Texas Snowmageddon

welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd

wait what what is going on right now i

am supposed to be the one

that says welcome to this episode well

there's a special emphasis on the wolf

and the shepherd

particularly towards the wolf this week

because

this episode is on cold weather texas

edition

and you didn't lose any electricity

and i did okay i went almost three days

without electricity while you were

living the life of riley

sitting in your underwear in your living

room being like um too warm i'm too warm

turn on the overhead fan while it got

down to 42 degrees in my house so this

is why i am leading the podcast

yeah fair fair enough there was a little

bit of privilege

yeah okay not wolf privilege shepherd

privilege so

you had water in your house right yeah i

had water in my house as well but in the

studio here we had no waters so

zero water at some point in the future

we're going to explain how we went

around

going to the bathroom this last week

when we're in the studio but i don't

think that time is now we need to get it

beyond us it's like talking about

vietnam four years after the event

yeah that that was bad yeah that was bad

yeah maybe we should avoid that

for a little bit yeah we really

shouldn't go there

so snowmageddon texas worst weather in

texas history probably

or since records began yeah well

texas history as it was recorded

i don't know if it was well that well

recorded previously because every year

people like

yeah it was hot it was hot it was hot

and people like

oh really you're employing somebody to

just say oh it was a hot summer it was a

hot summer i don't think that

it was cold people really got a look in

unless it was an intern

i went without power at my house for

almost three days

right now i got used to it being cold

okay i was wearing like four layers of

under armour

a wolf on the shepherd uh hoodie

from t public which is awesome i've

watched it many times it's fantastic

yeah and he was sitting there in here

underwear at home watching netflix

right but did your hoodie from

t public keep you warm it did i think it

added that extra layer which

tipped the balance between

uncomfortability and wanting to murder

myself

so there's something there so we did

actually managed to record a couple of

podcasts last week despite the role in

blackouts which was a miracle because

when you talk about rolling blackouts

they told us here in texas

one hour on one hour off or at least

that's what we understood

to be but then past the first day they

kind of mixed and matched it this whole

dj thing came in it was like

oh 42 minutes on 17 minutes off

29 minutes on 57 you know it just

it just went you couldn't predict

anything and so we had to uh record the

podcasts in spurts

which is never a good idea with us

because we lose our training thought on

a

absolute linear podcast so we had to

like go back and re-record

some of the stuff we'd already talked

about and then like edit it to make it

make sense

well we always lose our train of thought

when we actually have to hit the pause

button

i mean how many times have we sat there

and tried to record something

and then realized oh maybe we need to

use the bathroom that's the only time we

ever pause it there's that one time

during the episode the early episode on

witches and

witches and gingers right where we got

really emotional because we started

talking about i think

the irish people having ginger hair

that's your heritage you got emotional

had to leave the room but other than

that all of the pauses have been about

having to go potty

and then it gets us all confused and we

can't come

back after we hit pause yeah so we we

have to go

you know straight through we never

pause and take bathroom breaks and all

that good stuff so

for the benefit of our huge

huge listening audience in india

especially since we did that bollywood

podcast that's been the thing we've we

literally have tens of thousands of

listeners from india which is ridiculous

because

yeah well welcome to this one yeah

so cleveland you're here what was a

little bit embarrassing last week

right towards the end of the bad weather

we were in the office

and the power went off on like the

rolling blackout thing and you said

and i quote exactly it's just like

living in a third world country

now when you said that we were listening

to music

on your laptop which you downloaded

you were filling out a spreadsheet of me

scanning receipts on my iphone

seeing all the money back we could get

from our recent shopping trips

and we were drinking alien ale from our

sponsors

kegerator that they gave us and you told

me it was just like living in ethiopia

but you gotta remember first world

second world third world

there's a meaning behind that so the

first world

was the allies the second world

was the axis the third world was

neither part of that so any

country that didn't align in

world war ii oh it's going to say third

world countries so i india are aligned

with us and we'll go to way on about

no they did they did no i promise you

they did

promise you they did no they didn't

because that

their camels were they don't have camels

in india

yeah they do they have tigers tigers

there's more tigers in texas than there

are in nature all the way out of the

world yeah we know that but no they

don't have

um no i don't believe it

if any of our listeners would like to

research this and actually given the

number of

emails we get per week from our indian

listeners

i'm sure they'll be uh non-two hesitants

set the record state on that one they

don't have camels in india well they

might have but i don't it's not famous

for camels is it there

there's camels on korean tigers no

there's

camels on 114. no that's how how are

there not

camels no that's the other animal

with the long neck and the hump piece

what the giraffes

no no the um

alpacas oh oh now it's alpacas

alpacas that's what they are no no

they're not camels

mate okay i've driven past them i've

haunt the horn to get them to look at me

and then taking a photograph okay anyway

but back on topic

so like last week when things were like

really going toilet shaped in texas here

we actually got seven or eight emails

asking us

if we needed anything right which i

thought was really nice

unfortunately six of those were from

india now i know it's only about eight

point

eight thousand miles away just under

nine thousand miles away but i thought

it was a nice touch so

well yeah they're kept loyal they have

kept loyal sure

and it was nice them to send those

emails and say hey

what can we send y'all well actually

i've got the answer that one

because um one of one of our nothing no

one of our

listeners who sent us an email and he's

near

new delhi in india right he offered us

30 in paypal

it would do a podcast on traditional

indian music

yeah that's not that many well i'd

rather die no i'm not saying we're cheap

but i told him we'd do it in the next

couple of weeks

oh sorry yeah okay okay yeah yeah we'd

rather die than not do that

yeah yeah yeah we'll take care of that

yeah

so um i know the uh national weather

service

you know national news and all that

probably overplayed how bad it was in

some areas of texas because to be honest

here

i mean it wasn't that bad i mean yeah it

got cold in my house but i had a lot of

food water there i mean here we don't

have any water and that

toilet's just gonna have to be

demolished you know it wasn't really

actually

super super bad so for now our

back up oh talking to backing up do you

think that's just yeah yeah

again yeah do you realize how horrible

that's gonna be to

take care of that toilet it's be better

to just like blow up the whole

strip i think yeah okay outside of our

texas

listeners right and there's another is

another big

little bit of an exaggeration really

about how bad things were

do you want to tell people how your jeep

almost ran out of gas

how we had to wait 20 minutes for pizza

and then the internet was slower than

usual or you just want to run with a

story about me being bad here in texas

you know that that was one of those

horrible

first world problems that we had so

uh we decided we'll go ahead and record

a podcast

and then it took us a couple of takes

because

the power went out yeah i mean it that

sucked so we had to wait until the power

came back on and then we could record

the podcast then

i said hey i'm gonna go ahead and run

you home

because i went and picked you up and i

said hey you know

come up to the studio i'm going to come

pick you up so you don't have to drive

up here

you said oh we did that and then

i said hey i gotta take

dinner home to the kids and i said

let's go buy a kind of

big sponsor two big pizzas well well no

i

i you know i i want to say kind of a

half sponsor because

uh this guy he's got our

alienable beer and i said hey

let let's stop by let's say hello

and pick up cake and all that good stuff

then i'm gonna buy the pizza

for the kids and all that and

that didn't work out well all that was

as pricey as that pizza was i'd have

just kept it for myself

i said forget the kids picked up some

ramen on the way home and just been like

hey

sissel starve you don't know what's

coming next daddy's got all the money

well let's be honest if i would have had

that

money to spend on pizza

i could have fed half of africa

because

okay something like that yeah it was bad

yeah it was but let's

also not forget about the fact that once

we

finally got the pizzas for my kids

then i looked down in my four-wheel

drive jeep and i said

oh i'm almost out of gas and

how many gas stations did we go to

before i got gas two well within

three points

well it was two gas stations that didn't

have gas and then the third gas station

yeah it was rough

it was it it was it was exactly like it

wasn't in a third world country

it was first world problem yeah i

thought to kind of make ourselves feel

this little bit better

we're going to examine cold weather

around the world

which means mostly i guess make fun of

people who

put up with it voluntarily so first up

the people formerly known as eskimos

what are they thinking

well based off of the real estate around

dfw

they should probably say i could build

an igloo and be small enough for the cat

to move in but

well yeah but they could have so

much real estate for the ice price

yes yeah which will last two days and

they're homeless you're the worst real

estate person ever

that's true well now admittedly our

knowledge of eskimos or the people

formerly known as eskimos mainly comes

from old kind of like

anna barbara cartoons right which have

since been banned for being like

stereotypical or something

well i thought i'd do some minimal

research see why they were banned but i

didn't bother doing it so

what what did you know growing up from

cartoons what was your stereotype of an

eskimo given we haven't got to what they

should be called at this point in time

somebody that wore a very cozy coat

who looks like um kenny in south park

like a cozy coat like okay you're

polar bear lined yeah you're not cold

yeah

that there is nothing coming into that

coat

yeah saying i'm cold he has a good coat

so from your knowledge

what are eskimos called now i don't like

keith or martin what's the polite term

for an eskimo

philip no it's got some really bad

connotations

no no no no what what do you call

eskimos i don't mean like

by name like the christian name or they

don't follow that religion whatever

another

other name they go back no watch call

eskimos what's the proper name for an

eskimo

just like earlier people when we kept

mentioning indians were probably

thinking

i'm sure you mean native americans no we

don't we mean the people who come from

the country

india no so what what reskimo is

probably supposed to be called

frosty the stone man not all of them

well anyway i went on wikipedia

calls them indigenous circumpolar

peoples

that's the name now spell that which

word

yeah exactly indigenous circumpolar

peoples

yeah that's way too many letters and

words

and syllables yeah yeah broken up

so i didn't want to bring this up but

you know we had one attempt at recording

this podcast before we did this one

and the shepherd and i we are big

supporters of local business mainly

because we can't be bothered to drive

too far

right that is the prime reason actually

that's why and we're extremely lazy yeah

and we don't want to pay delivery fees

so um so there's this mimosa truck

which comes by twice a week and it comes

down this strip which is mainly made out

of

insurance agents i what's the delivery

thing next door i don't know what are

they some delivery company i don't pay

somebody and then there's our office so

anyway this mimosa

truck drives by and it drives by

normally at the time when most people

are supposed to be driving home which is

a good combination because

here in texas we're not allowed to have

open containers and this mimosa truck

comes by and it does this 12 for the

price of three or

12 for the price of four thing and it's

like hey

drink all of these and then drive home

but like

you're not going to catch us out we will

get an uber home but we are definitely

going to take you up on the 12 for the

price of 3 or 12 for the price of 4

mimosas

now today they were doing a special

because they

for some reason they had a lot more ice

than they had

previous weeks i don't know where they

got it from obviously

but they had a chest full of ice which

looked suspiciously like

snow so they were giving away more

mimosas for the price so it's like

17 for the price of three or something i

don't know

what the difference on the fractions

were yeah

anyway it was like it was like eight or

nine dollars

so we took the money out of the guidance

insurance next door and like to get out

of his petty cash because he never

counts it

paid for the mimosas sat here drank it

decided you know what we can talk about

cold weather so if we're not being

quite as precise as we normally are it's

because we have been

supporting local businesses to sue us

but just remember we don't have any

money so don't try go too hard don't

spend any money on

legal fees you know well we did have

sixteen dollars

but we did we spent it on pizza on pizza

yeah

but i i feel bad for the pizza joint

well no that we spent the money on

because what if they were named in that

lawsuit

given how much pizza we got for that

money i don't think they have any money

either

yeah i think probably not i think

they're renting the place as well

so indigenous circumpolar peoples now i

don't know about you

but i thought hey non-specific gender

in indige indigenous circumpolar person

watch out for that polar bear old too

late he's been his head off

now that's going to make an interesting

coca-cola

christmas commercial anything poor polar

bear we're not really

he's just trying this lucky day well

but he's trying to sell coca-cola well

is he well yeah who's he's selling it to

random americans no i think there's like

one of those google drones flying over

using him

in an advertising campaign and he's got

no clue what's going on whatsoever

yeah but the random drones coming over

texas i mean they're gonna get shot

so they are in texas yeah but i don't

yeah i don't know if the

inuit second polar council has a big

following or

yeah mind you we were wrong about the

what was it the uh amish they've got a

big following insects as well we didn't

even know about that did we

well yeah but there was that odd number

in

yeah with the amish yeah that was kind

of a mess but

but let's be honest we still got to

visit them by the way we've got a day

trip

to see the amish i tried to email them

but i've got a response yeah

i texted the number on the website as

well still nothing so um

should we just show up yeah i think we

should

problem is then we're going to end up

living there for about three months yeah

they're gonna be surprised yeah they

will be surprised

that's kind of sad yeah they will be

surprised and guarantee that

so in 1977 the inuit

second polar council which is actually a

thing sounds like the jedi council

took a break now it sounds like you're

making things

no i read this this is like one of the

first two things i found on google

they took a break from ice fishing it

didn't say that in the article i made

that bit up

and they met in a big igloo and voted to

replace the word

eskimo with inuit so it's now the inuit

circumpolar council as their

representatives

and inuit has replaced the word eskimo

now i don't know if they actually ask

any eskimos like

would you like to be called something

different it's like who's calling us

anything anyway

i'm just out here trying to ice fish and

like not get raped by a polar bear i

mean why am i being called these

different names

do they really care what they're called

what i know you have to think they've

now since got woke since 1977 when star

wars episode 4 new hope which we did a

fantastic podcast on

a few weeks ago true um but ironically

they have no hope of throwing off the

stereotypes from

kindergarteners through fourth graders

or

anybody else so um what other country in

the world

would you say should most be maligned

for people willingly living in cold

weather

i'll give you a clue it's one of your

least favorite countries canada

yeah yeah i can't believe you got that

actually

now although to be honest you can only

name about 14 countries so i'm sure if

you actually watch the travel channel

you

dislike many many more although i

actually watch the travel channel and

ninety percent of the content

is about hauntings and paranormal

experiences so i don't think anybody

learns any geography anymore from the

tradition

i actually like canada unlike you work

except for the french

yeah in canada i don't like the french

oh

you're coming around my part

i like that well i like the people who

play ice hockey and i like the

non-french part of canada

so quebec i could take or leave it i

don't like the prime minister because

he's married to that woman is far too

pretty for him

trudeau what's his first name mr trudeau

yeah i don't pay any attention

to that yeah horrible

horrible country up there well she's got

the middle name

gregoire which kind of puts me in two

minds about but

you know she's pretty i kind of like her

but yeah oh justin justin trudeau that's

his name the prime minister in canada

okay yeah well good for him yeah i don't

know i don't know it is

i actually had some um stump the

shepherd questions on canada because i

know it's one of your oh my god

here we go places on earth right i did

the normal thing

i took the first answer and took this so

this is

one of those you know we

decided to record a podcast and

i'm barely standing and

now you're gonna be honest yeah exactly

and now you're gonna help me with those

all right okay so number one is canada

always cold

yes correct the answer from google was

canada is always cold

now i know normally we'd leave it there

you know let it be let's sleep the dogs

lie

you know sure but the irony there is

canada should be hot because it's hell

and it should just be fiery

just everybody burning and just

suffering yeah i think

i think you're following the stereotype

of dante's inferno who's to say hell

isn't a cold desolate

place and that's the definition of hell

right but

dante was right it candidate yeah

the second question i was surprised to

see this one because i thought it might

get a little bit more socio-economical

or stuff but the next question literally

on google was

okay so the next question was canada

is hell no that's not question that's a

statement oh

is life in canada good no

well no no one loves living in canada

well

according to the internet you're wrong

it says canenda

commander yeah that's how i spell it no

listen this one oh oh oh

is that that is that the uk version

of the house listen this one this is how

bad my writing is i'm literally reading

this oh commander

cananda is banked is what banked

what i meant to say is canada is ranked

but i put

i was actually i don't like to say this

i was at a stoplight when i was writing

this down

and up but canenda is banked

canada canada is bank so yeah canada

is right it's the second best place

country in the world to live

no i think you're on something yeah

commander

is back i think that's what we need to

call that country yeah canada yeah so

amanda

it's banked as the second uh best

country in the world to live now what

what what country is banked on the

it's canada

i know this was written by the canadian

tourist board right but

the commander yeah so apparently germany

is number one which is

some crap because i've i've actually

been there i went there playing

professional soccer a bunch of times and

like most women who live there

look like arnold schwarzenegger but just

without the muscles

and they said commander i would rather

go and live in canada

yeah yeah and be banked as the second in

the world rather than the first yeah

see you didn't even realize this is

where this was that's what i wrote down

but like i said i was a stop light

and you know what it's like soon as you

go and try and do something urgent stop

like check your phone like the light

changes and you think i've got three

seconds for this person be fine

well it's me and it's texas so they

might actually shoot me

so exactly you got to be conundra

yeah well no you got to be careful

because

the police they will look at you and

they say oh

you're on your phone oh there's a

way we can go ahead and write you a

ticket

so i thought you know outside of eskimo

country um sorry

the um circle of inuits or whatever it

is

or that second polar inuit society of

members now let's be honest it's the

canada

no that's a different country no it's

all the same

anyway so that's north america taken

care of

that's all you need to know so what i

figured i'd go with is the united states

right because there's a couple of places

in the united states which people also

live in which also suck

most of the year around but especially

in winter now can you name number one

i'll give you a clue you were born there

okay

so us uh we're gonna go with the

i've just told you this where you were

born mate this one

yeah chicago you left it giving it the

middle fingers while you were still in

diapers

well that's how quickly you left out you

know i i was

born in chicago illinois but as opposed

to what i

i came to texas when i was two months

old

that's what i'm saying you were giving

it the middle finger while you were

leaving probably

so anyway chicago sees frequent snow in

winter

often reaches temperatures of minus 20

is windy most of the year you know we

take away the fact they have that

mare that looks like beetlejuice and

your chances of getting shot

past roughly about 6 p.m at night in the

south is a bit great in their chances of

finding a pizza with less than 9 000

calories

probably so yeah i don't like chica do

you like chicago pizza you should do

because it's in your jeans

well i haven't had a chicago pizza

a true chicago pizza now now

now hang on hang on because there's a

lot of people

even in texas they put up these

pizza joints and they say oh it's

chicago

and who's that for people who have moved

from chicago well

but my dad will

go to these pizza joints and say oh they

say they have chicago style pizza

he lived in chicago for years and then

he says

nope not chicago pizza you only get

chicago pizza in chicago okay

you only get new york pizza in new york

that's the way this works if you add new

york pizza it's just like a gallon of

grease with some pepperoni and something

cheap cheese thrown in it i think i

don't know

either no honestly i've had new york

pizza in new york

and i was shocked when i said yeah

i'll have pizza and and of course in new

york they call it a pie

they said oh do you want a pie i

actually

wanted meat on the pizza but

they brought in three pizzas

with no meat no nothing it was just

cheese

and and i'm like well wait no i

how about pepperoni how about something

like oh no we just have pies

coming here i'm like no they just had

some grease we threw some pastry and

some

exactly chasing it yeah yeah it was

ridiculous i'm pretty sure in

afghanistan you'll get better pizza than

in

absolutely or maybe a rat don't like i

don't think northern

uh states can do pizza they think they

can

because you actually do well what you

have to remember is like you've got this

image of like all the italians you know

made the pizzas

and so you've got you know chicago and

obviously new york

heavy you know italian influence it's

like oh they must know how to make pizza

truth is pizza didn't come from there

remotely right but they just adopted it

thought they'd run with it it's like

all right there's something else we can

kind of add to the

ignorance of people and think oh

italians are speciality makers of pizza

they're not that's not a speciality they

adopted it

and they did like they did with

everything else just throw a load of

grease over it charge four times as much

and then hope people are stupid enough

to think

oh i'm being uh authentic i'm eating

italian pizza it's like no you're not

you're really not

probably not welcome in chicago now

along with those other states we've kind

of pooped over over the past few months

yeah so is the second well well that's

why we're gonna stay in texas yeah

so the second one alaska now i actually

like alaska even though i've never been

there

uh that's probably why i like it

actually as a corner of the interwebs

some beautiful scenery because i've seen

some pictures on um

well social media and stuff of like nice

mountains some snow some polar bears

and things and there's the northern

lights thing which is useless to you

because you're colorblind so it's just

gonna look like a chemtrail to you to be

honest

probably some yeah that's a waste of

time cold weather i mean

we experienced it which makes us experts

because we had it for like

almost five days so we lived it

right we survived it we survived it

so i think if anybody has to look back

at this period in history especially

texas history

they listen to this podcast they could

probably write a thesis

and maybe get a doctorate probably so

i mean it's been so

much of a struggle yes we're struggling

with the fact that

so many people from other states are

coming in here

and we look at that and we say hey

you're bringing your weather here you're

bringing your problems here

yeah and and now it's time for us to say

hey we're sick of this yeah

we're we're sick of this just

go off somewhere else go go live in

montana go live in utah

you know wyoming some other state

are they nobody cares are they all

famous places for being frozen

i don't know i mean who cares about

those states

i mean who cares about wyoming i don't

know some lovely people from like

well no i mean wyoming is one of those

people yeah but wyoming has like

eight people that live there yeah who

cares about that state

and if there are any companies in

wyoming who are currently looking for a

national sponsor

especially one for which some strange

reason reaches out to india

just drop us an email at the wharf and

the shepherd

at gmail.com and we will hook you up we

don't care what type of business that is

well

we have a few exceptions but not many

and uh

yeah just fill out the form we're gonna

send you and we can be your sponsor

i i do agree with that but not utah

utah's got a lot of mormons mate and

they know what they're doing

we're not going to be mormons well no

we're not going to turn

i don't think we should have to do that

to get the sponsorship that's what

you're suggesting

exactly there's a lot of mormons in utah

right

and they sell things but if i don't

think any religions have this to sell

this product you have to take on our

religion

but what if we converted to

mormonism because they want to pay us a

bunch of money

well it depends how much money because

we will do it for a bunch of money

so based off that if

are any companies then exactly if

if there are any companies in utah that

want to convert us

to mormonism just write check yeah

write a check let's not get too deep

into it just let's

check in email us we'll give you the

amount it takes and all of a sudden

we're going to be

we might even be a utah based because i

can change the ip address

uh we can be a utah based podcast

you know but that but the last one that

wouldn't work is

south dakota because i well

no i think there's literally like eight

people

that live in south dakota they've got

some pretty girls in south dakota

no look it up no look it up on the

internet i promise you google

search now

they are not that pretty they are dude

you have lived in texas long enough to

realize

you have california girls you have texas

girls

that's pretty much it right i i have

went around this country i i have went

all over this country i have went

into the midwest where my uh

some of my mother's family lives and

i've seen the women there

in there a couple of chromosomes

short of actually

being a normal human being they're not

in south dakota i'm sorry no

i'll tell you you're gonna get you're

gonna go on google limits search

after this podcast and you can embarrass

yourself no

because you're going to see some

beauties look up miss south dakota

now okay so uh we've never done this

but i will bet you so

so we're going to remember we don't have

any money so what we're going to do well

no that

that that's what i'm sitting here

thinking the money our podcast has so

i'm going to say two cents uh a shiny

penny

and a dull penny okay it's

not gonna rob some of the panhandlers

closer to i-35 to get that

but wait you're right no no hang on hang

on be quiet

for a second oh

there's people kind of tapping on the

wall out there

they're your responsibility but

but yeah i'm right yeah i'm right you're

wrong

i'm going to find you some fine ladies

from south dakota and you're going to be

like oh wolf

you're the best misogynistic gathering

of information of

hot girls from different states without

being judged for it because you're

completely innocent in gathering that's

not gonna happen i'm not gonna happen

yeah

but with all that said we should

probably do this when we're sober

yeah yeah

that that could run through yeah no

that that's actually probably true but

with all that said uh

thanks for tuning into this episode of

the wolf in the shepherd

we certainly appreciate all of your

support

and the wolf sitting back in his chair

and saying no

i i won but at least this is a fair the

date

i know that's it it will be released at

a further date

oh no wait no it's coming out on the

normal schedule but thanks for all the

support

and we'll catch you on the next one