i can't it's

probably worth quite a bit

if it's one of these cheap chinese

knockoffs probably not so much no

like a a nikon or a canon camera

how many bananas do you think that's

worth like 10 bananas

well i don't know if monkeys really have

an understanding of method of exchange

so they probably

think four bananas for like a 400 camera

is a good deal

well if you're hungry yeah one banana

how many bananas do you think nancy

pelosi eats each day

two two yeah one in the morning one in

the year

yeah so maybe well now

actually no i take that back it's

probably plantains

i mean she is part of the

government so she can get plantains and

not just regular bananas

i would take advantage of that let's be

honest so would you

if you had the ability to choose between

bananas

and plantains you'd probably pick

plantains

no it's still bad for a pizza to be

honest

but if you had to choose between bananas

and plantains which would you choose

depends on the quality of the banana

what is the plantain

that's why this conversation is

confusing me oh fair enough yeah

now did you know that blue sharks are so

cold because they are really

blue i wouldn't know i'm not colorblind

right that is true

actually i thought they were all blue

because they're in the water and the

water's blue

no oh that's just a refraction of light

oh but i'll take your word for that one

but most sharks are either kind of like

brown olive or grayish you know i think

what's olive like greeny type color

so vegetables again this would be

useless to you because they're all going

to look great to you

probably yeah so if they start up a

brown shark's matter movement

you're not gonna know are you no i

wouldn't

i'm just worried about the vegetarian

sharks now did you know that a whale

shark

spot pattern is unique as a fingerprint

no

kidding yeah which probably means

they're going to be pretty screwed if

they try and rob a bank

well unless they're wearing gloves but

then you think wow

do they have hands not our fins though

oh okay

so so there's somebody down there

in the ocean making gloves for the whale

sharks fins

to make sure if they rob a bank they

don't get caught

part of the problem as well why robin

banks is mostly a bad gig for whale

sharks is they're also the largest fish

in the ocean they can grow

like oh those are those are the big ones

right 40 feet long and they can weigh

like up to like 40 tons

yeah yeah and they eat like lots and

lots of fish

yeah but they're they're supposed to be

peaceful though

right i mean they're just hanging out

well except for the ones which are

trying to rob banks yeah

well yeah so is that where all the

offshore accounts get robbed

yeah so when we hear about offshore

accounts it's the whale sharks that are

robbing the offshore accounts i think so

oh

so they're kind of evil a little bit i

don't know because i don't know what

they do with the money

they might be like robin hood and

spreading out among all the other sharks

and fish

or are they buying bananas for the

monkeys that are stealing the cameras

who knows you don't know nowadays do you

the trade star system online is like so

complicated it could

lead to anything i wonder if they're

investing in

cryptocurrency you'd think they would

pay if they're smart

do they have coinbase accounts sharks

yeah um

i think the big issue with that is

coinbase operating this system called

know your customer

and i don't think sharks have ids that's

too bad yeah

i mean everybody should be able to get

an id right

so that sounds like discriminatory

practice that's against sharks well

that's why they're not allowed to vote

either

ah that's too bad yeah i hate to see

that yeah

did you know that not all sharks have

the same teeth so i mean they're not

sharing dentures or anything i mean they

don't they have different types of teeth

some sharks

have like triangle shaped teeth which

are really sharp and others have

well okay so the triangle teeth that

that's the one when you get the little

necklace from the gift shop

at the beach and you get that little

triangle shaped

tooth yeah right that's what you're

talking about more than likely plastic

and never seen the inside of shark's

mouth right yeah

so there's different teeth other than

that yeah because i think of a shark

tooth

that's what i think about yeah so

there's different teeth beyond that

is what you're telling me yeah a sandbar

shark that can have

over 35 000 teeth in its lifetime which

i can't tell you how many must be

falling out each day yeah

i mean 35 000. how long how long are

these guys

living well a lot of sharks live between

15 and 25 years

so gosh that's too many teeth

no that's yeah i mean what are humans

over there like 42 or something

i thought it was like 38 but imagine

plus the wisdom teeth oh well no fair

enough yeah i'm 38.

42. if any other audience know the

actual number of teeth humans are

supposed to have keep it to yourself

because nobody's really that interested

plus

we all have access to google see yeah

but i'm thinking about how many

toothbrushes these sharks are going

through without clean water

no none that's why they're falling out

oh cause they're not brushing their

teeth

yeah colgate missed a trick there yeah

absolutely

mind you they'd probably just eat the

tuba toothpaste anyway it wouldn't do

any use

no that makes sense just calcify their

uh

pineal gland from all that fluoride well

the problem is they're swimming around

in the ocean

and they don't have fluoride injected

into the water

to keep their teeth clean yeah yeah they

should actually put lithium in the sea

water because that'll calm them down

make them less aggressive i think so

what i found out which was not really

going into too much detail because again

i found it on a children's website

it said that different sharks reproduce

in different ways or rather different

shark species it's not like the same

ones kind of all have a different manner

of

love making and having babies it's

different sharks species

they reproduce in different ways no

kidding so

different sharks breed in different ways

is there interbreeding like can a

hammerhead shark

breed with a great white shark and make

some kind of hybrid chart

i think it's a bit of a size difference

so i mean

you can have something like chihuahua

and a great dane

sorry the uh yeah one is a stepladder

yeah but

that can happen yeah i mean there's it i

mean you have

golden doodles you know this half golden

retriever

half poodle now everybody

in you know the suburbia wants this

golden doodle which is a goofy looking

dog and they're like oh it's

it's a golden doodle i'm like no it's a

half breed dog

you know and and then you have these

designer dogs

so basically you're saying you could

have designer sharks no i don't think so

because i think there's a world of

difference between a dog standing on its

back legs to reach

and a shark being 27 feet shorter than

the person it's supposed to be mating

with

yeah that's a good point right so they

reproduce differently are they like some

sharks like

missionary positions some like it doggy

style no apparently it's talking about

females wouldn't it be sharky style no

humans do doggy star won't they sharks

don't know about that

human style don't they maybe they do we

don't know

have you have you talked to a shark and

asked them what they

talk about there no they scare me a

little bit to be honest

i agree they scare me a little bit too

yeah well some sharks

are females this is they lay eggs well

not the ones that identify as females

it's the actual biological females

okay they lay eggs and some are actually

live bearing

do you think sharks have one flight

stance wait no backup

live bearings yes when they give birth

when they kind of like poop out a whole

bunch of fish

i'm confused here because you're saying

some

sharks lay eggs and some

live bear yeah their children

so does it depend on what kind of shark

it is yeah what depends on the space is

a shark

so that's why you're telling me they

can't interbreed you can't have a

hammerhead

shark go to a nurse shark

and have a nurse head shark yeah so he

probably could he's probably just not

getting any babies out of it

that's terrible yeah but there's over

500 species of sharks i mean it's way

too many that's too many

i don't know no that's way too many yeah

are there 500 species of dogs i don't

think there are i honestly don't think

you should have more than 10 species of

any animal because anything more than

that it's just a waste i think evolution

is messed up

no i when i go to my parents at

thanksgiving

one of their favorite things is to watch

the

whatever it is the kennel club with the

all right

the the dog show and i'm i'm sitting

here and i'm like how are there

so many dogs and a lot of them are very

similar

but there's way too many dogs yeah

you're saying there's

500 species of sharks like that's way

too many

even at the westminster that's what i

was looking at

the westminster kennel club doesn't even

have

500 breeds of dogs yeah and there's 500

sharks

yeah that's ridiculous and i think we

shouldn't have some of the species of

dog we have i mean the small breeds the

dogs are not really

they don't really have any point and do

they no no no they don't yeah

most of them don't no i mean outside of

vishlas

labradors german shepherds and a few

other species golden retrievers well

they're pretty similar to labradors i

think maybe just

well the retrievers yeah the retrievers

are good

uh the bloodhounds we talked about

bloodhounds yeah

no we like the bloodhounds yeah uh

they're funny-looking

let's think probably give the weimaraner

a pass because he's

now do you feel about

well and we need the greyhounds because

we got to have something to bet on right

something for the midgets to ride in the

uh novelty races

i thought that was great danes i don't

know well we need great danes because of

scooby-doo

yeah we like scooby-doo you like

scooby-doo yeah uh

and beyond that yeah that's enough yeah

so probably six or seven species

yeah yeah less than ten let's agree less

than ten dogs

by the time you run out of fingers

that's just too many exactly

it's too much to keep track of now great

white sharks they can detect

one drop of blood in 25 gallons of water

and they can sense blood from three

miles away

you know which is somewhat similar to

how your wife works out he's been paid

within

about four seconds of it hitting the

bank account oh well you're giving her

a little bit of area there i think it's

more like half a second well yeah but it

takes

that long to unlock a phone well okay

two seconds

yeah she knows the money's there so now

we got to spend it

oh it's a stump the shepherd questioning

hey you know what we haven't done a

stump the shepherd in a while

right and that's a good thing and so now

i'm like happy and sad at the same time

because you know i don't like it when

you stump me

but i'm kind of happy that we brought

this back so

stump the shepherd here we go yeah i've

actually got two questions

oh okay all right hang on hang on let me

do something about shoulder exercises

yep all right i'm ready

here we go yep here we go right so your

odds of getting attacked and killed by a

shark

are what what do you think the number is

one in

hell oh oh okay i gotta go that way yeah

uh one in a million

no you have a one in five chance of

being killed by a shark in your lifetime

one in five yeah i don't believe you

that's because it's not true ah no you

actually have a

one in 3.748

million chance of being killed by shirt

so what about it i'm gonna win the

lottery

do i have a better chance of winning the

lottery i i

prize on the lottery not that obviously

not the grand prize well yeah

i mean if we go down to 7-eleven yeah

and by the way

can can i take a minute here can i

talk about when i went down to 7-11

this morning i've walked into 7-eleven

and the nice woman that works behind the

counter

i walked in and i got my uh morning

drinks and everything and i'm standing

there

and the woman in front of me was

on her cell phone and she was talking on

her cell phone

blah blah blah blah trying to do her

transaction the poor girl there at 7 11

was trying to take care of her but the

woman in front of me

was just so enthralled with her

conversation

that she was talking about and it wasn't

a business conversation it was a

personal conversation we're talking

about 7 30 in the morning right

it took forever for that transaction

to complete then they or

she left and i walk up and i'm like you

know here's my morning drinks or

whatever

and i told the girl behind the counter i

said i

really feel bad for you because you had

to

actually sit there and listen to her

talk on the phone

you're trying to do a job there's

somebody behind me in line

i would walk up to the counter and if i

was talking to you on the phone let's

say

i'd say hey by the way wolf hang on a

second

i'm about to get up to the cashier here

let me take care of my transaction the

girl behind the counter

told me it's like oh you obviously

worked in retail before

and i said no actually i've never worked

in retail

i just have that respect for you that

this is your job you have customers you

gotta

deal with she looked at me like a cow

staring at a new gate like really you

never work retail and you realize that

yeah you ought to put your

phone down you ought to stop talking on

your phone

when you're trying to buy something at a

store isn't that common courtesy

yeah i mean honestly is that not common

courtesy well it is because in england

she'd have got molly whopped for one or

haymaker and if it was me standing

behind her i'd have told her

wait finish a conversation over there so

people can get served but right

i guess you know i just thought that was

disrespectful americans are a little bit

more

tolerant when it comes that type of

thing but now i'd have said something

like i said in england she'd have

probably got

slapped upside the head or something

well i just want to give a shout out to

the girl down there at 7-eleven

just around the corner from our studio

yeah we should probably give her a

t-shirt

yeah yeah well it the problem is it they

all wear

name tags but she's always cold so she

always has like a jacket on

so i don't know her name right of course

she's cold she's female

well yeah and it's cold in the 7-eleven

yeah maybe

yeah so second stump the shepherd

question right

how many sharks do you think are killed

each year

for their fins to make soup oh that

shark fin soup yeah

which i've never had by the way you have

or have not

yeah i haven't either okay how many

sharks are killed

each year to make shark fin soup yeah

100 000 5.

i don't believe you no that's because

that's all so crap

over 100 million sharks

sold each year yeah 100 million

sharks are killed to make shark fin soup

now

admittedly a lot of them deserve it but

no i actually checked that on two

different websites so i still didn't

believe it and then i actually went to a

grown-up website and they said it was

over 100 million as well

are there that many sharks out there

well apparently unless some of them are

like reincarnating pretty quickly that's

a lot of sharks

isn't it i mean how do you make shark

fin soup i mean do you catch the shark

cut the fin off and then throw it in

there again

a few herbs and spices in there and just

serve it a bit like a miso type soup or

something

and that's it yeah and that's what

people like apparently

that sounds terrible surprising never

had it though i can't say i've ever been

to a restaurant where i've

seen or remember it being on a menu

i've been to a lot of seafood

restaurants and i never remember

seeing shark fin soup i'm gonna see if i

can get order a can of it over the

internet or something

yeah yeah and we'll try actually we'll

actually do it on a podcast we'll heat

up in the microwave

you know that nuclear microwave we've

got here in the next room which has

suspiciously high wattage on it and

if it says it takes three minutes to

cook something it normally takes about

20 seconds in that microwave that's

because it's an

old-school microwave plus i think it's

leaking out some radiation as well i'm

not

that convinced about it but if you look

at the surrounding area it looks

somewhat charred

well it's probably because you burnt

popcorn

a because i followed the instructions on

the packet

and it was like burnt to a cinder ah

well that makes

it like one of those cartoon you know

like when somebody catches fire and like

it's just

ashes and we're like smoke rising from

it yeah

you know speaking of catching fire i

remember

i don't know what this happened in

england or not but i remember

when i was a kid we were taught to stop

drop and roll

yeah and when you get cool if you catch

on fire yeah if you catch on fire

so as a kid i thought there's gonna be a

point in my life

where i'm actually gonna catch on fire

so i need to know

to stop drop and roll right

i'm a little disappointed because i'm

now in my 40s and i

have yet to catch on fire to stop drop

and roll

so at what point do i catch on fire

well i caught on fire once remember i

told you that time i used to make

homemade napalm and managed to find a

delivery system with it

make a delivery system when me and my

cousins used to uh

go to his um grandma's farm

and we'd build trenches and we'd put on

like motorbike helmets and

shoot at each other with 22s and after a

few weeks

naturally the war escalated and so i

found out how to make napalm right then

i invented a delivery system involving

washing up liquid bottles and some coke

and some sugar

and one of them i didn't seal enough and

it kind of exploded and covered me in

the homemade napalm

so i had to roll around on the floor but

amazingly when you roll around on the

floor

napalm still burns so that didn't really

work no that's a little bit different

when it worked with the popcorn either

right i think

yeah and and let's also do a public

service announcement

uh let's avoid going on to google

and searching a certain book that

is actually out there that teaches you

all this stuff because

you will actually get kind of tagged by

your fellow nsa agent that is

tracking everything so we don't want to

mention

the book or whatever but it's out there

but

please is it some type of cookbook it it

it is

and it has something to do with

anti-government but

but please uh we're not going to mention

the name of that because yeah it does

happen

and there's reason why you and i are on

that list but we don't want anybody

to subscribe don't bother trying to find

it on save you the trouble it's just

blue washing detergent and some gasoline

that's how you make it

all right well now everybody that's

listening this just

immediately got on that list to be

honest a lot of our listenership aren't

really on many lists so uh

this might be actually a good thing for

some of them oh yeah they can get

popular

yeah so the sharks even though they

think they're all that they think

they're all big time

a lot of animals in the ocean have

actually evolved

so they can outsmart the sharks what

about the manta shrimp

well the mantis shrimp is just going to

smack the water and instantly fry the

shark so that's not going to okay

making sure yeah because you know even

though we're talking about sharks

you know i'm gonna be on the side of the

manta shrimp well yeah of course

yeah i'd be on the side as are you all

right on the side of the mantis shrimp

if it was fighting the labradors i mean

it's just you know maybe if he was

fighting joe biden's dog

major yeah on the side of the mountain

shrimp then because that dog

yeah so the marine iguana can stop its

own heart

to prevent sharks from hearing them

because sharks can hear heart beats from

up to

13 feet away so this iguana dude can

actually stop his heart for up to 45

minutes

wow i didn't even know there was such a

thing as underwater iguanas

when the navy started we all had

you know boats and then all of a sudden

they said well we need submarines so

maybe the iguanas got together and said

hey we need

you know submarine iguanas yeah

so they had some union meetings

somewhere and said hey some of you guys

are gonna have to

swim underwater yeah i think this has

been going on before the internet though

so i don't know how they kind of got

that organized well maybe we're just now

finding out about it oh this isn't a

stump the shepherd

but but did you know that um sharks

livers

are extremely evolved and probably

because they've been knocking around for

450 million years

but um sharks liver oil has a lot of

medicinal purposes

and one of its great uses is in

hemorrhoid ointment

so do they have better livers than we do

yeah are you sure well yeah because they

don't drink as much alien ail as you and

i do so

i'm sure their livers are better than

ours have you heard that if you

eat a polar bear's liver

you'll die yeah because of the high

amount of whatever vitamin

isn't it yeah yeah vitamin

thc yeah maybe yeah something like that

but it got me to wondering right how did

they first find out

that shark's liver oil was a good

component for hemorrhoids

hemorrhoid treatment so i thought

there's there's somebody bored

everywhere well i i think i came up with

a solution

right so there's this man he's walking

down the beach late at night

okay hemorrhoids absolutely killing him

she's a dead shark

washed up on the beach thinks i know

what i've got my knife on me

i'm going to cut the shark open pull out

its liver and stick it up my arse see if

it makes me feel any better

and alas it did and he went on

to make a lot of money out of it and so

i think that's probably how

they found that out i see no fallacy

through that logic i think that's i

honestly i think that's exactly how it

happened

yeah so just to kind of leave the topic

of sharks by painting them in a bad

light they've been messing up with the

internet

how so well they've got this

inexplicable taste for fiber optic

cables along the ocean floor right

and wait so sharks are angry

with the internet well fiber optic

cables apparently

um so google i haven't uh

wrap it specific underwater cables and

kevlar to detect the sh

sorry to deter the sharks well obviously

sharks are not liking kevlar no

so they're wrapping the cables

and kevlar to make sure the sharks don't

bite

the cables yeah because i mean like that

sandbar shot you know the one who

has over 35 000 teeth in his lifetime

he's probably getting through about

60 000 teeth he's buying right in this

cable no that makes sense

yeah so i guess the next time your

internet goes down

don't automatically blame verizon it

might just be a shark being a wanker

actually i'd blame at t i think it's

actually going to be

att so with with all this said about

sharks what about jaws you know we we

look at that movie or that series of

movies

and everybody kind of said oh this

is the villain this this shark is

trying to kill everybody but maybe he

was

just trying to attack the internet you

know before the internet was out there

he foresaw that he said i don't want the

internet

i'm just trying to be a good dude

was jaws as a movie a foreshadow

of this just attack on sharks

no because jaws was actually based on a

true story i think it was um

well actually i think it's off the shore

somewhere up in uh

new england and he actually killed four

people

but the thing is now he used to like

attacking

boats with people you know rowing in

them and small fishing boats and stuff

so definitely wasn't about the internet

it's just another example of a shark

being a wanker

so do you think sharknados might

actually exist

remember the sharknado movies i mean

could that actually happen yeah

wouldn't that be fantastic because i

mean look we've all seen photos

mainly on movies which may or may not

have any basis over

in reality of you know cows being caught

in tornadoes and flying around

right so if you get a tornado passing

over you know kind of shallow water

close to shore

then it might pull up a shark and the

shark as it's flying around

might be a little bit of an opportunist

as it comes past you might try and bite

you so

sharknado does maybe have a little bit

of basis in truth

yeah no i i get that so last question

for you sharks with laser beams

in their heads freaking sharks are

freaking like i mean

we all know sharks are great they're

doing all this but

sharks with laser beams on their head

yes or no i think we should try it why

not right yeah

i mean could that be part of the united

states navy well the navy did have a

program where they trained dolphins to

attack

right mines oh ships oh yeah

you know the navy had dolphins but what

about

sharks and then they attached laser

beams to their heads

i mean why are we worried about the

space force where

there's nobody out in space attacking us

yet but why don't we get

sharks in the navy and put laser beams

on there like austin powers did

and said or not austin powers dr evil

there you go

dr evil said hey i want to put

laser beams on sharks heads why haven't

we done this yet

i don't well i think because lasers

haven't been powerful enough yet but

i actually read i think about a week ago

there's this new battery

which is going to be able to last for

3500

years and if they manage to kind of like

scale it properly

you'll just have a battery you can put

in your phone and you'll never have to

charge it

same thing with the laptop and

everything else and it might be able to

generate enough

current or build up enough of a current

that it could actually operate a laser

and it might lead the way or pave the

way to

people actually having laser rifles and

laser guns

so if we can get to that point i think

then we should

explore putting freaking sharks with

freaking laser beams on their head into

battle

i like that theory and with all that

said thank you for

tuning in to this episode of the wolf

and the shepherd and we will catch you

on the next one