The Wolf And The Shepherd discuss their favorite aquatic animal, the Mantis Shrimp. The Wolf gets so excited about the topic, he almost breaks his microphone stand. We compare the Mantis Shrimp to the Honey Badger. The Shepherd shares his disdain for Bud Light and reveals his ordination with the church of the flying spaghetti monster. The Wolf reaches out about Kanye West again and decides to side against Joe Biden's dog in the biting incident, while the Shepherd gets confused about the Kraken and the Octopus.
welcome to this episode of the wolf and
the shepherd today we are going to be
talking about
the mantis shrimp my spirit animal i'm
pretty sure that the mantis shrimp is my
spirit animal
and we did talk about the mana shrimp a
little ways back when we were talking
about evolution and all these different
animals but
we just really felt like we did not give
enough time
to the manta shrimp so we're going to
delve a little more into the manta
shrimp and what that guy's all about
yeah since we first mentioned the mantis
shrimp we have made a few vague
references to him and true i think some
of our audience who joined us a little
bit later on
in our progress have probably thought
why do they keep bringing up the mantis
shrimp there's got to be something
special about
mantis shrimp well and we're gonna make
sure that they understand exactly why
the manta shrimp
is quite possibly the greatest animal on
god's
well blue earth since he lives in the
water i was gonna say god's green earth
but
i guess it's god's blue earth if they
live in the water
yeah depending where you're viewing it
from because it's true i don't think
once you're under water it looks blue
does it
i don't know i'm colorblind that is true
also yeah
so as neither of us claim to be experts
in an
anthropology we need to explain first of
all that
unlike the wasp which was clearly an
error being invented so whether you take
natural selection or
an omnipotent deity the wasp was an
error
right so to make up for it either
natural selection or
the uh omnipotent deity created the
mantis shrimp which is in the top five
species of all time
if you're using badass as a parameter
for the ranking system so along with the
honey badger
right you know the mantis shrimp is in
that list is in there
out of uh achievement okay so honey
badger versus manta shrimp do you put
the manta shrimp up higher than the
honey badger
it's a difficult one really i i really
don't understand
why you have so many problems with your
microphone stand
here well
i pushed it all the way uh you're doing
something british wrong you're trying to
do it
backwards see now you just about knocked
the dang thing
completely off the table for those of
you listening i'm i'm
watching the wondrous craftsmanship here
of our fancy chinese 10
microphone arm things that we have our
microphones attached to
and i think we finally got it fixed so i
don't know
we're doing some more looking just make
sure it doesn't all right
all right and we're back and we're back
in the room
where are we oh you're asking me where
yeah so honey badger
versus mantis shrimp is the honey badger
more badass than the manta shrimp or is
the mantis shrimp more bad ass than the
honey badger
well given we live on land i'm assuming
the honey badger would be more useful
outside of an aquarium there's not much
we can do with a manta shrimp
true so probably the manta shrimp and
the honey badger never gonna fight
because the honey badger would have to
you know get in the ocean or the mantis
shrimp would have to get out of the
ocean
yeah and they're both too stubborn to do
either one of those things so
we're never gonna see that happen yeah
i've gone through a lot of different
scenarios in my mind about
when and how they could meet and just
decided look one's gonna be our best
aqua animal the other one's gonna be our
best on land animals no that makes sense
or you could use spongebob rules right
because the squirrel lives
under there with the little you know
space helmet on
could work that way yeah and i'd just
like to say at this point we do not
currently have an
aerial spiritual animal so there are any
representatives from any
local aviaries in the state of texas or
elsewhere
we are open to actually being sponsored
by a badass
bird what about ducks sure yeah
all right we took care of that one right
yeah okay so
manchester shrimp has been kicking
around for about 340 million years
i'm not talking about just one
particular amount of shrimp this is them
as a
as a species yeah so his scientific name
is stomatapoda stomatapoda
why do all those scientific names have
to be so complicated well so you can
sound smart
oh i automatically sounded smart when i
started to read it except when i
mispronounced it the first time then it
kind of got me back to square one again
yep there you go so it's average size is
between
8 and 10 inches which puts us to shame
yep and
some mantis shrimp have been measured up
to 18 inches
wow yeah that's a big sucker yeah that
is a big
so i'm thinking the our original
aquarium idea of hey let's get some
mantis shrimp we need to go beyond the
kind of
eight inch by 12 inch by 16 inch idea
right but you know we were thinking
about like one of those little 10 gallon
aquariums i think i've got one in the
garage somewhere
he's gonna be pissed if he can't turn
around yeah that's a good point
probably need to avoid keeping the
goldfish in with the mountain shrimp
like we originally said as well oh
that's right yeah
that's two aquariums yeah that's that's
a lot of money to spend though on
two aquariums yeah now just for our
regular listeners who know that the
shepherd's colorblind but very
selectively colorblind
most uh traits of color blindness
it's normal patterns of colors and
collections of colors that colorblind
people can't see but for whatever reason
shepherds is completely random colors
which he wouldn't think he'd mess up
he messes up i do he does and so this is
or it's a very cruel trick people are
pulling on me yeah
and so this is partly why you know the
mantis shrimp is the shepherd's spirit
animal
because the mantis shrimp has 16 color
receptors compared to a human's
three but the mantis shrimp despite
having all of those color receptors are
not actually
good at distinguishing between colors
but they can
see cancer wait stop
cancer how how do they see cancer
there's something in the makeup of a
cancer cell and the way it grows that
apparently
gives off certain i don't know types of
light like
infrared light or ultraviolet light or
something like that keep naming all the
lights we've heard if we might hit on it
uh so you've got fluorescent light
fluorescent light
led light miller light miller light
yeah yeah so it uses one of those
probably not bud likes that tastes like
piss do you know they use
rice to make bud light that won't
surprise me they're proud of it though
it's on the packaging
i never knew that i always knew i didn't
like bud light
and it was always that bud light miller
like coors light right there
you know some people just really get
married to one of those
i used to think they all tasted the same
and then all of a sudden i realized
coors like miller lite are
kind of similar but there was always
this funky kind of taste with bud light
and i never could put my finger on it
until i was walking through the store
and i realized they literally advertise
the fact they use
rice to make bud light they probably
just wash rice off you know wash all the
starch off it
select that water and then just make it
then carbonate it
right you know stir a few hops in there
or barley or whatever
the heck they're using to make the beer
and then it that's bad light
i wonder if the bud light would taste
different if your smartphone got
wet and you threw it in the rice then
you got your smartphone out and then
made bud light
if your smartphone uses 5g that's
automatically going to be dangerous
remember ooh we don't want to go there
so we control okay hang on note to self
stay away from bud light because there
could be some 5g
stuff in the bug all right hey
we're trying to take care of our
listeners so i don't know if that
is the exact reason why the mantis
shrimp is able to see cancer but that's
pretty much what i could gather from
reading a sentence that it could see
cancer and not reading the follow-on
bit so do you think if you go to like
one of those places like the uh what is
it the
md anderson cancer center or
cancer centers of america you know
basically all of the places that get
their advertising on the game show
network do you think they have manta
shrimp there just like hanging out in
aquariums
of course they're probably in the
waiting room so by the time they come in
they don't waste all that time on the
diagnosis
the doctor just looks at the mantis
shrimp says what about him the mantis
shrimp like yeah he's got cancer
and that's pretty much the diagnosis
then you can go straight to the
treatment part
that's why those hospitals have such
high success rates in treating cancers
because the mantis shrimp does all the
diagnosis in the waiting room
well there you go so i love that do they
hold up little signs like
yes and no or do they actually talk they
tap on the glass
oh like morse code type thing oh okay
yeah so there we are the mantis shrimp
can see cancer and the shepherd
count make out the different colors and
the domino's pizza logo
right yeah and the mantis shrimp knows
morse code
yeah and he knows morse code so on
average and mantis shrimp
lives roughly 20 years now that's on
average so you could have some 43 year
old mantis shrimp
kicking out there okay so that makes
sense yeah some other mantis shrimp
which i don't know i might live in a
dodgy neighborhood might
only have a life expectancy because of
gang membership and
might die at 13 or 14 i don't know well
yeah but doesn't
natural selection kind of play into this
so only the strong
mantis shrimp are going to live into
their 40s and
some of that you know that's how it
averages out so the weak ones probably
get killed by the strong ones
yeah but amazingly enough it seems to be
a complete
same pattern as with humans that most
mantis shrimp die in gun free zones
really yeah that's terrible yeah we're
allowed guns there's less mantis shrimp
actually dying
and that makes a sad stat but nobody
wants to talk about it
yeah so it can breed about 20
20 to 30 times during its lifetime which
makes it either an irish catholic or a
mormon i'm not sure which
but i wonder what religion they do
practice could it be the flying
spaghetti monster
that's not a religion yeah it is the
flying spaghetti monster that's a
religion
yeah the pastafarians that's a
legitimate religion
i actually am an ordained minister
of the church of the flying spaghetti
monster because i had to
marry somebody and i had to get ordained
by some
kind of legitimate religion so i looked
that up and
all i had to do was pay 20 bucks through
paypal and got a certificate i think i
lost it though
i lost this certificate but it's good
for lifetime
you know you don't have to do any
continuing education or anything like
that
so yeah i am an ordained minister of the
church of the flying spaghetti monster
sure there's more to that story we'll
have to revisit that in another episode
i think
so the only interaction between males
and females with mantis shrimp occurs
during mating
so i mean it's kind of copied the rap
community a little bit there
right yeah you know so basically they're
saying
there's only one reason we need to talk
to the
opposite sex and we all know what that
reason is
yeah also although um do you think that
manta shrimp
are rappers though like do you think
they have musical
talent well if they did they wouldn't be
rapping would they
well probably not now if there is a
kanye west
equivalent of the mantis shrimp we are
willing to pay a high dollar
but do you think kanye west has an
aquarium in his house that has manta
shrimp in it and he's just not telling
anybody maybe that's the secret of his
dragon power
hmm see that makes sense yeah can you
imagine if kanye west would have
actually got elected to the white house
and then
rather than having like the white house
dog or the white house cat
he had the white house manta shrimp yeah
probably bite less people than the
current than you know than biden's dogs
you know
that that poor dog you know i feel sorry
for him i mean
you know you think about when you take
care of somebody's dog or you take care
of somebody's cat or whatever they're in
a new environment
they're a little bit freaked out and
just think you know you're living the
dog's life you're hanging out you're
catching balls and fetching sticks and
having fun
next thing you know you got all these
people around your house granted big
nice yard little rose garden to you know
bury bones in and
in play but of course that poor dog is a
little bit freaked out
i think he got the the proverbial short
end of the stick no
i'm on the dog's side on this one i read
both circumstances my
i'm not siding with the dog but also one
actually one area where i do side with
the dog
is that the dog's thinking because like
you know joe biden's wife
is apparently a doctor dr jill biden
the dog's thinking oh this is okay if i
kind of twist my leg get my leg caught
on a twist injure my hip she can come
take care of me but then he realizes
hold on a moment she's a doctor in
education she's bloody useless
do you think the white house has like a
veterinarian
you know how like the president has a
doctor do you think there's a white
house veterinarian
that'd be kind of a cool job well in
case you need to put
a dog which bites too many people down
well that
or if you think about it you know the
president has a doctor
right and he only has the president as
his client
if you're the white house vet then all
you have to do is take care of the white
house dog
like we should have went to vet school
well i can imagine biden's doctor's
pretty busy but over previous years i
mean
sure that would have been a bit of a
redundant position most of the year
well that's true trump didn't have a dog
did he uh he didn't
bring one to the white house with him
that's a shame
yeah you should have had something
different than a dog should have like a
bear or a manta shrimp or mantis shrimp
so
as we kind of expected the mantis shrimp
wraps himself
you know in some pretty cool areas
number one being one of our favorite
places the indian ocean oh
no kidding and we know why we like the
indian ocean because it's close to india
that's true that's true
our favorite people do you think that's
why they called it the indian ocean
no i think they caught the indian ocean
the indian ocean
first and then there's somebody found
this big plot of land next to it and
said what should we call that
and they were like how about ocean no
i've got a better idea
how about indian but now they've with
this we've got those issues with those
uh politically incorrect names over
there in north america
well maybe we should just take off the
end and just call it india
ah well that makes sense yeah it does
wait to hear my theory on why australia
is called australia oh no
yeah now the radio activity from
fukushima
might actually be leading to some
godzilla-sized
mantis shrimp oh please say this is true
please say this is true in the pacific
ocean area because it's been affecting a
lot of marine life
and so you know that's unfortunate i
feel sorry for the animals
well yeah unless it does create a huge
like 34 yard long mantis shrimp who
terrorizes uh
naval vessels and kind of yeah
what's that what's that uh the kraken
it'd be almost like the kraken yeah
right the kraken isn't a mana shrimp is
he
no he's got arms and stuff oh
i think he has more than the normal
amount of arms as well
what's the normal amount of arms for a
kraken uh
well now i mean more than the normal
number of arms like a human would have
so more than two yeah but maybe as many
as four oh but an octopus has eight
yeah so is he somewhere in between um
yeah but
the octopus generally isn't kidnapping
princesses
and tying them to rocks oh and waiting
for simbad or whoever it is to come
along and
yeah but octopuses are smart though they
are smart
yeah you know they have four brains
really yeah
how many does the mantis shrimp have i
don't know
but you can see cancer so right so one
of the
scientifically listed predators for the
mantis shrimp and i think they're kind
of clutching at straws here because i
actually read this
on a scientific blog it says
larger fish larger fish yeah that's one
of the predators fermented shrimp
larger fish that's not very scientific
it's not very scientific is it
something like we'd come up with yeah
did we come up with that well it might
been on wikipedia
oh it edited it one night when we
weren't yeah
yeah i i think you know you got to be
careful with wikipedia sometimes because
we do like to go on there and do our own
little edits whenever
we're not of sound mind and judgment so
that could have been one of those might
need to research that but i'm sure we're
going to forget to do that
well i don't think we need to go any uh
further into the whole predator thing
because if
larger fish are larger than larger fish
so the mantis shrimp is notorious for
his striking force as we knew
yes and he has the nickname the thumb
splitter due to the painful gashes they
can cause if
handled without care by humans that's
the best they could come up with
is the dumb splitter i'm guessing if he
was like kicking out with his legs and
splitting scrotums or breasts they might
have called him something else but
apparently most of the injuries
occur to the thumb when you're kind of
grabbing him and
you know yeah i just think they could
have come up with something better than
thumb
splitter yeah it's probably the same
person that wrote that blog post about
larger fish
that is some lazy writing that even for
our standards
that is some lazy writing right there
now whoever gave the manchester shrimp
the two different
types of claw they have they actually
came up with some cool names they came
up with spearers
or smashers those are the two types of
uh
manchester identify by the types of claw
they have and the
tactics they use to kill their prey
spearers
or smashers so which one's the cool one
well i'm guessing both of them well yeah
but one's got to be cooler than the
other well i mean that can't be equally
as cool well just invite both of them to
join the avengers and we'll see when the
next movie comes out which one of them
did the best job
well okay now hang on you're on to
something here if a spearer fights a
smasher who wins
i don't know can we not run some type of
computer program yeah what what's that
computer game where you can
simulate the battles no that's super
mario brothers
oh yeah yeah the what is it like the
ultimate battle simulator or something
like that you know where you can
put 10 000 ducks against
a thousand horses and it runs those
computer simulations have you not seen
this
no oh you need to look that up and we're
gonna so what's it called
i think it's battles yeah the the
ultimate battle simulator or
something like that there's youtube
videos all the time about
these things where you know you can put
like a
thousand jedi versus 20
000 roman soldiers and all kinds of
different stuff like that
i just wonder if the mantis shrimp is in
there then we could do our manta shrimp
versus honey badger
yeah i think if you kind of take the
spears and the smashes
to put it into superhero terms i think
it's kind of like
wolverine and thor well no no see you
missed out here it's gotta be hulk
for the smashers and it always hulk
smash isn't that what hawkey does
yeah but he's not he's not that smart
though is he where's thor's
bit brainy but i thought hulk was a
doctor
like a scientist oh he is when he's not
being the whole doctor bruce banner yeah
yeah so no i think thor is better
because the
mantis shrimp is actually pretty smart
yeah i'll go with that yeah i'll go with
that you know without going over
sensationalist about it
the spears they have spiny appendages
with barb
tips and they will actually stab
soft-bodied prey where the smashers
they've got club-like claws and they
bludgeon and smash their prey
to pieces wow and they do it so quickly
i remember you
showing me that video the other day
where a mantis shrimp
actually punched the water by a crab and
the force
generated in the water actually caused
the crabs shell to
fracture just from the force of the
water the mantis shrimp see
it just with that fact it is hard to
argue
that the mantis shrimp isn't like the
king of the ocean right
i mean there is nothing else out there
in the ocean that can do that
a whale-sized mantis shrimp i mean we'd
all be dead
yeah we'd all be dead well we'll
probably be all right here in land but
you know naval naval vessels would i
think about think about that though what
if
there's like big manta shrimp in
fukushima
and then the submarines are like driving
around underwater doing their thing
in a manta shrimp like some big manta
shrimp smacked the side of a submarine
and it just exploded
yeah and then it was full of nuclear
weapons and then that went off
now there's more nuclear waste and the
mantis shrimp get even bigger
well smash smashes can actually punch at
the same velocity
as a 22 caliber rifle wow right which
means they're automatically banned in
california and new york but
spring-loaded fists
they can accelerate at over 50 miles per
hour
which is like basically a molly whopping
or a haymaker as you like to call it yep
i will go with haymaker over molly
whopper yeah so uh here's one
and this is the most unbelievable fact i
think i've read about
any animal ever but their punch is so
fast it results in a process called
cavitation and creates these bubbles
which are superheated
and they have a small flash of light and
for a split second
it generates temperatures of 4400
degrees which is nearly as hot as the
sun
so they can heat water up all these
little bubbles these little cavitation
bubbles
to the heat of the sun so they can make
macaroni and cheese and like
two seconds yeah i didn't actually read
what the point of that was they can just
do it
yeah but i mean what the point of the
man of shrimp is to be a badass well
he's gone from like being either
wolverine or thor to now being
like one of the characters on mortal
kombat right yeah
yeah i mean it almost seems like magical
powers right
like these things shouldn't even exist
well i mean they can
crack and punch holes in aquarium glass
and they say if you are going to keep a
mantis shrimp make sure you have a
minimum of three quarters inch
three quarters of an inch glass
otherwise the mantis shrimp has been
known to
do you realize how expensive those
aquariums probably are
so that's already out of 15 from walmart
so still out of our price right now
yeah i think so but oh no well hold on
that's the uh
eighth of an inch plastic stuff that's
not yeah that's not the expensive glass
stuff
yeah so but yeah still out of our price
range
yeah now going back to the difference
between your eyes and the mantis shrimp
size
the eyes of a mantis shrimp have
trinocular vision
and it can actually gauge depth and
distance by focusing on objects with
three separate regions almost like the
iphone does with that major app yeah
except different right yeah
now i don't really know what it means
but i'm suspecting he can read a text on
the smaller version of the iwatch
without having to squint
yeah i i hate trying to read text
messages on the watch
it's just it's too hard well i now i got
the new one with that extra size screen
yeah 44 millimeters instead of 42 or was
it 42 instead of 40 i can't remember
anyway yeah it's so much bigger now it's
like a couple of millimeters bigger
yeah well we could all use an extra
couple of millimeters
yeah yeah a couple of thousand
millimeters maybe i don't know so some
manta shrimp
and monogamous so some of them have kind
of
so there's there's players and there's
haters yeah
right yeah so you got some yeah you got
some little players some that are haters
yeah
then you got the player haters yeah in
every species there's got to be some who
go
the better cup route on this one's you
know decided that instead of being able
to go out and mate with 20 or 30
different females
he's going to stay with the same partner
for 50 years
well yeah but could it be that there's
like ugly manta shrimp and good-looking
manta shrimp
well that's the personality that counts
wow with them wonder what kind of
personality they do have
i mean you know they gotta be walking
around with their chest puffed out
because they know they're tough
i think they've probably got a short
temper you'd have to
yeah all that power yeah i don't think
they have great responsibility
why are we making so many comic book
references neither one of us
read comic books i don't know so that
was just to let people know that the
mantis shrimp as great
as it is does have its flaws and the
female apparently
has a very um unusual method of deciding
what to do with its eggs
really it either carries them around
with her
or she just bears them those are the
only two options there's no kind of oh
bury some carry some see how it works
out see how many kind of get through to
hatching all that stuff
it's like so it's all or none yeah all
or nothing
really yeah see i'd do the half and half
method
just hedge my back that's right you know
it's hard enough to kind of get in the
head of human females without
get trying to get ahead of female mantis
shrimp right
yeah but you know it's kind of like when
you go to the horse track
you know you always throw two bucks on
the long shot because you know
if there's 13 races the odds of one of
those long shots hitting throughout the
day
are pretty good and that's gonna cover
all the other horrible bets that you
make
and you know all the money you lost not
really the same as a female mantis
shrimp bearing or eggs though is it
i think it's the exact same okay now
so we hope you learned some stuff about
the mantis shrimp
one thing we do want you to do is
seriously
go online and look up the manta shrimp
so you can see a picture of this sucker
yeah or oh there are some cool videos of
what these mana shrimp do
i mean they really are if we were smart
enough to be able to figure out if we
could actually
like post a picture on instagram of
amana shrimp
uh we'd probably do it but we haven't
figured out exactly how to do that
because we are so technically challenged
but
with all that being said thanks for
tuning in to this episode of the wolf
and the shepherd and we will catch you
on the next one